To be outraged by the offer of a discount conditional on no reference written for other schools?

[BengalGal]

We are using all our life savings, a re-mortgage, and now some of our parents' income to send our children to private school. One is dyslexic, one was bullied a lot, and one just doesn't want to be the only one not going to the same schools. Naturally I am hoping DD1 will be able and willing to go to a state 6th form, at least she should try. She is our first, now year 11. She wants to stay in her small religious girls school.

Last week at the parent's year 11 information night we were told that if we did not ask for a recommendation from the school for our child to apply to any other 6th form we would get 15% off the school fees on for their own 6th form. This would be in addition to any other scholarships or bursaries.

I want to write to the head and go see her too and really tell her how unfair and outrageous I find this. We really struggle to make each term's payment and DD2 was set to start year 10 at the local school til the grandparents stepped in. To me it seems really mean to dangle this 15% off the fees on the condition that no recommendation get written.... DD1 is dreamy and last minute and though she is expected to get mostly 7s she could well freak out and who knows how she will manage. Her present school may be her only option. Or she might do really well and get into a good state 6th form. They are all selective I guess. (I am not from the UK and it's all new to me). But if we were super wealthy I would just yank her out anyway because this seems really mean to me.

Experienced parents of 6th form kids, what do you think? Teachers? Heads?

Could we apply and explain we can't get a reference because of this mean policy?
Should I tell the head she is going to drive people away with this? I think if she had said something like, those who decide to stay at the school by x date could get a discount.... but the no reference idea seems really wrong to me.

But you don't want her to stay there- you can't afford it!
Just ignore their threats, and find a less selective sixth form or college as her back-to-back/fall back option.

But you can get a reference, you'd just forego a 15% discount that you didn't know was available until just now anyway.

I think I would apply for her to go somewhere else as you are already struggling

So essentially they are saying that if you commit to their school they will give you a discount? Can't see the issue with this.
I didn't realise you even needed a reference for sixth form entry - is this just a private school thing (in which case if you're looking at state schools this may not apply)?

You 16yo just started state school 6th form and a reference was not required - they interview you and look at your grades ... simple!!!

*my

It may differ by area but ime you don't need a reference to apply to a state 6th form. If your DD is on track for 7s I'd say she'd get in on her results alone.

Hmm , I wonder how financially stable the school is. Is it a small school by any chance? It sounds as if they are desperate to keep their numbers up, even at a cut in margin. What happens if some leave anyway and it becomes financially less viable? Is it as attractive with a more limited choice of subjects and specialist staff.

I can't see the issue with this, they're maybe struggling and chasing a smaller and smaller pool of interest. As pp have said it's not like you stand to lose. Sixth form is a very different kettle of fish and it might be time for your daughter to make that change and build her resilience back up.

Why on earth would you pay tens of thousands of pounds to have your DD privately educated only to then pull her out for the most important 2 years. Seems absolutely mental to me.

I attended a British (state) further education college for my A-levels. With a good education behind me and a lot of motivation it was just great for me. I got good grades and got onto a very good course at a Russell Group university but if your daughter is 'dreamy' and 'last minute' maybe MilkyTea20 is right.

She won't need a reference to apply to a state school but it's not unreasonable to offer a "loyalty bonus"

I don't know if you need a reference as such for sixth form but you do need the current school to give predicted GCSE grades. However, you could write on the application form that the existing school will not give a reference without levying a monetary penalty so you can't ask for one.