Staff collections

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At my place of work people are constantly getting engaged/married/having babies/leaving and so there is a new collection and card to sign nearly every week. I always contribute to them so over the last 5 years here I have probably put in over £100!

Anyway, I got married recently. Ok, we did do it a bit on the quiet, only family and close friends were in the know, went away on holiday (honeymoon!) and then returned to work and promptly told everyone the good news. Lovely.

That was now about 6 weeks ago...and since then I have contributed to 2 more collections....

No sign of one for me though as a 'congratulations you got married'.
AIBU to think that's not fair?

Should I say something - but how do I do that without it sounding grabby?

You're right it isnt fair. In future don't put your hand in your pocket. Your wedding came and went.

You can't expect presents for getting married from people who are not invited, this is doubly true if you don't even tell them you are getting married before you do so. Equally they are probably presuming that as you didn't tell them that you want to keep the fuss to a minimum so have decided that you wouldn't want a collection.

I have never contributed to these collections. When I have left work places I have made it clear well in adance tjat I did mot want a collection. YABU to both contribute and expect a collection

I think it’s because you didn’t tell people beforehand, it all seems a bit Johnny come lately to start a collection after a wedding. Plus they might not think you wanted them involved (you didn’t) or to have much fuss (you didn’t).

I agree with previous poster I think because it was so low key people have thought you haven’t wanted a big fuss been made about it.

If you didn't tell anyone, it seems a bit odd to expect a collection. It probably would have been done had people known it was happening, but it might seem a bit odd to do it after the event.

Congratulations on your marriage

If you got married without telling your colleagues, you can't expect them to have a collection for you.

Similarly, it's not compulsory for you to contribute to collections for others.

They might be respecting your wishes - ie you didn’t want a fuss so you didn’t get a fuss.

I agree it's not fair. Probably just an oversight since they didn't know until afterwards but still someone should have made a card and collection.

Just don’t put in. I used to keep collection my desk for an hour or so and pass it on if I didn’t wish to contribute.

I eloped, I came bs l and announced it by e-mail at work (I was changing my name) and they had a collection for me.

YANBU
That’s just downright mean! I wouldn’t contribute another penny tbh. In my work, we’ve been expected to contribute £100 over a few months for a leaving present!!!!!!!
Dream on.
Though everyone else thought this was absolutely fine! It caused ructions tbh.
I have a milestone birthday coming up early next year and I just said don’t bother getting me anything as I don’t want it.
There’s my contribution

It does seem a bit unfair , even just a congratulations card would have been nice .

I hate work collections anyway and don't contribute, they always seem to be done by the same person ( where I work anyway ) and I'm at all the emails that follow congratulating them on doing such a good job and all the fake 'humbleness' that goes with it .

I've contributed to leaving gifts for three people now who have come back to work again within the space of a few months. It's a good place to work but still.... can I have my leaving contribution refunded :)

I'm confused, OP.
You say these leaving/retirement/baby/marriage collections are happening "constantly" but how often is that, really? Initially i was imagining something like monthly. Yet if over five years you estimate you've contributed only around £100, that's what about £1.70 per person?
So either you're incredibly tight or your exaggerating massively about the frequency (and in any case by how put out/hard done by you are).

Also you sound avaricious.

Hmm, tricky one. Maybe because you did it so quietly they think you don't want a fuss at all?

I agree that £20 a year doesn't sound too onerous. Presumably you choose how much to give, too.

However, I also agree with everyone else, you chose to get married 'on the quiet' and didn't tell anyone. How do you expect them to have done a collection if they didn't know it was happening ? .
After the event just feels wrong, and if anyone thought about it they probably concluded you didn't want a fuss / to have the occasion 'marked' as you hadn't been talking about it / sharing your excitement as most people getting married do.

@medea, I only give a pound each to collections at work now, we have about 100 staff with a fairly high turnover, and lots of engagements/weddings/babies/birthdays etc, so there's at least one or two collections a month. I used to give more, but then it was getting too much. With so many staff, I think giving a pound each is more than enough tbh, call me tight, but personally I'd be happy with a card and flowers or a nice bottle.

In know this isn't your question but I'm surprised at only £100 in 5 yrs. that's only £20 per year. Where I work (public service in Ireland) it's an average of €10 per collection!