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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Chores at home

28 replies

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 13:33

I'm not crazy right? When you start a chore, you should finish it.

Like if you wash clothes you should make sure they are dry, fold them and put them away in the drawers/wardrobe.

Or if you wash dishes, you wash them, dry them and put them away.

I feel like I'm gonna have to start giving my partner a chore sheet and put gold stars on it for when he actually does a full chore and allocated games time accordingly for how many stars he gets. Obviously I won't, but dear God he is lazy.

He's meant to do dishes and clean the bathrooms. He hates cleaning the bathroom so said he'll wash clothes instead. Fair enough, until I pointed out that means folding them and putting them away too. Now I'm being ridiculous and he doesn't know how to do that. Sorry I didn't realise you had an iq of 20. Figured you could fold stuff in half and then half again, but guess they skipped that stage for you in primary school.

He doesn't put dishes away ever either. Currently, all of his shit is all over the floor of the living room too, rubbish, everything. And yet had a go at me for leaving one thing out. I obviously didn't respond in a nice way.

Don't even know how to get him to understand this anymore. He's so stupid.

OP posts:

QueenofmyPrinces · 21/09/2018 13:42

I count washing up and drying up (and putting away) as two separate jobs.

I also class putting a clothes wash on and then hanging them out to dry and two separate jobs too. Putting the clothes away is then another separate job: so three jobs in total.

You sound a bit scary and controlling. You sound like you don’t particularly like him very much either.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2018 13:42

Why are you with him? Surely you knew what a lazy man-child is when you first got together? Please don't tell us you thought he would miraculously change into a responsible adult. Life is too short to waste it on the likes of him.

Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 13:43

Why should I do everything? I clean the house, do the cooking and now clean the bathrooms. So I should also put away the clothes and dishes because he's too stupid to open a cupboard? He starts it, he should finish it. I don't just half clean the bathroom, or half cook the food.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 21/09/2018 13:44

I agree with pp. Washing dishes is a different job to drying and putting them away. I make the biggest pile possible with dishes and will come back later to dry and put away. Washing clothes is the same. Wash and hang is one job and then taking down and putting away is another one.

Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 13:47

Why am I with him? Good question really, but he did agree to this when we moved in. It's now that it cuts into his sitting on his ass and playing games time that he can't be bothered.

They can be classed as separate jobs, fine but why should I then have 5 jobs and he has 2? I go out to work Monday to Friday, he works from home. And he's never yet put away the dishes, not once. We've lived here since March.

OP posts:

pumpkinpie01 · 21/09/2018 13:49

You sound really angry with him ! Is this a constant feeling or just at the moment !?

Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 13:52

Just right now really. Mostly we are fine, but when it comes to keeping the house running he is beyond useless. It annoys me most because he is at home all day, he is never busy with work and just plays games all day. So I come home to rubbish all over the floor, not even in the fucking bin. Dishes aren't done, I make dinner and there's no plates. And then he wonders why I'm annoyed at him.

OP posts:

Morgan12 · 21/09/2018 13:52

Jeezo you can't say anything on here without people having a go at you.

He sounds lazy. I agree he is half finishing a job. So he washes the clothes and dishes and then OP has to follow after to put the dishes and clothes away? Whilst already doing most other chores. Aye she's being controlling eh.

QueenofmyPrinces · 21/09/2018 13:58

It annoys me most because he is at home all day, he is never busy with work and just plays games all day.

Perhaps you should have included this in your first post?

If this is the case then he should definitely be doing more! He should be doing the bathrooms too regardless of whether he likes doing it or not.....does he actually think anyone enjoys cleaning bathrooms??

Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 13:59

Exactly morgan. Why should I finish his jobs for him when I'm doing everything else and he sits all day?

He's gone in a huff now and is refusing to do dishes, because I said it's easy to fold clothes in half then half again. Apparently he's too stupid so I can do everything. I'm not doing them of course.

