To be angry at DDs DF
milkytea · 23/09/2018 21:32
When I met DDs birth DF, it wasn't serious. We dated on and off for a while. After we slept together for the first time on the day after Valentine's day (literally minutes after), he left the room and I noticed a Valentine's day card from his girlfriend. We broke up. I found out I was pregnant very early on, and decided to keep DD as I was told I had low chance of having a baby (one fallopian tube removed and only 1 period a year). He told me he'd be involved. But never showed up for the 20 week scan and I didn't hear from him again. I tried to get hold of him when I went into labour, when she was born, and when I was registering her birth but I just got "ok." In a text. I stopped trying after that.
I have a wonderful DP, and he's really stepped up as a fatherly figure to DD. She knows he's not her birth DF but they have such an amazing relationship and I couldn't thank him enough. DP has frequently said, however, that if her DF came back into the picture he'd step back and give him a chance to be a real dad.
Back in April EX sent me a message asking how DD was. I sent him photos and told him how well she's doing. After about 5 messages he tells me he got his girlfriend pregnant. Since then he has shown hardly any interest in DD but updates me on his new baby. Sending me scan photos and maternity pictures. It honestly boils my blood. He added me on Facebook and posted about how excited he is to have his FIRST baby. Turns out he never told his girlfriend about his 4 year old daughter. The baby was just born. He won't leave me alone, bragging about his beautiful little girl. AIBU to just block him? It stops him getting in contact about DD but I doubt he would any way.
Disclaimer: I'm not jealous that he has a girlfriend or even that he has another baby. I'm just so angry that he gloats about his new baby to me when he also has such a stunning daughter who he doesn't give a flying fuck about.
Tryingforsleepthief2 · 23/09/2018 21:39
Definitely block him. What a dick.
I'm asssuming he doesn't pay maintenance either?
Ellisandra · 23/09/2018 21:45
Time for a maintenance claim, and let him explain that one to his SECOND child’s mother. What an arsehole.
AnoukSpirit · 23/09/2018 21:47
He sounds like a controlling prick trying to mess with your head and upset you.
milkytea · 23/09/2018 21:47
I hate to be a pot stirrer but I might have to on this one. But then again he hasn't paid for a single nappy or meal since she was born
user1473878824 · 23/09/2018 21:48
What a prick. I second, third and fourth going for CMS.
Courtney555 · 23/09/2018 21:48
I'd cope with it all under the "he's a dickhead , and I'm thankful he's not my dickhead" umbrella.... Until he called the child his first child.
I don't know if I could handle that. Show boating his "first" baby. So what's DD, some little piece of nothing that doesn't qualify? The more I think, I'd be going through the roof. I'd let the gf know about DD immediately. Because this child is her biological step sibling, and she is not a dirty secret.
He's sending you everything he can about this new baby. All you're doing is returning the favour. To her.
This has really fucked me off to a new level on your DDs behalf!! Can you tell
Ellisandra · 23/09/2018 21:48
Now obviously I’m not seriously suggesting this, as you shouldn’t be cruel to the unsuspecting girlfriend.
But I’m fantasising about you sending her a message “congratulations, she’s gorgeous! X shared the photos - can’t believe how like was at that age. Hope you don’t mind me reaching out to you directly, but would love to meet her little sister, and it’s usually mums that arrange the family things isn’t it?”
Stick that in your pipe, arsehole ex!
Of course, you must just block.
user1473878824 · 23/09/2018 21:49
Fuck pot stirring, I think the new girlfriend needs to know - not through you but go through the proper channels.
theworldistoosmall · 23/09/2018 21:49
What would I do?
Put in a claim for maintenance.
Post on the pictures, about how his older DD is looking forward to meeting her baby sister.
Not your fault he hasn't been man enough to own up to another child. Not like the mother isn't going to find out anyway when his wages have an attachment on them.
milkytea · 23/09/2018 21:55
I've been tempted on many occasions to message her and let her know about her DD having a big sister. But it would end badly. And i don't want two children to have no dad. Although I can't imagine him being a brilliant one, manipulative prick.
Xocaraic · 23/09/2018 21:55
As much as you want to take a big spoon and stir things up, what positive outcome will there be? Bio Dad won't choose to be more involved with your DD, new baby will likely grow up also without a Dad, current GF of Bio Dad will be broken...All I see is a path of misery and destruction.
Your current partner and your DD clearly like each other and him choosing her speaks volumes. I vote for him, I vote for your family unit and happiness.
Block Bio Dad and move on, swiftly.
theworldistoosmall · 23/09/2018 21:58
You don't have to message her. You post on the pictures. What else does he expect when he is doing this? If it's not you that mentions an older sibling on the photos, someone else will. As chances are there are more.
theworldistoosmall · 23/09/2018 22:01
And the bio mum will find out as soon as CMS start sending him letters. She will be oh ask for a paternity because he will deny. This will, of course, come back as his. Then there will be the issue of his wage reduced. He will still deny, but oh hang on a minute babe how comes this woman is an FB friend and contact op.
Will the advice then be deny everything to her?
TokyoSushi · 23/09/2018 22:02
Don't post, don't tell the GF, don't do anything like that, just go for the CMS and the rest will be revealed by itself.
Courtney555 · 23/09/2018 22:04
His current gf can't stay with him if she finds out he has a child already? Not your problem. Not DDs either.
I'm usually very "rise above it" but this is so beyond unacceptable, that you don't even think about the consequences to him and his life. He'll just potentially have two maintenance claims instead of one.
He can hide the CM correspondence, so I'd put the claim in, and then, in about 6 weeks, let the gf know about DD.
MrsTommyBanks · 23/09/2018 23:03
What an utter cunt. CMS as soon as possible.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you
garethsouthgatesmrs · 23/09/2018 23:08
Agree go for cms but the people saying post on pics and tell the girlfriend are very cruel. She has just had a new baby. She may even be on here discussing how hard it is. Yes in the long run she ought to know but surely it would be ok for her to find out in due course. Its not urgent at this time for her is it?
OP I know you have said you won't do this anyway my comment is not directed at you. Your new partner sounds amazing.
Feefeetrixabelle · 23/09/2018 23:09
Cms that wasters arse. First child! Fucking twatbadger.
StressedToTheMaxx · 23/09/2018 23:26
I couldn't have seen the post about first baby and not gone into spiteful mode and end up posting everything about dd.
What an absolute tw*t!
You are a classly lady OP
And Claiming using the CMS isn't being spiteful it's what your dd is entitled to so another vote for getting in contact with them.
milkytea · 24/09/2018 00:20
Thank you all. I'm going to get in touch with citizens advice tomorrow as he's moved and I don't have an address for him so I'm not sure if I can claim but I'll definitely be trying to.
dontfluffthefluffer · 24/09/2018 00:28
You could always ask for his address to send a congratulations card to
Agree with blocking the shit out of him though. Rude git.
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