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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Adult with a fear of the dark and everybody thinks it’s a joke 😪

20 replies

JKCR2017 · 20/09/2018 22:13

I am a 26 year old mother of two and I’ve always been absolutely petrified of the dark, everything to do with it. Cannot sleep on the dark, cannot walk alone in the dark, cannot have my blinds or curtains open when it’s dark etc etc. I’ve just accepted that’s me.

I’m not sure where my fear comes from exactly. I think it’s a mix of things. Being a complete wimp about things in general. I also have some weird childhood memories. My mum was in an abusive relationship. I remember waking to my grandparents house with my mum in the pitch black after they had a row. Another time also at my grandparents I had woke up to a pitch black room. There was a lot of shouting and arguing downstairs. I was too scared to get up. I kept calling my mum but she couldn’t hear at first and when she did finally hear she kept saying ‘in a minute in a minute’. I remember feeling absolutely terrified. My mother never understood my fear. She was constantly turning my lamp off hoping I’d get over my fear and I’d wake up in the dark. It clearly didn’t help.

My partner just laughs at my fear. He’s accepted that lamp stays on now and sometimes he ends up DS’s bed when dS climbs in with me and sleeps in the pitch black. He’s always turning lights off when I’m in a room. Taking the p**s etc. He’s such an understanding partner in other ways but I don’t think he understands how a grown woman can be scared of the dark. But I am.. and I’m never gonna like the dark.

Earlier we had a power cut due to the bad weather. I was home alone as Oh dog sitting at his mums. I cried made worse by the fact I’d just being watching American horror story with little phone signal and low battery. Begged me other half to come home. He’s only dog sitting 5 Miles away and thought he could come home for a bit but he wouldn’t 😪 told me just to go sleep and not worry about it...

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 20/09/2018 22:25

Oh bless you. I know how debilitating fears like this can be. Your partner is being an arsehole and I would try again to really explain to him how much this affects you and how cruel he is being.

DH and I mess about with each other all the time but we both have subjects / actions that are completely off limits and which we would never ever make fun of or joke about.

Have you thought about some treatment - hypnotherapy may help, or CBT? Sending Flowers

muchalover · 20/09/2018 22:32

I have fairy lights on 24/7 and have had for years and years. I live alone when my son is at Uni and have a dog.

The fairy lights are in the kitchen and up the stairs and I also have outside fairy lights on in the winter. I have opaque film on the windows so you can't see in.

I alway have candles for emergencies and used to sleep with a light on but now I have a street light outside and I have two layers of voile so I don't shut the curtains.

Hate the dark.

JKCR2017 · 20/09/2018 22:39

Thank you ❤️ I’m off to Argos tomorrow to buy two decent torches as ours are pants. OH dog sitting for another 10 days and more bad weather is forecast!! I’m gonna keep a torch by the side of my bed!

Power cuts are my worse fear and it literally went off about 2 minutes after my OH left. 😪

Now I’m wide awake sweating and trembling worried that it will go off again.

OP posts:
EmilyRosiEl · 20/09/2018 22:47

It sounds like you have very real and traumatic reasons for your fear of the dark. Have you told your DP how it came about?

Could you stay with your DP and dog sit with him or would that be tricky as a family?

Fairy lights sound like a nice idea, you can also get battery operated lighting as a back up. Longer term you could look into something like CBT therapy if you want to get over the fear/phobia.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 20/09/2018 22:49

If you do get a power cut can you put some headphones in and listen to a podcast or something on your phone? That way you won’t hear any of those weird noises that happen in the hours of darkness.

princesstiasmum · 20/09/2018 22:51

I hate the dark too, i leave my landing light on and always have since i was a child,people laught at me but i dont care,
There is just enough light from the landing to let me see what is in my bedroom, and i dont face the door
It is an irrational fear to many people but if you dont like it its nothing to do with anyone else
Your DH doesnt seem to realise how stressed it makes you, ,he should try to understand,

Thatstheendofmytether · 20/09/2018 22:53

OP I'm a bit like this but it's not so much the dark that scares me that just adds to my irrational fear and makes it worse, it's a fear of the paranormal. I know that sounds totally irrational and ridiculous. My dp works nights sometimes and I will sleep in my kids room with then but be up most of the night scared, sweating because I can't come out from under the covers. If I do drift off I don't fully go yo sleep and have terrible day/night dreams. My son and I have both had an experience in the house which freaked me out and I can't seem to get over it. I used to live myself with one son and I was fine until I saw what I believe I did, now even when I'm outside alone (I go running round a country park) I think of all these things like warewolfs stalking me etc (mostly because of woo threads on mn). Nothing else really scares me but with this I am the biggest wimp, My dp says I'm ridiculous and laughs when I tell him things.
Not the same as you but I get what it's like to have a fear no one else seems to understand. Lights are always left on at night in our house.

Homemenu1 · 20/09/2018 22:54

You are not alone, the dark particularly. Inside dark rather than say street dark brings me out in a sweat and I can hear my heart beating and can’t move

Rebecca36 · 20/09/2018 22:55

Aw bless. You can't help what you're scared of. I was the same well into adulthood, also scared of being at home alone at night. Then it stopped suddenly.

