To ask how do you give a child confidence?

[MrsKiplin]

My dd aged six is naturally shy. We have always tried to give her opportunities to try new things, praised her and had her mix with people as much as possible and although she believes in her abilities, her social confidence is still an issue. She has a friend who she follows round like a shadow until the "friend" gets bored of her and tells her to go away. We've done lots of play dates but the positive effects tend to be short lived. She does martial arts which has boosted her an awful lot but it is a worry to me how totally unsure of herself she is in the playground. I don't want her to struggle. Can you give a child confidence or do you just have to leave them to it? So many of the other girls in her year are very self confident, I don't know what their parents have done differently!

Does it upset her, or are you just upset on her behalf? Is she just one of those people who's happy with their own company?

It does upset her a bit when her friend is unkind.

One thing I've always encouraged my dc to do, is talk to people they don't know.... go and pay in the shop..... ask an attendant a question at the zoo or farm....... ask the security guard where the toilets are in a shopping centre, etc.,etc
If they needed to check something at swimming lessons, to go and ask the teacher themselves, rather than doing it all for them.

Thank you I'll try that x

I think a lot of it is nature and it’s too easy to over think things to the point of stage fright. I can well imagine finding a playground daunting.

Does she do much imaginative play? I wonder if it’s worth roleplaying some scenarios to ingrain a few conversation starters and teach her about recognising other people’s limitations as well as what to do. Then if she’s overwhelmed she has something to fall back on.

I’m not at school stage yet but is it worth a chat with her teacher to see if they could help her intergrate socially with a wider group?