Cant go to friends destination wedding

[ChocolateToffee]

So a bit of back story-
This girl (T) and I were friends from 1st grade till a few years after high school, so we were quite close. She got a girlfriend and started not talking to me for some reason. She likes to spend all her time with her girlfriend- ok fair enough. This apparently also means she doesnt want to talk to me because she wouldn't ever answer my calls or rarely respond to my texts

One day out of the blue she asks me to catch up and to bring my camera so I go to her place and she wants me to take photos of her proposing to her girlfriend. I take the photos and it's all lovely- then I dont hear from her for a year, in fact once I saw her walking in the shops so I called her phone and she looked at her phone and then ignored my call . After that I didnt bother forcing my friendship if she didnt want it.

It's now been about 1.5 years after that and I get a message from her. Shes getting married on an island and wants me and DH to come. She also wants me to be her MOH . We had a look at the island and it's a luxary resort and we will have to spend quite a bit of cash on flights, cash we are trying to save for a new house. I messaged her and told her we are really sorry and wont be able to make it but if theres anything I can do to help I will. She read the message but didnt reply and I heard from someone else that shes really annoyed that her "best friend" isnt going to the wedding.

Who is BU? I feel a bit bad about not going and if it was closer I would go but I'm not prepared to shell out over five thousand for someone I didnt think was a friend

Wow she really needs a large dose of brutal honesty. I would have replied to the invite with a "I think this was sent to me in error. Someone will be missing an invite"
She is a terrible friend. Well, not a terrible friend as she isn't a friend at all. Just tell her straight.

"You have ignored my calls and messages for XX years. You contacted me only to take photos for you then immediately after, went out of your way to completely ignore my attempts at contact for another year. I am confused as to why you want my services or company now."

I know exactly how you feel. My best - closer than sisters- friend from age 10 ghosted me at 27. Then 14 months later got back in touch. We chatted and caught up but then she ghosted me again after a few weeks. Over 2 years later she got back in touch again, I was polite and replied back (curiosity got me I guess) and then after a short time she ghosted me again. I always reply when she contacts me now because quite frankly, I wanna see where it goes each time. DH and I try to guess when she'll start ignoring me again. Being ditched by a best friend can hurt as much as any relationship break up. It took years for me to stop being bitter and sad about mine.

I think some people honestly have difficulty recognising when relationships have changed: I’m dyspraxic (which causes problems with social interaction) and my sister is autistic. I’ve noticed we both tend to categorise people as “this is my friend” then not notice somehow when that’s changed. Appreciate that makes no sense! I’ve got much better as I got older but it’s something I have to consciously think about or analyse.

So just being charitable to your former friend maybe she honestly still has you in that “best friend” category in her mind? In which case a calm clear message saying you wish her well, you remember the good times, but she hasn’t actually spoken to you or replied in a couple of years so you’re not that close anymore might be a kind thing to do.

Alternatively she’s a user and wants a free wedding photographer!

Just reply ‘new phone, who dis?’

When you have a destination wedding you know fully well that not all your invited guests will be able to make it and that’s the risk you take. I wouldn’t worry about declining, it’s standard.

Cinders I'm sorry you had a shitty friend too. My DH laughed when we got the invitation, said he didnt think we were even friends anymore.

If she replies with a moan, just ignore it.

Don't even think about it, don't go, she is a user, and will probably want you running after her. I would have dropped her a long time ago, don't be a mug. Why would you want to go to an expensive wedding, of someone who thinks so little of you. I would ask myself what is their ulterior motive for asking you to be MOH. Bet they want you to be their official photographer or slave.

Wow best friend eh, if she treats her best friend like that, I dread to think of how she treats her ordinary friends. Delete and block her.