To ask for a bit of a hand-hold

[Justanothernamechange2]

Im not sure if im being a bit pathetic or if my feelings are justified..who knows.

My partner suffers from depression. He can go a while and be okay but as soon as a new trigger emerges he can hit rock bottom. Hes had CBT, other therapies and anti-depressants. Theyve all worked short-term but were yet to find something that works long term.

Only, im starting to find it all really really difficult.. but i dont want him to know. The last thing i want is him to feel guilty on top of his current emotions. I also feel really selfish to be struggling because its him whose not well, what right do i have to feel this way?

I know the ins and outs of his depression and i know the triggers. But he also doesnt want to talk to me when hes down. He pretends hes fine until its too much even though i know hes not. He changes, he gets temper, he loses motivation for anything etc... but he point blank refuses to open up to me.. i feel like im constantly on egg shells trying to dodge his temper. Then things will look up for a while.

How on earth do i deal with this?

I’m not sure tbh OP.. but wanted you to know people are here.. is there a support group for this type of this? Technically you are caring for him so you might be able to find a carers group?

I’m the other side of this and I have bipolar disorder and I can make life extremely difficult for my partner, I’d hate for him to suffer in silence but equally when I’m having a depressive episode it can be very difficult to understand other people’s emotions and even relate to them. But I just wanted to say that because I am so so so grateful to my partner for what he deals with and I think your partner will be too he probably just can’t see it, it’s like a dark cloud over your life and the fog is so thick you can’t see the people around you. Is there someone he can speak to? Like even a friend or someone who can help ‘care’ for him? (By care for him I mean offer to go to cinema or for a coffee with him to ease the mental burden from you?) you have to look after yourself too, you can’t look after someone else when you’re running empty! Do you have hobbies and time away from him?

You and my partner are heroes in my eyes!

Thanks for that reply darkpassenger it was helpful. I know he appreciates me because when he comes out of the said period of time hes always thanking me for staying etc (id never leave anyway!) But i feel like i just have to say its okay.

Hes not gone to work today and hes gone for a day at a local garden centre with his mum for a wander and a coffee etc instead of sitting home on his own while im at work.

I do have a few hobbies but not really acted on them lately. Maybe i should.

I know itll be okay and when time has passed he will see clearly again for a while and i know his temper isnt meant to be aimed at me etc, its just so difficult some days.