I hope it stops for you. It isn't silly.

Stardust91 · 20/09/2018 23:09

OP, i am scared of the dark as well so i know how you feel. The moment lights go out, either because of a powercut or the lamp burned out my eyes open and i start screaming and trying to find a light source frantically, even if i am in deep sleep. Now, i always have a torch next to me or my phone. Your DP needs to be more understanding. It's a fear like any other doesn't matter if you are a grown woman or not. Would he be like that if it was a spider fear or fear of heights? Many 'grown ups' have those fears. My DH hates is scared of spiders. I had a colleague who would burst into tears if a big spider was near her. So i really don't see why he is making a big deal out of it and making it worst for you by teasing you.

Fatted · 20/09/2018 23:15

There is nothing wrong with being afraid. But if it is having an impact on your life then you really should look at having something like CBT to help. What would happen in an emergency situation where you were on your own with your DC in the dark? It sounds like your fear is severe and you would benefit from some support mechanisms for it.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 20/09/2018 23:25

Have a google of a treatment called EMDR. Its not some dodgy made up.treatment and is offered on the NHS for ptsd. It basically about recalling traumatic memories and training the brain to "deal" with them. It sounds like you had a few terrifying experiences as a child and something like this might help you. I have exoerience of it and it really helped me to understand how I feel and work through it as they say. If you can afford to go private I bet they could really help you.

Andro · 20/09/2018 23:29

fairy lights

Amazon link above has lots of options for battery powered LED fairy lights, many of them with remotes so you could use them at the touch of a button. In addition to a couple of really good torches, I also have a wind up one, excellent for finding new batteries for the other torches if needed (available at argos, tesco and numerous other places).

Losingthewill1 · 20/09/2018 23:32

So I didn’t have a fear of the dark till I started having depression, which then turned into phycotic depression with hallucinations/ auditory hallucinations.

Since then I am petrified of the dark because my brain is working over time to litterally gift me a heart attack if I think I see something.

I tend to sleep in the day now because I can rest easier but at night ( like now) I’m up in the living room watching Netflix.

It’s not nice for your partner to laugh at this, it’s hurtful because if you could just turn off this dear then you would but when it’s the result of a traumatic incident or your brain releasing a chemical that tells you there are monsters in the dark it makes you feel like a child.

I’d explain to him how it makes you feel and if he still does it , flick him in the bollox in the middle of the night and blame it on a ghost

cleopatracomingatya · 20/09/2018 23:34

I think my love for horror films and reoccurring nightmares when a kid has made me really dislike the dark, to the point I do run up the stairs or run to the toilet in the middle of the night. It feels like there is just something lurking in the corner of a dark room and it's always unnerved me?!
I do feel for you OP, but then again a lot of people have the common debilitating fear of spiders, and still get laughed at by those who don't mind them. Unfortunately when people don't understand a fear they think it's irrational and can't put themselves in your shoes Sad

JKCR2017 · 21/09/2018 06:32

Thanks all for your kind words. I am generally a very anxious and scared person. I am also really scared of spiders or any bugs etc. Damn spider season, I just found a spider in my room and I’m freaking out!

I stayed at my grandparents a lot as a child. There biggish house is 150 odd years old and scary in the dark (they insisted on complete darkness at night but I’d get up and turn a light on) which didn’t help my fear at all.

I do believe my fear of the dark is more fear of what’s in the dark. I’ve never had any paranormal experiences as such but I cannot help feel scared of the unknown. I live near an ex raf base. My house is on a an ex marital quarters estate. These houses are old and creak a lot despite being refurbished! In the middle of nowhere with rubbish street lighting at the best of times!

Barely any phone signal here so when the wi fi goes off I’m doomed!

But I survived the night! Yay! Off to buy some torches later though..

OP posts:
linkylink · 21/09/2018 06:52

I have always been scared of the dark although not really sure why. It’s the fear of the unknown & paranormal stuff I think, I don’t watch any woo films anymore. I hate the dark outside windows at night, the idea of a Grand Designs style glass house is my worst nightmare! I had a dimmer switch & nightlight when younger as my parents got sick of the tears. Nowdays I sleep with the door open & hall light on plus have torches etc.

SinkGirl · 21/09/2018 07:48

I really like the Ikea rechargeable nightlights as you can carry them around if needed :)

FinallyHere · 21/09/2018 07:48

Fair enough to keep lights on etc.

But, honestly, what are you thinking of, watching American horror story I'm not scared of the dark but I do know that I am strongly influenced by scary movies so just do not watch them.

GrouchyPreggoLady · 21/09/2018 08:01

Oh bless you!
I had an 'irrational' phobia of a fairly unusual animal which fortunately I didn't come across often in real life... until I had kids.
So I went to my GP and I did CBT, it helped a bit but it was exposure therapy that helped to most.

Whichever way you go about it, you really do need to seek help for it, you really don't want to pass on the fear to your kids. 💐

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