Who has priority?

[Holymosquito]

Person A and Person B are married. 2 DCs one at full time school one half time nursery. Both A and B are at home. A has recently lost their (well paid) job and is trying hard to find a new one. They are however struggling due to age, skills and this is causing them to be depressed.

Person B has been a SAHP for several years but has in the circumstances just gone got a new job. Its only part time but is a professional role. Person B is therefore somewhat stressed and wants to prepare. This job is not paid enough to maintain the family long term. Person B has taken part time as this should be managable once A returns to work.

A and B are arguing over shared childcare and access to shared home office facilities. A is used to their needs taking priority and for B to do the majority of childcare. They are also working hard trying to find a new well paying job.

Should childcare/ access be 50/50 or does one person have the right to more child free computer access?

Are the kids at nursery and school when B is working the part time job? Or is A looking after them for all that time?

At the moment A gets priority as A has a job that needs to be prepared for now. However B should be allowed adequate time (at the weekend if needs be) to prepare for interviews.

yes kids will be at nursery/ school when b is working so A will only have them before drop off and after pick up.

But between you, there is half a day every day child free, right? And then presumably the evenings when both children are in bed. How much child-free computer access do you need?

It sounds like you all have a lot of adapting to new circumstances to do and it must be shit, so I'm sorry. It will take A a while to adapt to the fact that he (I'm guessing it's he) isn't the breadwinner anymore and has to pull his weight more than he did. It will take B a while to start to manage the clash between work-load and home-load. I think everyone needs to cut everyone else some slack for now.

I think A and B need to sit down and have a proper talk about this rather than trying to find out on an internet forum who is "right".

Think you got them the wrong way round jelly.

If B works while the kid is at nursery, then A has the whole house to themselves and can do their job hunt then. When B is off work and the kids are at home, the time should be split 50/50 So B can use the computer in peace while A does house stuff and then they can switch. A gets plenty time alone in the house, plus time while the kids are there with B. B gets time at work plus time while the kids are there with A.

So B feels that A should be using child-free/ B's work-time to use the computer and then pick up the childcare/housework once B is home, to free up B some computer time?

And A feels that B should be doing part-time job, pick-ups, child-care, because childcare was status-quo and A needs the computer time to job hunt for very well paying full-time job?

Have I got that?

B has priority for the office when they are at home and A has priority for the office when B is at work. Childcare is A's responsibility when B is at work and shared when they are both at home. What this means is neither A nor B get everything they want. That's how life works.