Babysitting

[Newmum102]

I know I probably am being a bit unreasonable, but I’m tired, I’ve had a crappy week and I just think the person knows all this.

Anyways a friend has asked me if I can have her LO all weekend for a course, as her usual person fell through. Now the usual person has history of backing out, ignoring friend and just generally being a bit of a dick when it comes to helping out friend.
I’ve helped out on a few occasions when I was on maternity, when usual person has bailed.

AIBU thinking it’s a bit cheeky to ask if I can babysit all weekend when I already have plans (which they know about), and that these plans will involve my DH looking after our LO. I surely can’t ask DH to look after another one, whilst I am busy. I just feel with saying no, it will come with some backlash and I feel guilty for not being able to help as I usually would if I could. I

‘Sorry, I have plans and it won’t work. Hope you find someone else.’

You really don’t have to say yes, you are busy, end of. It’s a pain for her but hey, we’ve all been there.

And what is the backlash??

I don't see why DH looking after an extra child is any worse than you looking after an extra child BUT why would there be a backlash to you saying no. Looking after a child for a whole weekend is a huge favour if you say no (and you shouldn't have to justify your no at all) they should accept that in good grace.

No is a complete sentence but you might want to add a few extra words

‘ Sorry but that is really short notice and I have plans. ‘

If you have to worry about backlash, this person isn't your friend anyway. You have plans, and her childcare problems are not your responsibility.

I would have added more than just a plain no, as I do feel I would need to justify why I can’t.

DH wouldn’t feel comfortable. He’s never really been around this child.

Backlash includes unpleasant texts and usually social media posts. Not necessarily naming the person but you know who they are aimed at

In your situation, I'd ask my dh what he felt about it. He'd say fine. If your own dh says no, they you tell your friend you've got plans already, and your dh is unable to.

Posted too soon. I usually just ignore the backlash but when im feeling crappy it does get to me.

Just read your update, cross post.

In that case, you need to start learning to be more assertive. You don't need to give a reason, no it's not convenient for me, is absolutely plenty. Then you need to hide her social media from your time line.

If there's ever this sort of backlash from someone, they're not a real friend. You don't have to engage with people who behave like this; it's not anything i would put up with.

For goodness sake, don't bother with people who are horrible to you if you don't do what they want!
I would rather have no friends at all than those like your so called friend!
Just say No,...I can't do it. You really don't have to justify it.
My DP would flatly refuse to look after a child he didn't know that well anyway, and I wouldn't expect him to because he is more important to me than a friend.
Get your priorities right.

She's not a friend if she treats you with backlash like that.
It's her problem and responsibility, not yours. Some people are very good at passing a problem onto someone else.
A simple " no sorry I can't " is plenty. Then block her number and delete her from any social media.

I know, and see what’s being said. I have been trying to cool the friendship down over the past few weeks.

It’s just difficult when your on the receiving end of text after text about how difficult things are, it does ‘suck you’ back in.

I will be letting her know I can’t help out, and unfollowing her on social media.

I wouldn't consider this person a friend.

Yanbu, if it's got to the point where you are questioning yourself about being perfectly reasonable then the boundaries have been overstepped somewhere.

Ignore those texts and social media posts. But if it were me I would 'like' them just to annoy them.