Single Mum and new relationship

[TatlN]

So I have had a rubbish year with the break up from my abusive ex and father of my children. I have recently met a man online and we have been seeing each other every other day for the past few weeks and he has taken me to the cinema and has cooked dinner for me a few times. He is originally from Hungary and while this is different to what I’m used to it’s starting to feel quite normal. He is a kind, generous and sweet guy who makes me feel special and happy. He is the complete opposite of my ex. I have started to develop feelings for him and the anxiety has crept in. He has a lot going for him he owns his own property outright in Hungary, has a good job and a comfortable amount of money. I on the other hand don’t have anything to offer. I am a single mum of 2 small children on benefits and living with my parents. Although he has said he accepts that we come as a package and that he is fine about the kids. However I worry as things get more serious and he becomes more involved in our lives he will change his mind. I’m scared of it all going wrong as I have developed strong feelings for him

Why have you posted this again after bumping the same thread from yesterday literally a few minutes ago?

Because I have re worded it as the last message confused people that he lived in Hungary. I don’t know why your being so hostile though as I thought this site was for kind advice

I get why you reposted.

Take things slowly. Trust your instincts but don’t let the anxiety put you off.

It’s early days, have fun and see what develops!

OP you might want to ask MNHQ to move this thread to the relationships board.
AIBU is not always kind and supportive.

Fwiw I think you are going into things with caution which is good because you have a child to consider in all this.

If you aren't sure then just carry on dating and getting to know him. Don't have him around your child to much so they don't get too attached.
You have plenty of time.

The site isn't for kind advice. It's for advice.

I am confused about what advice you want. You have met someone and started a relationship. You are nervous it won't work out long term.

No one can really give you advice. Because we don't what will happen. Or if it will be forever or you will get hurt. Or if he is genuine about accepting you as a package.

What can we do to help?

Just keep it as a dating relationship for the time being, don't introduce him to your DD or if she is around he's just a friend. I am some years into a relationship as a single mum and its serious but very separate from my family life.

You won't get anything but hate on MN for being a single mum AND starting a relationship. It is only acceptable to most MNers that single mothers must remain celibate that's if they really have to be single.
That you are considering all angles is important. Stay wary, take small steps and good luck!

He hasnt met your kids yet, has he? Obviously he has to know you have kids, but after just a few weeks of dating, they should just be a random topic of conversation.

Enjoy your dating with this man. Have fun, feel good, but keep your eyes open and don't get swept away. This might turn out to be The One, or it might all fizzle out in a few months. Either way, just enjoy each day as it comes. But dont bring your kids into it until you are really sure of the relationship.

Subtlecheese that's absolute bollocks. I am a single mum and considered 2alking say from Dp when things were casual. If it hadn't have been for mn, I would have. Because I was scared.

They gave me a wake up call and encouraged me to go it. I wouldn't be with him if it wasn't for them.

I have never seen universal hate for lone parents who date. I have seen couple of posters post it. But the overwhelming majority don't.

Honestly? I think you’ve jumped into a relationship far too quickly. You’ve come out of an abusive relationship. You need time to discover who YOU are and ensure your kids are stable. I wouldn’t be looking to date at all until you feel comfortable in your own skin. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but I genuinely think calling it a day with this man would be for the best. Good luck

You've said you met him recently, sounds like it's moving too fast. Just relax and date, stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

One thing you said that is worrying is that he's already involved in your lives, does that mean you've introduced him to your children already?

This sounds way too soon after an unpleasant breakup, Tat -- plus you sound anxious about how fast things are going, and how you are developing feelings for him very quickly. Someone who was ready to start seeing someone would have better boundaries, and would be more assertive about the pace at which things were developing. It sounds to me as though you should take more time to regroup and recover before you start seeing people again.

And to grow your self-esteem -- I wonder whether your sense of being a single mother on benefits who has 'nothing to offer' is what is allowing this situation to gallop ahead, when it is palpably making you anxious?

PS -- sorry, I was unclear. I don't mean in that least that being a single parent on benefits means you have 'nothing to offer' in a relationship, but it sounds as if you do think that, which isn't a healthy way to approach a new relationship as an equal.