expect 15yr old not to get tattoo

[duomonstermum]

well she's gone and done it. dsd turned 15 last week and decided that not only was she old enough to tell us where to go, she could get a tattoo as well. we only found out because granny ratted her out. she turned up at her grannys and expected everybody to be happy about it. when dh didn't react she accused him of not caring, being a crappy dad and she was just going to do what she wanted. needless to say it was pointed out to her that not only was it illegal, she was risking all sorts of infections by having it done at some guys house where the level of hygeine is unknown. dh walked out of the house and didn't return for 5hrs. it took him that long to calm down. she's just such a brat!!! since his divorce 12yrs ago we have moved closer to where she lives, have cared for her to the extent that the courts granted joint custody on the basis of the ammount of time she spent with us, bitten our tongues and tried to be civil with the ex, travelled the length and breadth of the country to take her to doctors when she was ill and all we asked for was for her to wait till she was 18. we even said we would take her on her 18th to a reputable artist and pay for it. i've gone beyond angry. she's always been treated the same as the other kids and i'm so disappointed that she's intent on destroying her relationship with her dad. i guess youth makes you think that you can do these things and it won't change things but it is heartbreaking to see a grown man reduced to tears. i wish i could make her see that dh won't live forever and all the sacrifices we have made were to try and better her life. dh is so hurt that he's talking of leaving the area. it wasn't the tattoo but the other stuff that cut deep.

If it was me, I would be calling the police, what the tattooist has done constitutes assault on a minor according to the law.

I would also insist she goes to the GP and gets blood tests done for all the relevanty infections. Might bring it home to her what a twit shes been.

Fwiw sounds as if she s after attention, teens can be like that, no matter how much you offer its never enough

Sending you a huge hug xx

Agree with everything mumofeight has said.

You must be furious.

Teenagers do push their parents to see whether their love is really unconditional. That's what she was doing - that's why she ranted at your dh and accused him of not caring, she wanted a reaction to 'prove' he cares about her.

It's only a tatoo - I know this is a big deal for you, but step back a minute. At least it's not drugs/pregnancy/crime/any of the other horrors that keep parents awake at night. Have a calm but firm chat with her, telling her how hurt and disappointed you are but that you still love her, then leave it at that.

I would do axactly as mumofeight has suggested.

i would then not mention it again. its there and it will be forever. i hope she put a lot of thought into its design and positioning (probably not) as she will regret it within a month optherwise.
this is the true lesson to be learnt here.

there are times when they just need to make the mistake in order to leanr from it.

agree with mumofeight too....

i would be even though i was 14 when i got my first tattoo.

report tattoo parlour owner to local authority and police - as u said it's illegal to tattoo a minor

Against the law to tatto under 16 yr old.

Why do you think she is testing the boundary's?
I think she should go to the Dr and get a blood test.

actually it's against the law to tattoo anyone aged under 18 - tattooing of minors act 1967. If she tells you where the guys house who did it is, report to the local authority environmental Health officer and to the police. It can carry a large fine though i have to say it is practically unheard of for it to attract a prison sentence.

I speak as someone heavily tattooed, with almost full sleeves and a chest piece. although i don't hope to speak for all the tattooed, we do frown upon home tattooists, especially with regard to underage tattooing. it gives us all a bad name.

If she does hate it in a month or so, NHS may help with lazer treatment etc.

She needs to be tested, and as Persephone and others have mentioned you need to get the eejit that did it sorted out. Idiots like that are a threat to the reputation of all the decent artists out there who wouldn't touch a clueless teen with a bargepole.

Mamazon makes a good point too. Explain the issues you have with her, then try not to talk about it again. She was reckless and needs to deal with it in her own way. If she so desperately wants to be an adult she'll have to deal with it like one too.

Agnes

thanks for the support. we did report the guy but he's claiming that he didn't know she was a minor. hell i have tattoos so it's not that bad but we've spent the last few days at the doctors cause it got infected and the person who took her to get it done (MUM) is trying their best to avoid us. it's up to us to do the cleanup again and all we're getting is grief. edam is right, in the great scheme it's not the worst but we have had to deal with drinking smoking sex..... it just gets hard to keep on proving that we do care esp when we get the feeling that the ex is egging her on a bit.