To know inside I'll never get to be a mum

[momas]

Struggling with unexplained infertility, currently getting help from the NHS as so far they just can't find any reason why we aren't conceiving. It doesn't make any sense and I just feel it's the universe telling me to give up. I'm just never going to get to be a mum.

DH keeps saying I'm silly and of course it'll happen for us, but that's not always the case. What if no matter what we do we can't conceive? What do we do then? Has anyone ever just not been able to become a mum no matter how badly they wanted it? I feel like I'm drowning it's the only thing I've ever wanted it and I just know deep in my heart it's never going to happen.

I don't really know what I'm posting for but I've hit my lowest point and I'm just thinking there's no point putting ourselves through this anymore and should just accept fate. Every time I see a child I tear up. It almost feels like when you hear something like someone close to you dying, you can either accept it and move on or you can deny and hurt yourself. I just know deep inside me that I won't be a mum.

Did anyone else feel this way and be proved wrong? Can gut feelings be this accurate? I just need to know what to do

I really, really hope it happens for you & there's every chance it could - there's miracles everywhere you look. But, the sad truth is, that it might not so I don't want to tell you it will. Trying to get pregnant was the hardest thing I ever did, so we booked holidays in crazy places (& spent too much) which allowed me to focus on something, I obsessively planned the next trip to within an inch of its life & all the things I could do there that weren't suitable if pregnant. I also started running.

We also set an end point, we couldn't take anymore finanically or emotionally and we agreed to throw everything at that IVF cycle - endo scratch, acupuncture & embryo glue so we would always know we tried our best.

What Ariadne said. You are telling yourself it won't happen because it is easier than going through the endless cycle of hoping and being disappointed. It took me nearly 2 years to conceive my first. I got to the point that i would almost feel ashamed of myself for daring to hope, and would tell myself I was stupid.

It is a really difficult process to go through, trying over and over and keeping failing. I don't have any great advice on how to get through it, perhaps just treat it like a marathon, tell yourself you are going to keep trying until X date and try not to dwell on it or think about it too much. Easier said than done, but keep busy and when you spot yourself in a cycle of negative thinking try and force yourself to do something else.

My parents went at it like rabbits* for six years before giving up. They didn't go for fertility treatment/diagnoses because they didn't want know whose 'fault' it was. They just accepted that they couldn't have kids.

Then they had three over six years.

*Thank you for that description, mother

Like nosleepzz I had strong gut feelings at every single stage (every month, every doctors appointment, every blood test, every scan and every part of fertility treatment..) that I wouldn’t ever actually have my baby, she is now snoring beside me after 5 years ttc and successful IVF.. there were so many reasons IVF might not have worked but it did, and the first time. I am so so glad I didn’t succumb to my negative thoughts and give up trying after year 4 for example or at the prospect of IVF. It’s normal to want to and to convince yourself it’s not going to work, you’re mentally trying to protect yourself I think.
It’s incredibly tough but just keep going, that’s really all you can do, best of luck! x

I was you 4 yrs ago. Life on hold. Wondering what kind of hobbies I will do instead. The pain of it is awful . I call it the death of hope and you do grieve you grieve hard. Our nhs go didnt work but our private go did. the private clinic discovered i had next to no lutinising hormone which means I have periods but rarely if ever ovulate . We already discovered DH had antibodies so he had a sperm count but they didnt swim. The private clinic also scanned me on transfer cos the nhs had difficulty transferring blind ( no wonder as it would seem my womb is up under my armpit lol) . The private treatment was better tailored as a result of the standard nhs treatment.

There are other ways to be a mum. We adopted and gave a little girl a second chance at a family who whole heartedly wanted, needed and loved her.

I felt like that. Was 100% convinced that I would never do it and that the feeling was somehow 'blocking' it from happening. It felt like something that everyone else could do with ease but that was completely out of my reach. Took a lot of IVF but I got there in the end.