Adult daughter gaming every hour she is off work?

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Adult daughter is 21 and just recently moved back in after finishing her degree. She has a job.

However every hour she isn't working, it's spent gaming. I mean every hour.

AIBU to be slightly bothered by this?

I’ve just paused Horizon Zero Dawn to tell you that yes, YABU.

YANBU

No you ANBU. It's officially classed as an addiction / mental health issue by WHO. Think you can get help via the NHS - and there are third-sector organisations who offer support. Maybe have a chat to one of them about the best way to open up a conversation with your daughter about this? Must be very worrying for you.

YABU. Just dropping in betweenn games.

Yanbu it's a worry. The fact that she's working doesnt negate the fact that she's clearly getting addicted. Not sure what you can do if she's 21 though

yanbu. had to put my foot down with dh while I was pregnant with dc1 and said I actually wanted him to spend time with the baby when he wasn't in work. took a while but now he's a lot better, sort of

What games does she play?

As a gamer myself, it does actually matter.

If she's playing single-player stuff then yes, I'd be a bit worried. There's only so much time you can spend rehashing the same content over and over again, although each individual game can easily take 40+ hours to complete.

However if she's playing a multiplayer game then it's entirely possible she's spent a lot of time and effort, possibly over years, building up a group of friends who she talks to every day, who form part of her social web. The fact that this part of her social circle is online doesn't make them any less important to her. In such cases the game itself isn't really to blame any more than your telephone is if you spend every hour of the day talking on it. It's just a vehicle for communication that also happens to occupy your hands and eyes while you're chatting to your friends.

That being said, it's unusual for a 21yr old to have no offline friends of any kind whatsoever. Does she have no friends from Uni nearby? Does she not go out for drinks with anyone from work? If she's been forcibly separated from her real life friends due to graduation and having to move house then it's entirely possible that this is the only social connection she has after being uprooted. Even if it's single player stuff and she's not talking to anyone else, it might just be displacement or placeholder activity until she gets used to being back home again.

If she lives with you it's only fair that she helps out around the house, so set her a list of chores to do each day - reasonable ones of course. A load of washing done and pegged up, a meal prepared and maybe half a hour of cleaning or gardening. Gardening or walking the dog would be good as they'd get her out of doors. Can you turn wifi off when you go to bed? The rest of the time just leave her to it, or join in! Gaming is fun!

People get paid to game these days. Maybe it's her side hustle.

I'd be gaming right now if I didn't have a baby in my arms.

Im gaming now

Thats what time off is for

YABU. My daughter was like that too. Sims,Sims, Sims every waking second for a good year or so. It's her down time, if her work performance isn't suffering, it's not really an issue. No different than being addicted to a cellphone.. or MN

It's your home, if this is unacceptable to you then set a limit of hours, if she doesn't like it, then she can move back out...

If she is playing every hour she isn't working then your electricity costs are going to skyrocket...do you really want to have to pay bills for high electricity costs for this?...and if you have WiFi she will.be burning g her way through your price plan, even if it's unlimited WiFi, if you read the fine print unlimited WiFi usually has a fair usage policy..

Easy answer is change the WiFi password and don't give it to her...or charge her for every hour, she will soon reduce her gaming if she has to pay for it

I would be concerned too but I'm not sure what you can do.

Have you tried talking to her about it? Does she join you at mealtimes? Help around the hpuse at all?

As for electricity costs, a quick Google suggests about 30p a day for hours of gaming, similar to a 10-minute shower

A whole 30p??

Skyrocketing indeed

YABU - she is an adult, with a job ... many would kill for this (I have cousins without jobs doing nothing and it's a drain!)

She safe in the house, no drugs, sex or parties where she could get hurt.

She will have friends and is socialising and just because it isn't what you would traditionally see as a hobby doesn't make it any less enjoyable.

Get off her back and let her live her own life!

YABU let her game

I was a bit like this after uni. Be honest, does she have anything better to do? Anything interesting going on near her? Local friends? If not then why shouldn't she enjoy her downtime.

Oh god, butt out. She’s a grown up and shock horror - grown ups like games!

They’re not just for children and in fact there’s a billion pound industry that’s sprung up around adult games.

Christ, I get so sick of being judged for playing games, as if it’s any less worthy than spending time staring at the idiot box while mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, sharing inane shite.

I don't think it's any of your business now she's an adult

I’m a teacher and at 22/23/24 would game for 6 weeks straight in the holidays! My boyfriend would get up and go to work and I’d still be playing when he got home. Who made the law on what people had to do with their own free time? I spent hours and hours gaming for a good 6 years.

I managed to hold down a successful teaching career and even get married and have children!

Now I’m old I don’t really game at all. I just don’t have the time. I’d like to though every now and then.

Tell us exactly why you are worried, OP.

Is it that there are other things you think she 'should' be doing with her time, eg seeing friends? If so, YABU - it's her choice and as others have said she is probably interacting socially online.

Is it because she isn't contributing to the household, eg expecting you to do all get cooking and washing? If so YANBU to lay down some ground rules.

Is it that you're worried that it's an addiction and is affecting her mental health? Do you think she's getting enough sleep / eating properly etc? YANBU to gently intervene if that's the case.

It's an addiction. If it is every hour then she must be neglecting her friends, home and self care. Time to get her back to the real world.

Sorry OP, I think YABU

She's 21, an adult - with a degree and a job. She's not slobbing about.

If you'd come to us and said that she hasn't got a job and spends all her time sleeping and gaming, then yes that would be a concern. But if she works and in her free time enjoys gaming then i'd leave her to it. I'd rather that than her going out on the drink every night doing god knows what. I guess it's no different to some people spending ages on their computer/watching tv each night which i'm sure we're all guilty of. At least with gaming she is using her brain and may potentially be socialising online too.

Is she helping out around the house? If not, I'd ask her to chip in.

At that age I was with my partner and we were off doing dates etc in our free time. But had I been single and not in education but had a job, I suppose i'd find something similar to fill my time with too.

I'd cut her some slack. Why don't you have some Mum-Daughter dates so you can enjoy her company outside of the house away from gaming?