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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dh is being inconsistent?

21 replies

MethvenModem · 21/09/2018 12:56

Dh and I are going to spend a week in Singapore in April, staying with friends who have moved there.

We’re not taking the kids - they’ll be staying with his parents.

Dh is insisting that he and I travel to Singapore on separate planes, to avoid the dc losing both parents should the plane crash.

AIBU to think he’s being a bit silly because he never insists we take separate cars if we’re driving somewhere just the two of us, even though you’re statistically far more likely to die in a car crash etc?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 21/09/2018 12:58

Yes he's being ridiculous

arethereanyleftatall · 21/09/2018 13:00

I've got to admit,I said the same to my dh when we went away this year. Yes, it is silly, and statistically very unlikely, but if it's easily doable, and would make him feel happy, then why ever not.
(In our situation, it wasn't doable, without one of us waiting for hours for the other in the airport, so we went on the same plane, and to my enormous surprise and delight, against all expectations, it didn't crash)!

SoyDora · 21/09/2018 13:00

Yes, inconsistent and ridiculous.

MsHomeSlice · 21/09/2018 13:01

is he Prince Charles!
What if BOTH planes crash, surely that's a double trauma??

I'd probably mock him mercilessly for a while by sending him on ahead to the kitchen, and making separate meals, take the car and leave him the bus fare

Is he normally so anxious?

Love51 · 21/09/2018 13:02

Inconsistency is normal. He is being inconsistent here though.
Has he considered that his policy is doubling the chances of the children losing a parent?

Haireverywhere · 21/09/2018 13:03

Is this a serious issue for him? Do you have a common tragedy clause in your wills?

Is he generally very anxious? Irrational fears are just that. Hence why driving is 'OK' in his mind.

Original poster

MethvenModem · 21/09/2018 13:04

I wouldn’t say he’s normally anxious, but he is a planner - he likes to plan things as far ahead as is physically possible and in as much detail as possible

OP posts:

FittonTower · 21/09/2018 13:05

Is he trying to get a day with his friend's before you arrive? Because otherwise that's a really odd thing to suggest

lostinjapan · 21/09/2018 13:09

Well yes, he's being irrational. But people with certain fears and anxieties often act irrationally around them. I think you should be understanding and point him towards some statistics on air travel safety to see if that helps.

Armadillostoes · 21/09/2018 13:10

Really irrational and unhelpful. It makes no sense given the relative risk of air travel versus car travel. It's much easier going on a long haul flight with a companion, so that you can do practical things like go to the toilet in the airport without faffing with a carry on case in a toilet cubicle. The proposal is silly and not worth the hassle.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 21/09/2018 13:11

Suggest he stay at home

SittingAround1 · 21/09/2018 13:13

Yes he's being irrational. But I can completely understand him feeling like this. We all have irrational fears.

SittingAround1 · 21/09/2018 13:14

he likes to plan things as far ahead as is physically possible and in as much detail as possible

It's the losing control and having the worst happen that's making him fearful.

User467 · 21/09/2018 13:15

Do you live in seperate houses incase there's a fire?

SleightOfMind · 21/09/2018 13:19

Love 51

19lottie82 · 21/09/2018 13:28

You’ve more chance of dying in a car crash than on a plane. Do you travel everywhere in separate cars? If not, tell him not to be so ridiculous.

easterholidays · 21/09/2018 13:32

Whilst everyone is right that it's inconsistent, the car crash comparison isn't quite right because if you are in a car crash the chances are high that you will survive it, whereas if you are in a plane crash you will almost certainly die, so if two people are in a car crash together they probably won't both be killed, but if two people are in a plane crash together they probably will. It's still an overreaction to a minuscule risk, but I guess we all have those. I agree with PP who said it's much more convenient for two people to travel together and would use that argument to persuade him, if you can.

SoyDora · 21/09/2018 13:33

You still have more chance of dying in a car accident than in a plane crash, easterholidays

Idontevencareanymore · 21/09/2018 13:48

I'd let him do it. BUT I'd be the one going first and having a blissful day sleeping/sightseeing/shopping while he has the kids for the last day.

I can't agree with his idea though, I mean anything could happen at any time and a plane crash is probably least likely

easterholidays · 21/09/2018 13:59

@SoyDora yeah I know, sorry I didn't put it very clearly, I meant that I think the logic he is employing is that assuming your parents are both going to be in a car crash and a plane crash, they are more likely to die in the plane crash. But of course, they are more likely to be in the car crash, which is the part that his logic (as I am imagining it ) is ignoring.

Uncreative · 21/09/2018 14:06

He is being unreasonable. I mean, I see his logic but when considering the risks, it is silly. However, if he insists on separate planes, can you insist on business class? The aisles are wider and there are fewer people, so if you need to evacuate the plane, it will be much easier and you will be more likely to survive for the kids.

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