Once or twice a year I have to be away with work for a week. It’s very intensive, early mornings, late nights, demanding work and on duty the whole time. It can be rewarding but it leaves me with very little in the way of emotional or physical energy when I get home. After a night’s sleep I’m usually fine but I need that sleep.
Every time, within about 30 minutes of getting home, my husband brings up some character flaw or aspect of how I do things that could be improved. I have asked him to hold off on initiating these discussions for say 24 hours until I have caught up on sleep and have the mental energy to process his suggestions but he still does it every single time.
He can’t see what my problem is. He acknowledges that I’m upset but just says he doesn’t do it deliberately. He thinks I’m unreasonable for asking him to remember, just this once or twice a year, that I’d prefer not to have heavy discussions about how I could improve myself when I’m almost sleepwalking with exhaustion.
I do try to take criticism constructively at other times (not saying I succeed but I try). It’s just on these particular instances that a 24 hour delay would make all the difference.
He says ‘there’s never a good time’ for these conversations. My point is there are stupendously bad times and, once that has been pointed out, it might be a nice touch to be aware and try not to do it.
Is it so unreasonable to say, I know you don’t deliberately try to upset me but I think you could try harder to be on your guard about starting this specific type of conversation on the specific one or two times a year that we both know I am unable to cope with them?