To decline DD’s party invite due to other guests

[alphasox]

I feel really bad for the Birthday child but feel worse for my Dd - it’s a small party (dinner and bowling) for the birthday child and three friends. One of those friends is DD and the other two are the bullies who have been making her life hell for 2 years.

I declined being vague but birthday child told their mummy that she had to chose between DD and the others due to a falling out, and it wasn’t fair as they’re all her friends.

So now the mother is putting pressure on me to let DD go and promises she will “keep an eye”. Incidentally DD is also torn as she loves the birthday child.

AIB too over protective? They’re 7 nearly 8.

You are her only protector and advocate. Put her mental health and happiness before anything else. This mum is putting the needs of her child first. You do the same for yours.

Invite her over for a play and a meal on a different day. Does the mother know the extent of the bullying?

Can you and DD find a way to do something special for the child whose birthday it is – a way of celebrating another day or night without the dinner / bowling?

Have a birthday sleepover just the two of them, for example, so DD is protected but also gets the pleasure of celebrating with this friend she loves?

I don’t understand anyone who would send their child to a bully’s party

Be your DD's advocate. Explain it to the mum if you have to. I would explain only what is necessary and say you aren't making the birthday girl choose and if she likes you can organise something for another day with her

If your daughter really wants to go and the birthday girl wants her there, could you purhaps go too? Sit with the mum of the birthday girl and keep an eye on them yourself?