To not want to go to my friend's kid's party?

[GraceMarks]

I have several friends who all have young children - I don't have any myself and I'm not especially good with kids. One friend is organising a first birthday do for her baby which will be attended by lots of other babies and children, and I will be the only one there who doesn't have any.

I really don't want to go! I don't enjoy spending time around young children en masse and I don't want to be the weird odd one out who nobody can think of anything to say to.

I suppose I could make up some lie about prior arrangements or have a last minute emergency but this is my oldest friend and I would prefer it if I could be honest with her about my reasons.

Is there a nice way of telling someone that you're basically uncomfortable about going to their child's celebration that makes it about me, not her? Would those of you with kids understand if a friend said the same to you?

Just make up an excuse. There's nothing to gain by being honest in this situation.

Just say you cant make it. However quite a few first birthday parties i went to were with parents friends/families more as a social gathering. After that it tends to be about the children and their playfriends.

In your position I would decline citing a prior engagement but send a card and a small token gift. This way your friend won't feel snubbed and you get to keep your friendship without any awkwardness.

First birthdays are imo about the adults, not the kids. If you don't want to go make up an excuse, there's nothing to be gained from telling her you basically don't like her kid.

Could you say more or less what you've said in your second paragraph, but phrase it as feeling uncomfortable or awkward with large groups of children rather than that you don't enjoy it? You could suggest an alternative time when you could see her alone with the baby, and give a gift (if you were planning a gift).

Yanbu

I have a young child and sitting through these things is awful. Do it with a smile. Wouldn't bother without a kid. It's not like if you don't go you're depriving someone of a bouncy castle and sweets.

My sister went to something similar. When the ladies asked which child was hers and she replied she doesn't have any children they walked away 😂

Just to add, I don't have children and in the days when I had friends with young DC, it was fine seeing a friend and their child one-to-one, but in a large group with children all the adult talk was about children so there was no point in my being there as I had nothing to contribute.

aperol I don't not like her baby - she's a baby, what on earth could she have done to earn my dislike? It's just that I'm not very good with children en masse and these parties for babies do tend to be more for parents to talk to each other about their children. That's absolutely fine but it's not for me.

Don’t go, your friends will understand, if they don’t they ABU. Why should you go?

If I went to a one year old's party and there was a childless adult there I would winner what the hell they were doing there. Not because I think they don't matter but because why on earth would you go to a party for kids unless you have to. I hate kids parties (and have kids). I would make an excuse this time because people go a bit mad in the first couple of years of parenthood and she will be offended. By the time the kid is three, if she's still inviting you, come clean.

Just say you can't make it.
Your friend probably didn't want to exclude you but the choice as to whether you go or not is yours.
My DD's Godmother doesn't have children. I invited her to birthdays etc as I didn't want to not include her just because she doesn't have children. I wanted her to choose if she wanted to come or not but it was always an invitation not an order to attend.

I am part of a group of five close friends and I'm the only one who is childfree. I've always been invited to their children's parties and I've almost always declined and it's been fine. I think they will likely not be expecting you to attend but ask out of courtesy as you are a good friend and they don't want to leave you out.

Just say you can't make it but look forward to seeing her when you call in with her card and pressies. (Kids birthday parties weren't my thing even when I had young children.)

If it's a kids party then I wouldn't have an issue with a friend without children not coming. However for my DS first birthday it was small and mostly adults (close friends and family) and I would have been hurt if my close friend didn't come to that, unless had something pre booked of course.

I went to a few of my nephew’s birthday parties when he was younger and found them pretty unbearable to be honest. I don’t have children and would be the only one there without. Nowadays just have a separate birthday tea with his mum and dad and myself and DH.

Just say you can’t attend.

Bloody hell, YANBU. The only reason I live children's parties is because I have kids. I refused to go to any before that. Don't do it.

If this was a good friend of mine I'd want to support her on this,to her,really important day.
This really isn't about you and I think you are being selfish(sorry)
Could you not at least go and help her prepare for it,take some lovely photo's,make sure she's all set to go as i expect she will be very busy,and then once the party is underway,slip off?

Just make a really good excuse - have you any elderly relatives approaching a milestone birthday 🍰

I completely understand !

Just don't go!

The first birthday is a little different as none of the babies have friends or play together. But i would expect it to be very very small ie close blood relatives and a best friend.

If it was my bestie I would say "sorry Mary but babies en masse scare the life out of me. I only like Baby Angela, can we do something alone just the three of us, my treat"

Thighofrelief I think I like your suggestion best - it's truthful without, I hope, being insulting. Thanks to everyone for their ideas.