Childcare arrangements with ex - is this fair?

[Moana034]

Hello ladies

I need a really honest and impartial advice - please do tell me if you feel I'm being unreasonable, but equally, please do support me if you feel I'm being given a rough deal.
I separated from my husband a year ago and we have an excellent relationship, centered around a friendship and always working for the benefit of our two children, age 5 and 7.
My husband has a new relationship where the woman also has a child of her own, and her custody agreement is that the boy spends every other weekend with his father, therefore she's only free every other weekend. She has been living with her parents while her new house is being renovated, but as they help with childcare during the week when she's in work (the boy is 9 and in school), she doesn't ask them for any evening babysitting.
My husband has always insisted that we split the week as evenly as possible in terms of seeing the children ie. where they sleep. We have tried a few different schedules and have, for quite a long time now, been settled on Sun-Tue with me, Wed-Fri with him and then alternate Saturdays. It does mean that he has had the children every Friday and I have been free, but I want to stress, this has not been my requirement as such, and he's been completely happy with it until now.
Also just to mention, I'm now also seeing someone else.
Anyway, the new GF has said that it's not fair that she and my husband can only see each other for 1 night every other week. I totally agree - that's not enough and I immediately offered that we change so that every weekend, he can have 1 night with her (and I can have 1 night with my partner), and we can alternate whether that's a Fri or a Sat, to make it fair on everyone.
However this doesn't work for the GF - she doesn't want to get a sitter, nor ask her parents, on the alternate weeks. She's happy to continue seeing my husband every other weekend, but wants both nights (both Friday and Sat). This effectively means that now, out of the blue, I can only see my partner every other week, too. (I work late on the other nights).
Is this fair? I feel like my husband and I (ex-husband, if you like) have worked extremely hard and been very successful, over the last 12 months, in building a schedule that works for us and creating a balance, but now, purely through the needs and demands of another person, we're having to completely change everything. Not only does this affect my relationship with my partner, but it also affects the children, as they're now going to be moved back and forth every 2 days, most of the time. My ex has promised me that the children's interests would always, always come first, but I feel that now he's literally not even considering them - all because his GF won't ask parents to help out, by looking after her son (who lives in the same house, and would be in bed asleep in any case!!) twice a month.
Please help.

You are being reasonable, he is not if he agrees with his gf. Selfish cow she sounds.

He is bvu

The previous arrangement was working well for all of you and the new GFs childcare issues aren’t your problem.

If your relationship with your ex is as good as you think, it doesn’t depend on you moving heaven and earth to suit her and compromise on what’s best for you, your children and your new relationship.

It’s not fair on your DC to be moved around more than necessary and there’s no reason for it. When you started seeing your DP it was on the basis of the existing set up and your ex should have been willing to do the same.

Honestly, you sound really nice, what you and your ex have post split is rare and valuable and it would be a real shame if he was willing to damage it by putting you and the DC out like this. Calmly tell him you prefer to stick with the previous arrangement.

Just who does the gf thinks she is trying to call the shots on arrangements for your children?

Your ex should grow a backbone and not bow down to her. You should continue as you've always done regarding access, especially if that's what makes your dc happiest.

Thank you all very much - I have to add, or clarify, that I don't think I have any choice in this unfortunately. It's going to go ahead because I can't really afford to rupture the relationship with my kids' dad, regardless of who is being unreasonable, but I just wanted to know for the sake of my own sanity, because apparently I'm the one who's being selfish, grrr.
Thank you again.

OP, the goodwill in your relationship with your ex can’t be dependent on you accommodating him while he pushes you and the kids around. If it is, he’s not actually a good guy and you’re not that amicable.

You have choices. If you give in now to appease him you set a precedent.

It’s not about just you either. What about your children being pulled from pillar to post because their dad’s new gf who’s currently nothing to them has babysitting issues.

It’s madness.

Tell him it doesn’t work for the children, it’s not in their best interests and you need to totally re negotiate child arrangements.
If he argues advise him you are willing to go to court.
What will happen if/when he falls out with the girlfriend? You’ll be back here telling us he is changing arrangements again.
Don’t be a walkover op, a good relationship depends on you both.

I agree go at him that you always agreed that it would be in. The best way interests of the children.