Posting for traffic.
So a friend, not really a close one, one I knew through college, had a baby about five months after I had DS. She's holding a 1st birthday party for him in a few weeks which DS is invited to. I told her originallu we would happily come, sent her a few ideas of presents to double check he didn't have it ECT. All good. Ordered and wrapped and ready to go.
Now she lives in a part of the NE I'm not familiar with at all. It's quite remote and I would ideally need a lift over there. My dad said ages ago if I gave him petrol money he would give me a lift. Again all good. So also not to drip feed my dad has been recently diagnosed with dementia. It's in the early stages and doesn't affect him much, aside from his memory which has become pretty bad.
Anyway, yesterday he told me my relatives in South Yorkshire are throwing a suprise 90th for my great aunt. Again not to drip feed, and it's something I've posted about before, my granny died recently and ever since us up here have been doing more to reconnect and become closer to my relatives down there. The invite was extended to all of us. I asked my dad to get the date as I've got a few things on this month to make sure it doesn't clash.
Turns out it's the same day as the party. DF forgot about the offer to give me a lift, but said he'll need to go to Yorkshire now so DM (its her side) can have a drink when she's down there. They also want to use it as an opportunity to check in with the estate agents about putting granny's house up for sale and tying up a few loose ends.
Now this is my dilemma, like I said DM and DF are going. They're planning to drive down early that morning and drive back in the evening for it, to get the full days worth out of the trip. I get there reasons for it and would never ask them to change it.
As they are going there is no way I can get to the 1st birthday party. DP and I don't drive due to epilepsy, and there's no one I really know at the party I could get a lift from (as I said were not really close friends). It would take two buses and then walking to get there, and like I said I really don't know the area. Parts of it are ok but the part she lives in is a bit dodgy so I wouldn't be entirely comfortable trying to find my way in that area with the bairn. It would also take best part of an hour and a half to get there for what will be an hours party.
So without DF's lift offer, I can't realistically go. My friend told me at the start when I was thinking how to get there she's give me the address but couldn't meet me off the bus due to family coming round earlier to help prep for the party. Hence why I asked dad.
Not taking DS to the 1st birthday party without dad's lift means well be more than likely be sitting in the house all day, going to the park or seeing DPs side like we usually do, while they are down there. So in that sense we may as well go as I can't afford to take him anywhere else anyway.
However, I don't want my friend to think I'm jacking off her son's birthday party because something better has come along. I thought about going anyway asking them not to post anything on social media and just tell her truthfully mum and dad are away, it would be difficult to get there, and could we meet this coming week so I can give the bairn his present. But to me it's still lying by ommision and I'm not comfortable doing that.
DP thinks I should just ring her and tell her the truth, that we cant get to the party because mum and dad are away, but not going means well be in the house so we might as well take him to yorkshire to see our family rather than being stuck at home.
I'm planning on doing this tonight as she's at work all day, and explain the situation, but I feel really guilty about it.
I did think originally think the right thing to do is go to neither, and tell my family I have plans so won't be able to attend the surprise party, but that seems stupid as well because we don't.
I'm just stuck at what to do, and how I should explain it to my friend. Both of us have had quite a tough year with one thing or another so we have barely talked much, but we're hoping we could use this as the first stepping stone to meeting up more often.
So I guess what I'm asking is what you would all do, and how I should phrase it to my friend when I ring her.
It's a first world problem, and not serious by any means. However I don't wang to upset my friend, but equally don't want to be sitting doing nothing when there's an opportunity to see my family.
Any advice is appreciated. I'm not the most confrontational person so don't like falling out with people if I can help it.
Thank you :) xx