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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands dreadful posture

36 replies

Sandinmypants · 22/09/2018 16:55

I realise this makes me sound awful and a bit ridiculous. My husband is tall, around
6’3”. He seems to be increasingly developing an awful posture. He is quite hunched over around his shoulders and his neck, rather than coming straight up out of his shoulders, protrudes forwards at a 45 degree angle.

I am worried about him. I think he is storing awful pain and back problems up for himself. When we first met, I was so attracted to his height and big frame (I’m tall myself and am drawn to tall, big guys).

I have tried talking to him gently about it. He went to see a physio who gave him some strengthening exercises which I’ve never seen him do. I have shown him YouTube videos with things that might help. This afternoon I got in a bit of a grump with him when I saw him yet again standing there all hunched over.

Any suggestions of ways to improve this and help him would be great. He knows it is an issue but has said he doesn’t know what to do to improve it. AIBU to be so worried about it?

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 22/09/2018 17:06

If he doesn't want to do the exercises I am afraid you can't make him. Sometimes tall people can damage the posture when young and with weights so it then becomes a problem that cant be sorted. It would need a professional to say. You cant nag people it just doesn't work and sets up resentment

Original poster
Sandinmypants · 22/09/2018 17:38

Thanks confused yes I think you are right. I am aware that it could descend into nagging and I’d hate that. I need him to be motivated to help himself with it and that’s what I’m not sure about, how can I motivate him? It’s interesting you say about damage done as a youngster. He grew up in a very old house with low ceilings and I’m convinced it has had an impact.

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 22/09/2018 17:43

Has he seen a doctor to rule out any spinal problems he may be developing.

cushioncovers · 22/09/2018 17:52

How old is he? People's posture change as they age. Surely he's not purposely stooping ? That would be uncomfortable.

Original poster
Sandinmypants · 22/09/2018 18:05

holymcmoly he hasn’t seen a doctor no. But I do wonder sometimes whether he has an underlying issue. His cousin was diagnosed with curvature of the spine fairly recently and I wonder if he has something similar. However, it seems to have got worse to me, though it could be that I’m just noticing it more maybe.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sandinmypants · 22/09/2018 18:07

cushion he is 39, so whilst not exactly a spring chicken, not old enough for the typical posture you may associate with an older person (his dad for example, who has a similarly poor posture and is now experiencing real issues with his back/neck). I don’t think he does it on purpose but I also don’t think he is trying very hard to have a good posture, given that he knows his posture is quite bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sandinmypants · 22/09/2018 18:08

holey sorry to get your username wrong Blush

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 22/09/2018 18:13

You're the second person thus week, maybe I should change itGrin

GrannyHaddock · 22/09/2018 18:35

Your concern for your husband is completely understandable. Have you considered Alexander Technique? It's not physio or a treatment, but lessons in how to best use the body.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 22/09/2018 18:37

what about going to a pilates class together, it's improved my posture dramatically and DH too.

Original poster
Sandinmypants · 22/09/2018 18:44

grannyhaddock Thankyou for your suggestion. I have heard of the Alexander technique before but I think it was in relation to horses! I didn’t realise it could be done on humans.. I will look into it, thanks.

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Original poster
Sandinmypants · 22/09/2018 18:45

stepaway thank you, that’s v interesting. I had wondered about Pilates. We wouldn’t be able to go together as we have kids in bed in the evening, but I may ask him if he would go to a class. Or perhaps we could do some at home.. though a proper instructor would be better I think. Thank you!

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chuckiecheese · 22/09/2018 18:58

No answers here but support my husband is the same Sad

wigglybeezer · 22/09/2018 19:51

Is he stuck at a desk? DH has a laptop stand and all his monitors raised on blocks as he was getting neck problems and RSI, it's made a big difference.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 22/09/2018 19:55

Posture is a really hard thing to change as it's mainly habit. Mine is awful. An osteopath helped me by taping my back. Just got me to stand straight and put some kind of medical tape in a line between my shoulders. When you stand or sit straight you don't notice it but when you hunch it pulls your skin - not so it's painful but enough to remind you not to

I couldn't use it as it was stopping me breastfeed (long story) but going try again as it seemed like it would help.

Also yoga is good for posture

Original poster
Sandinmypants · 22/09/2018 19:57

wiggly yes he is at a desk and I don’t think there has been any kind of evaluation of his working environment by the company he works for. I am going to suggest this as I can totally imagine that sitting hunched over a laptop would not help things. I’m fact, when he works from home and I see the way he is sitting over his computer it is quite Shock to see the effect on his posture. Thanks I will suggest this.

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Original poster
Sandinmypants · 22/09/2018 20:00

amiright the tape thing is interesting as I feel a reminder is what he needs. When he is with me he is a bit better because he knows I am conscious of his posture but I have a feeling that the entire rest of the time he doesn’t bother.. so the tape could be like an extension of me reminding him Grin

I know it seems a bit OTT but I am genuinely worried that he is basically putting the ground work in now for some horrible back and neck issues in future.

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MellyPapa · 22/09/2018 20:04

I've no first hand experience of this but I've seen it advertised, might be something worth trying?

It attaches between the shoulders and vibrates when your posture slumps.

Lumo Lift

Giraffesandllamas · 22/09/2018 20:06

Pilates really helped me with posture and the backpain associated with it. There are no weights involved. you can do it as little or as much as you want in the classes.

Dodie66 · 22/09/2018 20:07

My MIL was hunched over like that and they found she had osteoporosis.
I think if it were me I would try and get him to see a doctor.

Annandale · 22/09/2018 20:09

Agree with Alexander Technique plus assessment at work - a standing desk?. My very tall dh didn't get real back problems until he was in his early 40s and trying to recapture his youth via cycling but after that he was never really free of them and it was incredibly limiting Sad

lynmilne65 · 22/09/2018 20:15

My ex the same, anklosying spondylitis

gendercritter · 22/09/2018 20:18

My dad is the same although he's older. Can you take a photo of him on your phone when he doesn't know - purely to show him how bad it's getting. Obviously delete it after. Some people don't realise how bad their posture really is. (I know I could work on mine)

Easynow · 22/09/2018 20:21

Take a photo of him from the side & show him. Then get him to stand up straight & take another one.

If he stands with his back against a door or wall, do his shoulders naturally touch the door/wall? They should.

educatingarti · 22/09/2018 20:25

Is he generally more stuff or wooden in his movements too? If so it could be indicative of some more serious medical conditions and he really should go and see a GP just in case.

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