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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

NDN is making my life hell

48 replies

Binkyboo16 · 22/09/2018 22:45

Sorry if this is long but I really need advice on how to deal with this situation.

I’m a private renter and have been in my house just over a year now. We have an older dog and 2 DC under 2. When we first moved in our NDN were lovely and always spoke when we saw them, never any issues until about 6 months ago. NDN came knocking the door to say the dog was constantly barking. Now me and DP work opposite shifts so dog is only left for short periods of time on his own, even when we go out for the day we make sure someone will be along to let him out/walk him or just stick around for half an hour to give him a fuss and fresh water etc. I apologised and explained our work pattern and said I would try to see if there was something that was bothering him whilst we were out. He is kept in our large kitchen, not caged, with quiet radio on to block outdoor noises as much as possible and make him feel comfortable. Always let out before I go, always has food and water and is walked every single day. Less than a week later he was banging on my door again claiming we are a nuisance and threatening to call the RSPCA and tell them I am abusing my dog and he hoped they would take him away!! Third trimester hormones had me shaking with anger and telling him I had nothing to hide so he could call them and he would be the one looking a fool! Clearly nothing came of that so he has now decided to start hassling my landlord in an attempt to get me evicted. My LL’s are lovely and have met the dog and have told me under no circumstances am I to listen to him but he is becoming a nightmare. He last cornered me in the street with my DC in tow and started yelling at me saying he is getting a solicitor involved and is documenting every time I leave the house and how long I’m gone for . I have put cameras up to watch the dog when I’m out and I can not see any point where he barks for more than a couple of minutes (may be point to add that this seems to be when the other NDN’s 3 dogs are outside as camera has picked up background barking) but this man is making my life hell. I now don’t want to leave the house through fear of him verbally accosting me in the street with my DC, last time my eldest was in floods of tears because he scared her. Probably not a AIBU but more of a WWYD?

OP posts:

TheMonkeyMummy · 26/09/2018 07:12

How many times a Day is your dog barking, for a few Minutes at a time?

Flopjustwantscoffee · 26/09/2018 07:13

How old is he? (Not being ageist) I only ask because my grandma at one point became obsessed with the idea the neighbours were mistreating their dog and it was barking all the time (it wasn't) It turned out to be early stages of dementia. He might just be being a miserable bastard of course. But either way having it recorded with someone somewhere (like the police) is a good idea - helps others to work out if there's a pattern of behavior...

vandrew4 · 26/09/2018 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Battytwatty · 26/09/2018 07:43

vandrew WOW! I assume that was a (sick) joke

shockthemonkey · 26/09/2018 07:45

Get a bit of perspective, vandrew

strawberrisc · 26/09/2018 07:47

Your dogs aren’t barking all day so a bit off topic but I live in the middle of a triangle of dogs who I assure you do! I’m often exhausted in work as a result.

strawberrisc · 26/09/2018 07:48

They’re literally barking right now and I’m due in work in a bit but I feel nothing like @vandrew4!

PowerPantsRule · 26/09/2018 07:49

Hmmm, I am on your side until I read that your daughter has tantrums louder than the dog and the dog only barks for a few minutes at a time. You do sound quite noisy OP! Sorry! Doesn't forgive his harassment though...

category12 · 26/09/2018 07:52

I'd move.

vandrew4 · 26/09/2018 08:04

i do have perspective. they are animals that are making my life a misery with constant noise. if they were dead I would be a lot happier.

TeachesOfPeaches · 26/09/2018 08:06

It's obviously the other neighbour's three dogs that are outside all day but your neighbour seems to believe he can bully you and so does. Tell him to go and harass the other neighbour and that you will be reporting him for harassment if he ever speaks to you again.

ReanimatedSGB · 26/09/2018 08:08

@Frouby has a point - this old shitbag's problem is almost certainly misogyny. He thinks that a woman should be at home doing womanwork.
I agree with PP, inform the police and let them go round and tell him to back off or face charges.

KlutzyDraconequus · 26/09/2018 08:13

I love dogs.. I've had many dogs..

Unfortunately I can see where Vandrew is coming from. I lived next to people who had three dogs, all terrier toe dogs. As soon as they left for work at 7.30am the digs would start barking. They'd bark at postman, cars, people passing windows, budlrds in their garden. A few minutes each time but it would happen 10 times an hour. Every Monday - Saturday.
I told the neighbours with notes through door hoping all was well. I spoke directly to them. They out cameras up and recorded it. Still it went on.
It got to the point where this annoyance had become a major distraction and I found myself sitting in the library for hours to avoid the nose. Or I'd go out for walks for 3 hours a day just for respite.
Eventually I had enough and called the council, they visited and listened to the noise, wrote neighbour a letter about noise. They also got the dog warden involved because the dogs were being left 11 hours a day most days. The barking stopped eventually but I couldn't stay there so paid to end tenancy early and move.

