AIBU wanting to speak to DS GFs parents

[Sassielassie]

Long story
But DS is going through a mental health crisis. He a tried to commit suicide now twice. It all started when he started dating his GF. He has ADHD and is showing all the signs of hyperfocused dating. They have virtually been living together in each others parents house since day one. Each time she tries to end it (its been two months) he loses the plot and tries to commit suicide or ends up in trouble with the police. She ended it last week. I took him to MH crisis team. We got him on meds and he made positive plans to go forward. But two days later he was back with her. He stopped coming home and lived in her parents house. He had confided in me that his GF also had MH issues and that she had really screwed with her last boyfriends head.
Anyhow. From what i can gather he went out at weekend with friends but she found him and started an argument and he has been arrested. I want to go and speak to GFs parents and explain about mental health issues and that he needs to be home but DH dosent want to go until we find out what he has done. I feel its irrelevant and they still need to know. GF has been texting wondering what has happened so she was clueless so she says. Who is right. Me or DH.

It could have been a breach of the peace OP and they used it to bring him somewhere safe?

I agree with both of the last posters, op. Also it is possible, if nothing too serious, the charges will be dropped. Definitely do talk to your son's girlfriend's parents; they may be just as concerned as you. You sound like a really kind person btw. Good luck.

@ohhyoudevil i totally agree. I have a younger child and just let them get on with it but feel i need to intervene here due to other issues. @yetalk i fear it may be more than than that. He has been lifted at the start of this illness to calm down but just released the next day. Im assuming the fact that hes in court its more serious. I pray to god hes not hurt anyone other than himself.

I agree that you should talk to GF’s parents to put them in the picture & ask for their support in handling this situation. Perhaps at a later date, the couple & both sets of parents can sit down to talk stuff through?

I was about to say similar to oohyoudevil it may also help both of them if they know both sets of parents are on the same hymn sheet and are supportive of trying to help them both as best as possible

Very difficult for you as he is an adult and you are not entitled to know anything from the police or doctors (data protection). Hopefully the police will involve medical safeguards and adult social services. I wish you luck.

@Sicario yes and at the end of the day he is still my child and always will be and i just want to grab him and hug him and make it all magically better.

Yes I think you absolutely should speak to the gf and her parents.

Yes I would speak to GFs parents in the sense that they had your number and could call you if they were worried and if you were too. I would use it to say, look, this is obviously very volatile, and worth keeping an eye on. Ask their thoughts but I’d keep respectfully a little holding back, they have their issues, your family has yours. Agreeing to be able to communicate is a first step. If they are really clued in then you’ll be able to work together, if not, at least you have contact. Has he been sectioned before? Is there any professional that you can turn to? Can you phone up the camhs team? Is he too old for camhs?

@Bananasinpyjamas11 no he has never been sectioned before. So far we have been working with the crisis MH team and the GP. We are waiting on another appointment with the head psychiatrist as my GP feels he had been let down by the system. I will contact the GP tomorrow to update him of events and hopefully spur things on.

Great you are seeing head psychiatrist and you have an active GP. This arrest can be another lever to get more help. Take care of yourselves too.