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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not saying thank you

23 replies

dustiseverywhere · 20/09/2018 14:35

I was brought up to say please and thank you.

This week I gave someone a lift, six hours return journey. She asked me this morning to take her all the way home rather than do what we had previously done which was to drop her at the nearest motorway services for her family members to collect her from there or for her to get a cab from there. She lives south of there, I then turn North and had another 30 mins to drive and I needed to get to an appointment, if I had detoured south to her house for 20 mins and then back it would have added 40 mins onto a 3 hour journey - which I was struggling to do as I was really tired and in pain - and also I would have missed my appointment.

She didn't say 'please' when asking me to take her all the way home, she just said "are you ok to take me home?"

And she didn't say any form of thanks when she got out the car for the six hour return lift I had given her. Her family member said hello with a real unfriendly tone, didn't look at me, didn't say anything other than "are you ready then?" to my friend , my friend said "bye, and see you soon" and then they walked off.....and I got the distinct impression they were pissed off that I hadn't taken her the whole way home.

AIBU to be peed off about this? I took her on a six hour return journey! She could have got a cab the last twenty mins. But instead her family member acted pissed off that she'd had to come out and collect her and that I should have taken her all the way home. BTW it was the middle of the day, not nighttime.

AIBU to expect people in general to say please and thank you when asking me to do something for them etc? Is this friend being a CF or should I have missed my appointment in order to get her all the way home? BTW I couldn't leave the original departure place earlier because she wasn't ready, I was but she wasn't.

OP posts:
lifeofdreams · 20/09/2018 14:36

If you took me on a six hour return journey I’d

A) have given you petrol money
B) said thank you
C) have bought you a bottle of something or some chocolates

SleepingStandingUp · 20/09/2018 14:39

She was rude and yanbu. Presumably she'd have had to find another way there and back if you hadn't gone and you made it clear in advance what you could offer.ive had people drop me off 10 minutes drive from my house before because thry didn't want to get off the main drag. You say thankyou gratefully and get a can / lift / walk the rest grateful you didn't have to do it for all.

But why on earth you need to do a three hour each way in one day and get home still daytime??

Original poster
dustiseverywhere · 20/09/2018 14:58

It wasn't in one day.

The other thing is that I could have gone a shorter way each direction for me, I had ALREADY gone half an hour longer to go and get close to her home to pick her up and drop her off, and then she wanted me to drop her home as well. We discussed it in the car and she said it was only ten minutes each way from the services , but my satnavs said twenty mins each way, plus I only had five spare when I got to my appointment, so even it was only ten mins each way I would have been 15 mins late for a half hour appointment.

Her family member really scowled at me. I was Hmmabout it.

And yes she could have got a lift to the train station, gone on the train and got a taxi to the venue the other way, and the same in return. Which would have cost her double what my lift did.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 20/09/2018 14:59

next time say sorry, I'm not coming from home andet her work out how bloody nice you were!

PoisonousSmurf · 20/09/2018 15:06

Simple solution to this. DON'T EVER, EVER offer to do it again!
Flowers for you, you're a saint!
Takers never 'say thank you'. Remember that.

RangeRider · 20/09/2018 15:10

I had ALREADY gone half an hour longer to go and get close to her home to pick her up and drop her off
Yes but that extra half hour has saved you many more hours in the future when you WON'T be driving her because she's downright rude and self-centred. Grin

Original poster
dustiseverywhere · 20/09/2018 15:19

I think you are right

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 15:21

Outrageously rude. Don't offer again.

hellsbellsmelons · 20/09/2018 15:26

Next time - if you are willing - just say you are going to XXX place and she is welcome to get a lift from there but you are not going out of your way at all as it's too much hassle and made you late last time.
These people are CF and they need to learn that they don't get everything their own way.

Original poster
dustiseverywhere · 20/09/2018 15:35

Right now I don't feel like offering at all for the next time.

OP posts:
Original poster
dustiseverywhere · 20/09/2018 15:37

If it was the other way round I would have said "thank you so much, it's so nice to be driven in comfort rather than get the train, and are you sure I have given you enough petrol money?" (She hadn't, I showed her the website calculation which was £20 petrol each, and said she'd paid for some wine and coffee for me, which totalled £15. She didn't then offer to pay the balance. If it was me I would have paid my £20 and bought the wine and coffee as a thank you for doing that drive). Hmmmmm

OP posts:
Original poster
dustiseverywhere · 20/09/2018 15:39

I don't mind about a missing £5 by the way, but I do mind about her family member scowling at me and them both walking off without so much as a simple thanks. Let alone the more enthusiastic thank you I would have offered, ffs.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 20/09/2018 15:46

This isn't a friend, OP. This is a woman who is using you. The apple didn't fall far from the tree, given what her family is like.

Don't give her a lift again and don't feel guilty about that, either.

Shadow1234 · 20/09/2018 15:54

There definitely shouldnt be a 'next time' - I wouldnt even
consider it. Done! finito! end of!!

Shadow1234 · 20/09/2018 15:57

The least she could do was offer petrol money! This kind of
behaviour really winds me up - ungrateful b###h !!

Original poster
dustiseverywhere · 20/09/2018 15:59

Thank you, I was really thinking perhaps I was BU for not taking her all the way home and they had reason to be pissed off with me

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 20/09/2018 16:01

Who is she to you and what was the trip for-was it a work thing?

If anyone treated me like that, I would never let them in my car again and I would have told them exactly why.

MauraIsles · 20/09/2018 16:02

Not saying thank you to someone doing you a favour is completely rude, as a PP had suggested, most people in this situation offer money to cover petrol and something to say thank you. I wouldn’t bother doing said ‘friend’ any other favours in future, she might learn to behave in a grateful manner, when people are going out of their way to help her!

Thebluedog · 20/09/2018 16:06

Really really rude! I’d have offered you lunch, or petrol money and at the very least been very very grateful

Original poster
dustiseverywhere · 20/09/2018 16:25

I'm so glad it's not just me who thinks this was really bloody rude. I'm not going to offer at all again. She can find her own way there. And back.

OP posts:
PerfPower · 20/09/2018 16:40

I used to have to drive to Scotland every month for a course and it was assumed I'd give two colleagues a lift (a 7 hour return journey). I invented an aunt who lived near the place our course was held. I always popped in to see my imaginary aunt straight after the course, sometimes I pretended to stay overnight. This was because after the first time I drove them there and back neither of them thanked me. They also smoked and were annoyed that I wouldn't stop every hour for a 'fag break'. I also love driving when I'm alone, radio flat out and singing along.

Is she a good friend normally?

Blanca87 · 20/09/2018 16:47

Was it a work thing? Can you not claim mileage the back?

Original poster
dustiseverywhere · 20/09/2018 17:24

No it wasn't a work thing so I cannot claim the mileage back.

I barely know her TBH, it's just that we were going on a lifestyle type course thing and realised we lived in the same region.

OP posts:
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