The reason Dd is disrespectful to me is because you’re desrespectful

[Neapolitanicecream]

Just that really! DH you’re rude to me and criticise my parenting all the time. When I repeatedly asked her to tidy away her stuff lying all over the house apparently I didn’t ask her nicely enough! For the 10th time! So you DH decided to criticise me as well ! Great well over to you then ! You f@@ parent then show me how it’s done then! Rant over but still seething!!!

Why are you with him? You know you don't actually have to tolerate being treated like shit all the time? That it's not what is going on in everybody else's home? You're angry because how he's treating you is wrong. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Agree. Get rid. You will feel so much better a parent (I do)

XH did this to me. It got to the point where dd would go running to him as soon as he got in the door from work, and he would then shout at me about what I'd done wrong.
He's an X for this and other reasons.

I don’t want to get rid I want to be respected by my DD

You need to be respected by your husband first though

Your D&D can see and hear you being disrespected and allowing it to continue so it's highly unlikely that she will respect you. It's also a really poor relationship model for a young girl who will go on to have her own future relationships.

If it's not something that would make you leave your husband it's difficult to think of what to suggest really. I know in your shoes I wouldn't be running around or picking up after or accepting disrespect from either of them. No way. They'd have to fend for themselves and both come and speak to me when they learn some bloody manners.

Slightly more leeway for your DD though. It's not her fault, it's learned behaviour

How old is DD?

But how will your DD respect you if your husband doesn't?

have you talked to him/rowed with him/told him what hes doing?

Your husband needs to respect you first. If she is disrespectful as a direct result of his attitude towards you, you can’t expect that to change if the influence is still going.