Single mum of 2 entering into a new relationship

[TatlN]

So I have had a rubbish year with the break up from my abusive ex and father of my children. I have recently met a man online who is Hungarian and while this is different to what I’m used to it’s starting to feel quite normal. He is a kind, generous and sweet guy who make me feel special and happy. He is the complete opposite of my ex. I guess as I have started to develop feelings for him the anxiety had crept in. He has a lot going for him he owns his own property outright in Hungary, has a good job and a comfortable amount of money. I on the other hand don’t have anything to offer. I am a single mum of 2 small children on benefits and living with my parents. Although he has said he accepts that we come as a package and that he is fine about the kids. However I worry as things get more serious and he becomes more involved in our lives he will change his mind. I’m scared of it all going wrong as I have developed strong feelings for him

Your previous relationship has knocked your self esteem and so you have got hooked on a long distance, and therefore safe, fantasy relationship with this man. Be very very careful. The freedom programme is very good preparation for making sure you don't drag your kids from one bad relationship to another. He could be an utterly lovely, total genuine man who will adore you and your kids forever and you will live happily ever after, but the odds are against it, sorry.

I'd err on the ride of caution. How do you know if he's, lovely and has his own house? You can say anything you like online! Also if you put on your profile you have kids, delete him now, as it may not be you he is interested in.
Give yourself time, to be single and find out who you are and what you want before entering another relationship. You'll be much better prepared when the right man goes come along.

he is more likely to be a groomer and a pervert than a property owner. You are vulnerable and need to be extra cautious

I should have added he lives in this country
It in Hungary and we have been seeing each other every other day for a few weeks

Op, please be really careful. In your first post you have already said the best thing he has a house and money (in the end just money and could come from anywhere) rather than saying why you like him. And you are already putting yourself down by saying you have nothing to offer. That makes you extremely vulnerable.

It might be on the level, but take it slowly, involve him in your friendship group and let your friends check him out too.

If he’s a chancer or controlling etc, one of them should spot it.

Maybe you should heal properly, and work on yourself to make yourself feel stronger and better. Get of benefits as soon as you can, move out of your parents house etc.

I feel the same as you, just got out of a bad relationship not long ago, and the thought of entering a new relationship makes me nervous!

There's so many things that I didn't do and achieve when I was with my ex, simply because I couldn't. I plan on achieving them all before even thinking about a new relationship, tbh I'm thinking of staying single for the next 10 years! OP, there's so much more to life than men. Enjoy your new independence, do the things you want to do, work on yourself and your mental/health and the right man will come.

How do you know any of the things he has told you are true? If you do continue take things very very slowly and do not introduce him to your children for a very long time. Occasionally OLD works out but it is full of abusers, liars, paedophiles and adulterers.
The freedom programme is a really good thing to do OP, will give you more confidence at spotting red flags.
Remember your ex was probably nice when you met him, abusers choose to conceal their real selves in the beginning and they are good at it. Just be really careful.

I think you are taking things far too quickly, you can’t have known this guy very long. Your kids should always come first

I have to agree with the others, although I’m not suggesting you split up entirely with him, you have got into this relationship very quickly. It’s very common but it rarely ends well.

I agree with previous posters - be careful. Your self esteem sounds very low, and that's not a good idea when starting a new relationship as it can make you put up with things that aren't acceptable due to feelings of gratitude and worthlessness ("I don't deserve any better").

Hold your head up high, OP! I'm sure you're a lovely person with a lot to offer - maybe not material things, but through your personality and affection.

Please take things really slowly to protect yourself (and your children).