Name changed. More of a discussion than an AIBU but wanted opinions (I feel there will be many differing ones!)
My brother has 3 DDs, 2 from a previous relationship one from his current long term partner. (DD1 aged 12, DD2 aged 9 and DD3 aged 6m).
He's been split up with his ex wife years and has been living with his DP for a while/has a baby with her. He has his DD1&2 every weekend and a week evening too. They both adjusted well to their new DSis and whilst the odd emotional outcry and normal preteen strops they are doting big sisters.
Him and his ex haven't had the best relationship since splitting but last weekend she had a chat with him and said the girls DD1&2 had said they missed spending time with their Dad and ex said that she thinks current DP is too involved (she's done the odd school run or pick up due to being on maternity but mostly my brother does all of this).
Ex basically suggested that he should spend the weekends and one weekday focused only on spending time with DD1&DD2 (basically implied that his DP & DD3 should go out and see her family or friends alone when they have the older girls, ex has made it clear she doesn't want her DDs involved at all in current DPs family even though they've tried to make it as cohesive as possible so all 3 girls feel equal!).
Now my brother, who is quite a sensitive soul anyway, is obviously quite upset as doesn't know how to manage his DDs without feeling like he's a part time Dad to each of them, as he works in the week and often can only spend time with DD3 at the weekends too...
It just got me thinking, what are separated parents actually meant to do? Understandably his ex's priority are her 2 girls, and my brothers are all 3 of his girls. Is the ex being unreasonable to expect the separation of weekend time or is my brother? He does make sure he spends alone time with the older 2 where he can i.e. cinema, bowling, going into town for a treat to something new etc. but since DD3 arrived the dynamic naturally changed a little!
I'm just curious really, as I totally agree ex can't expect his to not spend time with DD3 on a weekend as that's "DD1&2s time to see their Dad". I feel like it must be so tough on all people involved! My bros DP is also upset as she feels like her & DD3 are being pushed out by the ex...& to be fair to her from what I've seen she does dote on the two eldest girls too. DD1&2 have said nothing to my Dbro by the way, they always seem fine when he has them.
I don't have any children so after having a bit of a chat with my Mum & some friends about this it just made me wonder really what are you supposed to do when you split up but have children? It seems unfair if the only solution would be to never move on until all children were adults (& I think many children actually do adjust just fine).
Opinions would be appreciated (especially so as hopefully some of them I can show Dbro and help him not feel so bad!).