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Original poster

To ask for help? Where in SE london can we hire Dove release?

69 replies

mumof2andsurviving · 22/09/2018 22:33

My MIL died recently. We are all devastated. In talking to one of her dearest friends, she told her "if anything happens to me can you let the family know that I want doves released at my funeral". We have no idea where to start.

Does anyone know of anywhere that releases doves on occasions like this? The need to be able to travel to SE london/Kent borders.

OP posts:
Bezalelle · 23/09/2018 06:54

Please reconsider, OP. Harming birds isn't a good way to commemorate someone dear to you.

Potplant2 · 23/09/2018 06:57

Please don’t, OP. Those poor creatures. I’m sure your MIL wouldn’t have wanted it to happen if she’d understood how cruel it is.

As others have said, why not work a dove theme elsewhere into the proceedings?

excalatingtradewar · 23/09/2018 07:04

Sorry about your MIL OP, I do understand that you want to carry out her wishes but please don't consider carrying out something so cruel. Maybe your MIL didn't realise that it is cruel? Bit like people watching dolphin shows?

Please don't even investigate any further it is just horrible, poor birds.

RollingDoughnut · 23/09/2018 07:12

I'm sorry for your loss

I have to echo everyone else here, please reconsider this. I've read articles about mourners having to prise the poor things from the cages and throw them up into the air because they are so scared they don't want to leave. Many of them will die violent deaths

There is no love or dignity in this, it is a fucking horrible way to commemorate a loved one.

Racoon100 · 23/09/2018 07:51

Sorry for your loss.

But please don’t do this. As other PPs say it’s cruel. Same for balloon or lantern releases, they are very damaging to the environment and can harm animals. There are many other ways to pay tribute without cruelty or damage to the environment.

RebeccaCloud9 · 23/09/2018 07:55

Do you think she was serious? It obviously completely depends on the tone and I know I can't comment on that, but it does sound like something one might say as a joke- kind of an over the top thing to request for real? Like saying you want a procession through the town or something, you wouldn't say it seriously.

ADastardlyThing · 23/09/2018 07:57

Joining those saying please reconsider it's an awful thing to do and I'm sure if she knew the reality behind it she'd change her mind, so make the decision for her now she can't.

PaintedHorizons · 23/09/2018 08:03

Also agree - it is horrible. Many people know this now and it would sour the occasion.

Horrible way to remember someone. And I'm sure no-one would want their last act from beyond the grave to be one of cruelty, (if only they had known)

tinstar · 23/09/2018 08:05

Joining those saying please reconsider it's an awful thing to do and I'm sure if she knew the reality behind it she'd change her mind, so make the decision for her now she can't.

^^ This

ADastardlyThing · 23/09/2018 08:19

If you are going to do it at least make sure everyone invited to the funeral knows so they can decide whether or not to go. I wouldnt after being told at a wedding by a peddler of these birds that the reason a couple of them weren't moving from the top of a building was because they knew as soon as they did a hawk hanging around would get them. He quite casually said "they are waiting for the other one to go first as a distraction so the other one can get away"

Nice.

noeffingidea · 23/09/2018 08:22

Oh that's horrible, ADastardlything.
OP, please say you have reconsidered.

Lipsticktraces · 23/09/2018 08:25

Sorry for your loss op.

However I echo everyone else on here, please reconsider. Potentially killing innocent animals is no way to honour anyone’s life.

UrsulaPandress · 23/09/2018 08:26

My goddaughter had a dove release at her wedding in Switzerland many years ago.

My face must have been a bloody picture.

What a weird thing to request. Presume she was not aware of the cruelty.

But I imagine you are going to do it anyway.

ADastardlyThing · 23/09/2018 08:31

Noeffing it was horrific, everytime one of them moved everyone was gasping because of the hawk and little kids were getting really upset as everyone else started to realise what was going to happen. Quite a few of us went inside as we didn't want to witness anything and the bride and groom were really upset. Ruined the day in a way tbh.

Awful way to commerate something, totally the opposite of what it's supposed to symbolise.

speakout · 23/09/2018 08:56

OP I am sure when your MIL had that idea she was unaware of the cruelty involved.

Of the surface it seems a nice thing to do- release some birds, they will fly two miles to their cosy dovecot the other side of the common and all will be well.

The reality is far more gruesome.

If your MIL was is full possession of the facts and truth about dove releases would she still have wanted that?

If she thought you were going ahead now that you both know the facts would she still want that?

Or would she want you to be strong and make the kinder decision for both of you?

Original poster
mumof2andsurviving · 23/09/2018 11:52

Now I don't know what to do. It isn't UP to me. It's a decision to be made by her children. My mother in law was a very determined women, and she didn't like being told what to do. And my husband is just the same.

OP posts:
speakout · 23/09/2018 11:53

OP it is up to you.

You can choose to play no part in it.

You have a choice.

Original poster
mumof2andsurviving · 23/09/2018 11:55

But I couldn't and wouldn't refuse to go to the funeral. If her children decide to go ahead. I have to be there.

OP posts:
MadameButterface · 23/09/2018 11:56

sorry for your loss but please don't

maybe put your foot down about this as a way of filling the 'determined matriarch who knows what's best' role she has left vacant and pay tribute to her that way

MadameButterface · 23/09/2018 11:57

well just give them the links and let them crack on with being cruel bastards then

Nacreous · 23/09/2018 12:00

I have in no way read enough about this to understand where it sits cruelty wise.

But can I just ask a clarifying question - it’s clear from a small amount of research that releasing pure bred doves would be cruel because they are too docile. But it looks like most “dove” releases are white homing pigeons. Are people also saying that this is cruel? And if so, do you believe that training homing pigeons is cruel full stop, or just the white ones because they are smaller? Or something else? If you do believe it is cruel, can I ask why - are there significant risks to the birds health?

Costacoffeeplease · 23/09/2018 12:01

You don’t have to be there for the cruel part - and tbh, if my husband were to organise or take any part in this barbarity, I’d be changing my opinion of him very quickly

PickAChew · 23/09/2018 12:02

Just send them some links and ask them to please not expect you to contribute or witness this.

Sparrowlegs248 · 23/09/2018 12:02

I gave to say I had no idea that this sort of thing was cruel. Tbh I'd not really thought about it, and yes assumed they were trained to fly off and come back but were otherwise well looked after.

Oysterbabe · 23/09/2018 12:05

I think the doves can get quite stressed and die. There are loads of videos on YouTube where people have ended up chucking dead doves in the air at these things.
I'm not as against them as many of the posters here, but lobbing a dead dove in the air doesn't seem like the nice symbolic gesture she was probably thinking of.

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