My kids hate having their picture taken - AIBU?

[softygirl]

Prepared to be told this is me BU.

Have two boys aged 7 and 10. I'm recently divorced (Feb this year) and share access with their dad (he has them Mondays and Tuesdays overnight and EOW).

ExH likes taking pictures and spends large amounts on his camera/ lenses etc. Whenever we went out he would be taking pictures of the kids. To the point where he would be doing that rather than helping me with them. Although at the time this was annoying we have got lots of pictures of the kids growing up and I've put lots of them up on the wall at home.

Now I try to take pics when we are out doing things - on my phone as I don't have a big fancy camera or lenses - but my kids suddenly hate having their picture taken. I do lots more trips to places than ExH (it was always me organising family days out anyway) but all of a sudden they will pull horrible faces or look like they are having the worst time ever at wherever we are. This has included on holiday in Malta, sleeping overnight at the Natural History Museum and going to see the Blackpool Illuminations.

Last night I got so angry at asking them to smile about ten times for a picture I ended up leaving the place and storming back to the car then guilt tripping them about how I love remembering the places we've been and what we've done and they are spoiling it by deliberately looking moody in the pictures. I said I will not be taking their pictures ever again. AIBU?

Yes, YABU. They're supposed to be enjoying the day out rather than posing for constant photos.

I love taking photos of my DS and bought a fancy camera to do so. However, don't you think natural photos of them enjoying themselves are much nicer?

Of course your being unreasonable, refusing to ever take a picture of your children again beacuse the didnt want to smile, theres no need to guilt trip them or get angry as presumably you took them because you wanted them to have the experiance and spend time with them not for them to pose and show everyone how they have as much fun with you as they did when their dad was taking their photos.
Maybe they are bored of having their photo taken all the time, or maybe they think that taking photos is their dads thing? Or prefer their photos being taking with a proper camera?

Sounds like normal small boy behaviour to me. My ds pulls faces or scowls at every camera he sees. Just ignore them. No reason to get cross.

You’ll find you can catch them out occasionally.

I think YABU. Some people really hate having their picture taken and they shouldn’t be pressured or guilted into it. Otherwise the photos become more important than the experience, which is silly. Stick to candid photos and let them enjoy themselves.

(I also think kids of 7 and 10 are too young for emotional blackmail...)

YABU - I hated posing for pictures as a kid and frequently now still refuse to so as an adult. If you want to take pictures of me take them when you aren't forcing me to pose artificially.

I suspect if you do the same with your sons you would get nice pictures when you are use to taking the that way, and both you and they will be happy.

Have you ever been at any of these amazing places and watched children being forced to stand there and pose for photos when all they want to really do is go off exploring and seeing the sights.

I remember a trip to the natural history museum a few years back when this annoying family stood and posed in front of every fricken thing for a hundred photos. The kids looked bored to tears but used to it - sadly.

Try and snap a few pics when they’re not looking,or pictures of them doing stuff, the more natural photos are usually better anyway.

YABU! Just enjoy the day! Now that is what irritates me. I have no problems getting photographs taken, but to be constantly taking photos of me every 5 fucking minutes infuriates me! That is why I have stopped going out for a couple of my friends because all they do is take selfies of themselves when we are out having a meal then constantly take pictures of me eating my dinner. Just fuck off!

Get a camera with a really long zoom. Doesn't have to be a fancy SLR - I think my compact has a 20x or 30x and it's brilliant for catching them unawares. Much nicer than the standard posed shots (although mine are forced to endure the traditional 'back to school' etc ones).

Once the pressure has been off for a while and/or they grow out of being silly for the camera, they're more likely to put up with it so long as it's not too often.

OP I think it's nice to have a few snaps to remind you of special events or nice days out together but don't let the burning need to have a photo record of everything eclipse the importance of having a nice time and making happy memories of the day itself.

This reminds me a bit of when you go out and you see girls people so busy posing for pictures for Facebook and Instagram that they have no time to enjoy the moment. And if your kids don't want their pictures taken then trying to force it will just make them feel cross and ruin the day.

How do you get on with your ex? Is it possible to have a shared Dropbox folder where you can share what pictures you do take with each other?

I feel terrible about getting angry, they both burst into tears because I don't get upset with them very often.

For context I usually do just take pictures when they aren't looking but this time the ten year old had won a prize and was really happy about it so I was asking him to hold it up and smile while I took a picture.

all of mine have been through this phase, dd STILL doesn't like it. I have very few pictures of her from the last 4 years.

I ask them if we can have one or two, and then stop.

Just take a few candid snaps and move on. Or take the ugly face pictures and use them to tease them when they're teens. It's not worth the aggro, 20 years ago you wouldn't have realised they'd pulled silly faces in every picture until long after you got home and you'd have a laugh at them then they'd go straight in an album and not really looked at. Not everything has to be Instagram/Facebook/#makingmemories worthy.

ExH and I don't communicate unless I instigate it unfortunately. Also other thing is my family live miles away and they like seeing pictures of the boys. I don't spend the whole time taking pictures honestly, only a couple of minutes but without fail they will look sulky in them.

Don't get them to pose if that's becoming a flashpoint pun intended . If they're enjoying the days out then you should be able to grab some pics of them being happy without interrupting their fun to take photos.

YAB a bit U for getting so upset about it BUT I completely empathise. Eldest DC's dad seems to get the most gorgeous photos of him, always great in the moment shots or happy, smiling poses. If I ever try, I either capture the blur of him or he pulls faces that would scare a behemoth. Even his school photo last week he doing some weird grimacing gurn - if his dad would have took it, he would've looked like a beautiful cherub. I try and get a few secret pics when he doesn't realise/isn't moving so much, then keep the best out of the bunch.

Take unexpected photos, photos of them walking in front of you, there are loads of ways to take pics without forced smiles

Dc can suddenly get self conscious and maybe this is what happened. Maybe it feels weird to them now without their DF taking the pictures.

Maybe they feel odd being a family of 3 doing things they used to do as a family of 4.

Or there could be another reason, my DD stopped smiling for pictures at about 10 because she noticed her front teeth stick out and she didn't like how they look in photos when she smiles. Next stop a brace for the next however many years then maybe she will smile again.

You do know that life still happens and your brain stores memories even when no camera is present, right? Are you living life or chronicling it?

I'm a parent of teens who hate pics too.(no selfies on their social media!)

I never post pics on social media and have come to a compromise. Some occasions are non-negotiable eg a family pic before Xmas dinner or a pic of them with birthday cake. I have greatly reduced the pics I take of them out of respect. Sometimes they will prefer to be the photographer but for now I'd stick to the silly faces. They will come to realize that they might as well fake a smile because those photos are forever.

UpOnTheDowns I definitely do know that, I hate that #making memories #feeling blessed bollocks. They are enjoying themselves, which is what frustrates me as soon as they see a camera they look like they're being dragged around

I not only don't like posing for photos, but I think non-posed photos look a lot better. Snaps of my children looking at each other, looking at the scenery or whatever we're visiting and pulling a spontaneous, natural face are so much more memorable and valuable to me than 100 photos of them doing rictus smiles at the camera-holder, revealing nothing of the mood or interest they were actually feeling on that occasion.

Agree with others - develop your skills at taking undetected, distant shots, and show them later (not at the place), and I bet they'll love them.

Oh god my parents were like this, ruined every occasion by having a 15 minute photo shoot, telling us where to stand, how to stand, where to look. Just take natural photos when they aren’t aware. Anything posed always looks just that anyway.

Thanks all, I have apologised to them and think I agree will just have to take natural pics as much as possible in future and leave the posing ones for now.