To not tell ex about the babysitter who's coming into our house?

[childcarewanted]

So me and my ex still live together, I’m moving out after Christmas. I’ve just become friends with a new group of women, they do a lot of things together and next month they’re going to the cinema. Couple weeks ago, I went out with them for a meal out, ex agreed to take of the children while I went out, but he cancelled on me last minute to go out with his mates. So I had to take my children to the restaurant, they didn’t mind but I want time away from my children sometimes to enjoy adult company. I don’t want to drag my children to every event I go to.

Anyway, cinema trip is coming up and I can’t even be bothered asking ex if he could have the children while I go out, im thinking of getting a babysitter from childcare.co.uk? I know exactly what ex is gonna say “ i don’t want a stranger off the Internet in my house looking after my children etc”.

If ex is home on that day, fine he can look after that children but I want to have a babysitter in place just in case. AIBU not to tell him about the babysitter?

To be honest I’m also a bit nervous about the whole process, how does it work? You find a babysitter online, interview and that’s it? 🙈

I’d do it, ensure you’ve done all the checks and are happy with the sitter.

Then if he pisses off out then you aren’t stuck.

If he objects tough shit, he can’t be arsed to care for his own kids and expects you to have no life outside of your children, yet he gets to go out whenever he wants because he expects you to pick up the slack. That’s not how it works.

If he refuses to parent his own children he gets no say in the childcare arrangements you make.

If he doesn't want a stranger to look after them then he has to do it!

Personally, I would use a babysitter if you cannot find anyone else. Are there no other friends/family around who would help? I must admit I prefer to leave my kids with family for nights out etc. But my childminder does nights and weekends as well so would use her if stuck.

Are you prepared to pay the babysitter for their time if you cancel on the day?

He's an ex, he doesn't control your life and what you do - whilst yes I can see the side of respecting his opinion, he needs to either give you an alternative, sure choice (him looking after them or arrange for someone he knows) or else leave it to you to decide and arrange care. And if you decide to use childcare.co.uk then that's your prerogative

At face value he'd probably have a point.
If he said 'I don't want a stranger on the Internet looking after my child. Placing my hand on the Holy Book it's not something I'd feel comfortable with either. That's just me. I'm in way telling you not to.

However If he stepped up and looked after his children. You wouldn't need to hire strangers off the Internet or is that the game he can go out and you can't.
He cancelled having his kids for a night out with his mates. I'm sorry but as a father he sounds as useful as chocolate tea pot in 1,000 degree heat.

I've had sitters from there before - DBS checked, good reviews I was really happy. I would definitely do it. Otherwise he'll agree to have the kids then leave you in the lurch last minute. This was you're guaranteed your evening out in peace.

he can’t be arsed to care for his own kids and expects you to have no life outside of your children, yet he gets to go out whenever he wants because he expects you to pick up the slack. That’s not how it works.

This is exactly how things have been for years. He comes and goes as he feels like it, doesn't stress about childcare. Just last weekend, he literally came home Friday afternoon from work, packed a small bag and went to Brighton for the weekend with his mates, he came home Sunday night. And I'm just like.. I couldn't do that! It's just not fair, I have to stress about childcare and he just comes and goes.

I don't have any friends or family nearby who could babysit, although I met another mum couple months ago, she lives 5 mins from me and he son just started the same nursery as mine. I don't think she would mind if I asked her to babysit, but don't know if this is a case of " you don't know her well" which is exactly what ex would say if I told him. He knows about her.