OP posts:

SleightOfMind · 21/09/2018 13:59

It’s not so much about how he does jobs, (although I agree with OP that it’s shit to just leave it for her to finish off on top of her own share) it’s whether the workload is fairly divided and you both get equal free time.

This set up sounds hugely unfair. Of course it would give you the rage.
I’ll bet he acts like you’re nagging about petty domestic minutia when you raise it too.

Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 14:01

I thought I had but too annoyed at his laziness right now to be honest so guess I forgot. I'm thinking of just going on strike. I'll do my dinner, my dishes and my washing. I imagine he will change his tune quickly once he starts getting bored with beans on toast. Pretty much all he can do.

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Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 14:02

Yep spot on. I nag too much, I'm too uptight, too stressy, too annoying.

OP posts:

pumpkinpie01 · 21/09/2018 14:06

If he is playing games all day I would be fuming. Some men have to have things spelt out to them and made crystal clear as they have no initiative when it comes to housework. I would write a list next time you go to work but be very specific dont just put 'do washing ' or 'hoover' . Put ' hoover upstairs' 'Put 2 washloads in machine' and ' Tumble dry the washloads' ' Put clothes away'. I know it sounds like you are dealing with a child but if it stops you falling out then so be it. After a week of you being specific if he still cant pull his weight I would not cook his meals or do his washing.

Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 14:09

Think I will do that pumpkinpie thank you. It's driving me mad. I have to organise trips out too he won't bother. He doesn't even collect all of the dishes before washing them, he'll start washing and be like 'can you bring me the plates through?'. He walked past them to get to the sink!

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2018 14:20

Omg, PLEASE end this relationship. You don't even like him! If you don't see what a disaster this is I don't know if any advice can help you.

pumpkinpie01 · 21/09/2018 14:21

Ah how infuriating ! Do you think he is too obsessed with x box/play station to be bothered with anything else ?

Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 14:29

I do like him aquamarine, I love him. He takes care of me when I'm ill, he is thoughtful, he cares and is kind, he makes me laugh, cheers me up, we have a lot of fun together. But he is so damn lazy when it comes to chores around the house and seeing that he stays at home I kind of expect him to do his fair share. I'm not expecting all of it, Id have food poisoning a lot if he cooked all the time.

But he is too addicted to the playstation. I don't mind if he plays, but to play all day or watch YouTube and not do your chores? That's rude and disrespectful. If he did the chores first he can play as much as he wants and I've told him that. But he won't do it.

OP posts:

BriocheBun · 21/09/2018 14:33

But he is too addicted to the playstation. I don't mind if he plays, but to play all day or watch YouTube and not do your chores?

Mine watches YouTube videos of other people playing the PlayStation. Each to their own but I find it a bit off putting. What 30 something year old does this?

CaptSkippy · 21/09/2018 14:42

How do people manage to grow up in this day and age and not even know how to do basic house hold tasks? Or how to be a considered house mate? I like an orderly house. I couldn't deal with someone making a mess and either leaving it or expecting me to clean it up. What a man-baby you have for a partner. Ditch him. You need a grown up in your life.

Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 14:42

I don't get it either briochebun but then he doesn't get my hobbies either. Each to their own i guess. Playing games is fun sometimes, but not watching someone play.

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PeonyBlushSuede · 21/09/2018 15:00

My husbands half a job gets me. I'll ask him to empty the kitchen bin so he'll take that out to the wheely bin outside ... and not put a new bin liner in the bin grrrr!

pumpkinpie01 · 21/09/2018 15:27

My ex husband did next to nothing round the house and I ended up resenting him so much it affected other aspects of the relationship, so please try and sort this out, especially as he is a caring fun person to be with. But he has got to want to change, and watching other people on you tube is ridiculous for a grown man, my 5 year old does that !

Wauden · 21/09/2018 18:07

I like the strategy of your only doing some of the tasks, making it look obvious ,so that it affects him; the penny might drop.

Original poster

Householdchores · 21/09/2018 19:42

He seems to have changed his tune already. Come back home and the dishes are done. I had told him that we will just split chores now since he won't help me. Floor is clean of his crap too.

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