to not tell DSD I'm awake?

[SarahH12]

I've been awake since 4:30 am due to bloody insomnia. I thought I'd make the most of being awake and do some of my Open University studying.

I'm sat in the kitchen with the light on. DSD (6 years old) just came downstairs, walked into the living room then walked back upstairs and closed her door.

Is it mean to not make her aware I'm awake? I really need to at least try and finish this chapter but I also feel mean to not tell her and leave her on her own. But I'm also bloody knackered and just wanting to be alone for another half hour or so. Is that selfish of me?

The acid test for me in this kind of situation is: what would a man do?

I think they'd crack on and keep doing exactly what they wanted. So YANBU OP.

If my dd came downstairs and I was already downstairs but it was before her usual wake time then yes I’d ask if she was ok and take her back up.

Not a big deal.

If the dd normally gets up at this time then I’d give up trying to work and say good morning. Or put the tv on for her so I could get more done.

It’s not a hardship.

The acid test for me in this kind of situation is: what would a man do?

Why? Why is a mans actions (incredibly sexist by the way) the definitive yardstick 🙈

Perfectly normal reaction. Much as we love them, it's lovely to have a bit of peace and quiet when we can get away with it. And you are actually working which deserves it even more.

Implicit within this is the same problem - the idea that women should always priorities children over themselves.

It was more of a jibe towards taking time to use social media to overthink an issue which could be resolved in real life in a much shorter time. Especially as op was after a break. Regardless if it were a man or woman id have put the same comment.

I'm amazed at the fact she went back to sleep.

deadgood perfectly put

The reason the OP didn't need to tell the child she was awake was because once the child knows she's awake she would want breakfast, attention etc and study time would be over. You can't 'check if a 6 year old is ok and tuck them back in' at 6.30am.

This is hilarious. What a non- problem. Is this honestly all you have to worry about and take time to write a post asking if it's ok. Crazy

Why? Why is a mans actions (incredibly sexist by the way) the definitive yardstick

Because women beat themselves up needlessly about being selfish for wanting to study for a couple of hours, whereas a man would not give a shit. It's about society's expectations that women must never put themselves first, yet men are free to do so without criticism.

Because women beat themselves up needlessly about being selfish for wanting to study for a couple of hours, whereas a man would not give a shit

Bollocks.

Also the OP had been up and studied already. She obviously felt guilty - hence posting - so why ignore the feeling of guilt because you think a man wouldn’t feel that way

Maybe there’s something else going on hence the guilt. And hence my response - just say a quick hello. Not a big deal.

It's not like she's two, she's capable of going to the loo and pooing back to bed. I wouldn't worry op.

Nah that’s not unreasonable! I’d miss all sorts of deadlines if I didn’t do a stealthy early morning dash into my partner’s office when DSS is here. I love all the fort building etc after, but I do need an hour or two to chug coffee and get a head start on my work otherwise it’s at the back of my mind the whole time!

OP - you are over checking yourself because it's a stepchild. I frequently hide from my children or they would suck the life out of me.

It was more of a jibe towards taking time to use social media to overthink an issue which could be resolved in real life in a much shorter time.

Thanks for that. But as others have pointed out, she wouldn't have given me a moments peace had I have made my presence known. She would have wanted breakfast, constant interaction etc whereas normally if we're not up, she'll get up around 6 - 6:30 and amuse herself for a while and either wait for us to get up or she'll wake us up around 8 / 9ish when she decides she wants breakfast. Not once did I say I didn't have time to check on her. What I didn't have time for was to not be able to finish my work due to then needing to give her 100% of my attention for the next few hours!

@Thighofrelief you're definitely right about overchecking because she's a stepchild.

@girlalmighty no actually but thanks for assuming one post means this is all I have to worry about. Actually there's a fuck load of other stuff I need to worry about too, but there's no point me posting about it as it's not going to change anything.

This is hilarious. What a non- problem. Is this honestly all you have to worry about and take time to write a post asking if it's ok. Crazy

Oh dear, have we misplaced the list of problems it's acceptable to post about again? Perhaps you'd like to knock a new one up @girlalmighty?

It's almost as if humans are complex creatures, capable of dealing with multiple things all at the same time. Almost.

Funnily enough I have 3 children. Middle one 6 and I'm studying for my own course. I understand the early wake up. I completely understand the hiding. No judgement.
My point being you were on mumsnet aibu looking for advice and interaction. You made your choice (fair play) and then wanted everyone to reassure you, you were ok. You needed that. I get that now.

Why was it a silly thing to say? Don't have time to interact with a child but takes time to consider the implications of it and post about it. That's silly.

Because, Married, interacting with the child in this case would almost certainly mean that OP's work would come to an end - she'd have to stop completely in order to look after, play with, feed, and pay attention to the child. Whereas a post on MN takes around half a minute. They simply aren't comparable.

check my post immediately above yours. Explains everything you've actually pointed out in your 'post'