But the after effects on myself have been enormous.
Like I now fear hearing dogs as if it's going to hurt. If I hear dogs in the gardens nearby my brain picks up on them and it's all I can hear until they stop. If it goes on for any length of time I get agitated and irrationally angry.
It's made my life a misery really in a or of ways.

But... All that doesn't apply to OP..just wanted try and show how barking dogs can affect someone's life.

HPFA · 26/09/2018 08:20

For those who think @vandrew4 is being OTT my neighbours have a dog which most of the time is OK ( was awful when they moved in but they then arranged for it to go to a family member during the day) but sometimes they do leave it on its own for quite long periods -once they went out at 7 and returned in the early hours. The dog pretty much barks the whole time they are out when they do this. Believe me, at the end of that even the nicest person would have serious thoughts about what they would like to do to the dog.

I'm not sure people who haven't experienced continuous or frequent dog barking appreciate how difficult it is to have to listen to it.
Not suggesting the OP's dog is in this nuisance league but please don't dismiss the issue in general.

RB68 · 26/09/2018 08:23

Dogs bark, people make noise, kids have tantrums - that is life. Excessive barking and outside is a problem, however she and her DH work opp shifts he is rarely left on own and she has video evidence that IT IS NOT HER DOG. I would refer him to other neighbour and tell him any more harassment an you are involving the police and if nec after reporting him a few times get yourself an order to stop him harassing you. Also if he is ranting and swearing in front of the children that is also unacceptable behaviour and the Police can become involved.

Easynow · 26/09/2018 08:30

Sorry I havnt read all replies, but have you spoken to NDN with the 3 dogs? Let them know he is complaing about dogs barking. See what they say.

Ignore him & record everything.

StrangeLookingParasite · 26/09/2018 08:50

that I ‘venture out too much’

Who does he think he is? This has nothing to do with him, the misogynist shithead.

springydaff · 26/09/2018 08:56

the old twat

this is ageist. Please don't do it. If you are in doubt then change 'old' for 'black' and see how that sounds.

OP this is harassment and you absolutely should get the police involved. It sounds like your neighbour has mental health issues - that's not to excuse him though! You are being harassed in your own home and this has to STOP.

flumpybear · 26/09/2018 09:04

He's harassing you! Tantrums and dog barking (brief ... bit all day of course!) is just family and normal house noise

Noise for concern is continuous barking all day. Loud persistent music, constant banging and shouting - not daily occurrences of life

Contact the police bin emergency for some advice on harassment - contacting your LL about every minor issue or shouting st you and threatening action in the street is nothing less than harassment

Original poster

Binkyboo16 · 26/09/2018 09:12

veterinari thank you so much I shall have a read and see what I can do

vandrew I appreciate that you are having your own problems but I have proof it is actually only a small amount of times e.g when other NDN dogs are all by our side of the fence or when someone knocks the door. My dog is getting a little old now and within 1-2 mins has been seen to curl back down on his bed.

flop I would say mid to late 70’s, I wondered the same as I’ve worked with dementia patients since I was 18 and explains how he says one thing to DP and another to me.

powerpantsrule if you have any advice on how to keep my 2yo from screaming when she can’t have her own way I would be all ears, the terrible twos are draining me already.

klutzy and HPFA you both honestly have my sympathies, I appreciate how hard it is and must also be awful for those dogs as they are being left constantly. I promise it really isn’t the case here and if it was possible I would take the dog with me everywhere I go, he truly is one of the family.
Again thank you all for your replies and as I’ve said any advice will be taken on board, he has been quiet for a few days but that may be as the kids have been ill so I haven’t been out!

OP posts:

KlutzyDraconequus · 26/09/2018 09:25

My advice for dealing with neighbour is telling him to go fuck himself and do what you want.
If he confronts you again, turn your back and walk away.
If he continues, call 101 and have a chat.
I'd also be questioning your estate agent as to why this didn't come up at viewing etc.

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 26/09/2018 12:13

His actions are harassment. You can prove from the camera footage that his actions are unreasonable as you have proof the dog doesn't bark as accused. I'd be going to the police and telling them everything, especially the bit about him verbally abusing you in the street with your DC present. All the threats against the dog too. Get a restraining order. If you get one strict enough he may even have to move.

Unicornandbows · 26/09/2018 12:17

I think you need to call the non emergency police line and speak to your nearest station. This is now become both verbal abuse and harassment.

Don't let it escalate further

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