DS is being wendied AIBU to talk to "friends" Mum?

[peanutbuttercup]

Bit nervous to post in AIBU as I've been accused of being over invested in the past (probably somewhat warranted).

DS aged 11 is in an intermediate school (years 7 & 8). This years he's been playing everyday with his oldest best friend since age 3 and a boy new to our area. I'll call them A & B.

A few weeks ago I was talking to the Mum of another boy in the same class who DS knows through a sport. She asked if DS was happy at school and I said yes he's really enjoying it. She said her DS (I'll call him X) was having a really tough year as a boy in his friendship group was excluding him and being nasty and X's oldest friend was always playing with this mean boy now etc. My DS and X have always got along well but are in different friendship groups at school. X's friends are sporty "cool" kids whereas my DS's friends are more ordinary "not so cool" kids. She asked who DS plays with and said maybe she should tell X to play with them. I said of course they're really nice kids.

So, a few weeks ago I've started to notice that DS is hanging out with boys from a different class now and when I asked him if he wanted to have A over one weekend as I hadn't seen him for a while he didn't want to, he asked for a boy from this other class. After a bit more digging it turns out X has been excluding him and according to him A & B do nothing. He said yesterday he asked them at lunchtime what they were doing and X said "none of your business" and this is happening all the time. It's especially upsetting that A does nothing to help.

I said I'll talk to X's Mum (not accusingly as I'm aware I only have one side) as she'll be able to have a conversation with him about empathy as he's doing to DS exactly what happened to him but he doesn't want me to. He wants to sort it out himself.

My AIBU is do I do it anyway and tell her that DS didn't want me to but I felt I needed to or let him try to sort it out himself (and if he is unable to sort it out then talk to X's Mum). I don't feel there is much point talking to the school as X's Mum tried that when he was being excluded and they don't help at all. DS was upset telling me last night and on brink of tears so I know it is getting to him.

Your poor DS. I would say mayne give him a week (which is a long time in kid time) and see if he can deal with it himself since that's What he wants, then if nothing changes speak to his mum. I've had the same issue with my DS a few times but he always insists on sorting it himself and he usually does. Breaks my heart when kids do this to each other. Hope everything works out.

Thanks Thatstheendofmytether you're right I was thinking about giving him the day :) but a week would be more fair. Maybe I'll discuss some strategies with him to help sort it out himself.

After years of being gay bullied myself I wish I had the confidence then to stick up for myself and give back some of what I got but I just couldn't. I think my son does because he does seem to sort it out himself. Hopefully your son will too but if you think a week is to long and he is really struggling,I would definitely have a word with his mum. It's bloody dog eat dog in the playground!

Just bullied not gay bullied, I have no idea why my phone put that in there sorry

Sorry to hear you were bullied it sucks. There was a lot of bullying at my primary school too. DS and I had a good talk this morning about some things he could try and we're going to invite friend A over this weekend so he can have a talk to him about it (if he feels brave enough to talk about 'feelings') so we'll see if that improves things. Otherwise I think friend X's Mum would understand and help out too. But it would be good to empower DS to sort it out himself.