To think I have given the correct advice ?

[user1471558723]

My sil and her dh used to work in the same department with a younger female colleague.

They were all friendly and send birthday cards,etc.

Then they all moved jobs. Sil has just discovered her dh had continued to send birthday texts etc to the woman without her knowledge.
She found them by chance and read them. They sound innocent to me. Even when the woman says "hope you are both doing well" he hasn't mentioned it to his wife.
I've advised that he's a friendly type of person and there is nothing to worry about. Sil is concerned about the secrecy. I hope I have given her the correct advice.

Does he text other people happy birthday, male or female? Does he tell her each and every time he texts happy birthday to someone? Has he actually lied directly by saying he doesn't text her?

All of these possibilities change how I would feel.

That sounds pretty innocuous to me. Especially the 'hope you are both doing well' response. He probably just forgot to mention the text rather than deliberately omitting, unless there's some reason to distrust him?

Yes he does text a few male friends and female family.
My sil stopped having any contact with the colleague after they moved to different jobs she’s really surprised that her husband has carried on.
The last response from the woman made a point of being remembered to my sil. That made my sil wonder if she was a bit uncomfortable just hearing from him.
I’ve always thought of my sil’s husband as a very friendly outgoing person.

I hate getting embroiled in these family upsets. I just hope I have said the right thing, she was rather upset.
Ps it’s not my brother we are talking about! It’s my husband’s sisters husband.

Your SIL’s DH has done nothing wrong. He shouldn’t have to tell his wife when he sends someone a birthday message or even a text. Just because she dropped the ball on being a good friend doesn’t mean he has to as well.

I don’t buy that she “found them by chance and read them” either. If she’s controlling enough that she’s upset her husband sends a birthday message then she’s controlling enough to violate his privacy.

To be fair to her she wasn’t going through his phone.
I was there and we were using the timer on his phone and the text popped up.
She was intrigued and read it.
She is emotional as she has just gone through a very upsetting time. Ironically she only blurted it out to me as I was there. I had only gone around to cheer her up by doing some baking with her.
I think normally she would keep her worries to herself.
Sometimes I feel a bit out of date. .(I’m forties, sil is thirties) I just wanted reassurance that my instinct was correct.

Is she sure it's actual secrecy? I wouldn't tell DH every time I've texted someone happy birthday. It could also be that he's aware that she's insecure and deliberately didn't mention it for that reason. I don't think it's enough of a smoking gun to worry anyone in an otherwise happy marriage.

I expect my husband wishes female colleagues and ex-colleagues happy birthday- it's being nice. Sometimes he might mention it to me sometimes not - it really wouldn't be important. We are in our forties and have a secure relationship though, it sounds like either she doesn't or is a very jealous type. It all sounds innocuous.

To be fair to her she wasn’t going through his phone. She was intrigued and read it.

To be fair to her? She violated his privacy; she had absolutely no right to read his messages for any reason. She’s massively out of order here.