To be irritated by this?

[LostMarblesAgain]

Long story short...DF passed away a couple of weeks back after a horrific long illness. My immediate family have provided care at home for the past 2 yrs on a 24x7 basis and we are really struggling with our loss.
Just seen posts on FB from extended family members who have not seen DF in over 4 yrs. These individuals have been nowhere to be found in all this time, however are totally milking their 'grief' and have received 100's of posts sympathizing with their loss.
AIBU to be incredibly irritated by this? Tempted to add a 'sorry for your devastating loss, hun' message to their list!

You are not being unreasonable, in fact I'd be telling them to shut the fuck up

I’d burn boats and say ‘Why you acting bothered when you haven’t bothered to visit in 4 years?’ Wankers.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

YANBU.
Some people just thrive on the attention unfortunately. It's all about them.
Twats.

I'd be posting on their FB pages asking where were they when needed

I'm very sorry for your loss. I'd certainly be extremely irritated. I entertain fantasies of denouncing at my mum's funeral when she dies, of all the people who didn't offer any help or support to us or her in her suffering - the ones making the most noise and offering no practical support - even just a 10 minute visit and holding her hand would have helped

I’m so sorry for your loss.

At DH’s Grandfather’s funeral one of his other (adult) grandsons sat in the pew in front of us and howled his way through the service.

He hadn’t made the effort to visit, call or write to his Grandfather for at least 4 years.

We sat stoney faced and gritted our teeth our of respect for DH’s parents.

I really don’t understand grief tourism. It’s in terribly poor taste.

So sorry for your loss OP. YANBU.

Are you strong enough to post something along the lines of

Thank you aunt mertle for your kind words about dad. I can appreciate his passing must have been a shock to you and uncle dick. The last few years were difficult for dad. It’s such a shame you didn’t get a chance to see him during his illness but I know lives get busy.

Passive aggressive and everyone reading it wil, fully we they vanished during th rough times

Nonagrey just because you haven't seen a.loved one in years doesn't mean that their death can't be devastating. I cry almost every day at some point about my grandparents, who died 4 years ago. I hadn't seen them for 2 years before the died, but we spoke regularly on the phone and wrote too... I couldn't be there at their sides when they passed and I couldn't come to the funerals... I live abroad and the visa would require me to stay 7 weeks to renew it if I leave the country. It doesn't make my loss any less than their other grandchildren just because we were apart those last years. Grief tourism is a horrible phrase to use for a man who clearly was upset.

I agree with you flyingspaghettimonster.

Flying i think Nona knows her family better than you.

YADNBU and sorry for your loss
I spent 4 years caring for a family friend with cancer and during that time her family didn't visit once and her daughter would phone her once a month.
They couldn't see her on her deathbed as had difficulties getting to her apparently but actually took selfies of themselves in front of her coffin before sobbing and screaming the church down during the service amid speeches of what a wonderful person she was.
They ransacked her house for valuables straight after the funeral then vanished again.
I think adding a post to theirs similar to what dolly has said is fine and gets the point across.

Havaina, I think Flying just wanted to show that those who cannot visit their parents or other close relatives regularly can also feel a lot of greaf. They may also feel guilty they couldn't visit them as much as they wanted to. But of course there are cases where the relatives just act.

I’d be tempted to add a ‘it’s certainly a difficult time. I know df was fond of you - he would have loved to have seen you more regularly. I think the last time was 201?? if I recall? Best wishes to you and yours xxxx’ but then I’m a cunt so prob best to just leave it.

Josiebloggs, their behaviour was pure act and absolutely revolting.

I also have experience of caring for a close relative who’s even closer relatives couldn’t (be bothered to) visit. Didn’t have any problem getting there to empty the house and sell their stuff within a few days though.

Just read Dolly’s message which is much nicer but still makes the point!

I think Flying just wanted to show that those who cannot visit their parents or other close relatives regularly can also feel a lot of greaf. They may also feel guilty they couldn't visit them as much as they wanted to. But of course there are cases where the relatives just act.

But the thread's not about people who genuinely can't visit/help. Flying is taking offence where none was intended.

Grief tourism is a horrible phrase to use for a man who clearly was upset.

I actually meant grief tourism in relation to the OP’s relative’s Facebook post.

I’ve lived abroad myself Flying I understand that not everyone is in a position to be right on the doorstep for a loved one, and I’m sorry for your loss but you are projecting.

If you read my actual post I said that this man hadn’t visited, called or written for years. His situation is not comparable to yours.

And he didn’t live abroad, and he wasn’t without the means to visit his grandfather. He just didn’t choose to make the time.

He didn’t choose to, and that was his decision and his consequences to bear.

And no doubt he was sad that his Grandfather was dead, but like the OP I tend to feel the time to show your love and concern for someone is when they are still alive and need you. When your love and concern will make a difference to their lives.

Ignoring someone for years and then wallowing in grief leaves rather a bad taste in my mouth personally.

But rest assured I was just as polite and respectful to the gentleman concerned as to the rest of the family despite my personal feelings on the matter.

Havaina thank you for you words in my defence.

Yanbu OP. We have a crew like this in our family and it irritates the fuck out of me!!!
No matter who has died / has an death anniversary, they put up a real feel sorry post, often cryptic so that it fishes for 'you ok hun?' Grrrrrr
One family member actually posted a picture (a selfie to boot) of herself crying!!!! It's unbelievably ridiculous.
Makes me mad enough to want to kick them in the fucking fanny!!!
Sorry for you loss