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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what you would think?

17 replies

AimingToMisbehave · 20/09/2018 09:22

Posting for traffic sorry. Just wondering what other parents would think and whether I'm being too self conscious.

DS is 6 and moved to a new school this year for various reasons. Very naice middle class school.

School has an odd layout and every morning his class and parents wait at an external gate to be let into the playground by their classroom. The gate opens when the teacher is ready for them to go in so there's no running around the playground etc and the waiting area is quite small and crowded.

Every morning I see the other kids standing nicely with their parents and every morning my kid is the one acting up or generally being a bit weird. This morning for example he was throwing small stones and I had to tell him off several times before he stopped. Then he spent ages running around me in circles shouting "bananas" (told you he was weird) before knocking DD who is 2 over. Other times I've had to tell him off for climbing on the gate or he will stand and say things like "Why isn't the gate open, this is stupid" really loud so everyone can hear.

Anyway, the rest of the time he's actually really well behaved and has apparently settled in well, but this is the only time the other parents see him and I'm worried he's going to get a reputation for being "that kid". What would you think if you saw him? And any tips for getting him to wait nicely like the other children?

OP posts:

FullMetalRabbit · 20/09/2018 09:25

sorry, but I would think he is "that" kid - I am sympathetic though

I would time it so that you have minimal waiting time at the gate and arrive as it opens

Seeline · 20/09/2018 09:27

Why do you think your DS is 'weird'?
If that's how you see your son, it's likely others do too.

I assume he has only been at the school a couple of weeks, so things probably seem strange and different still.
Has he made any friends?
Can you just arrive later so that he isn't waiting so long?

HeckinGoodDoggo · 20/09/2018 09:29

Having to tell him off several times for throwing stones will definitely get him ‘that kid’ rep - also it will get you ‘that mum’ rep for letting him do it

Original poster

AimingToMisbehave · 20/09/2018 09:31

Thank you. And sorry, I phrased it badly. I don't think he's weird, I think he's behaving weirdly, doing odd things like running around me and shouting "bananas" over and over.

Good tip about timing the arrival. I think a lot of it stems from the new environment and the fact that the waiting area is so crowded. He has made a couple of friends thankfully but they use the breakfast club so aren't at drop off.

OP posts:

Original poster

AimingToMisbehave · 20/09/2018 09:32

Having to tell him off several times for throwing stones will definitely get him ‘that kid’ rep - also it will get you ‘that mum’ rep for letting him do it

Not sure how me telling him off was "letting him do it*

OP posts:

Fatted · 20/09/2018 09:35

Do you think he's acting up because he has an audience because it's so crowded? My kids are a nightmare when they think they have an audience to perform for. I would be timing it to get there after the gates open. Or is there an area they can play while they wait?

The other kids will be used to waiting while your DS is new so won't be just yet. He'll get there.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 20/09/2018 09:37

Honestly I'm not that judgemental about 6 year old boys. Some of them have a lot of energy, are perhaps nervous about starting the school day and it comes out in odd ways. Running around wouldn't bother me, throwing stones would only bother me if it was at people/objects that might get hurt/damages although like you I would stop DS from doing it.
I would only worry about him being that kid if I saw him consistency being nasty to other children. (I'd still try to be understanding that there might be some underlying reason but probably wouldn't be inviting him for playdates).

You will get some hyper judgemental parents although they tend to pipe down as their kids get older. Could you bring a comic or small game to keep him occupied during that time?

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 20/09/2018 09:37

sorry should have said I'm not judgemental about 6 year olds in general not just boys!

Sethis · 20/09/2018 09:43

@AimingToMisbehave (love the reference by the way, kudos)

I think "Letting him do it" is more referencing the fact that he was able to pick up the stone, aim the stone, and throw the stone unimpeded, rather than saying that you took no action at all. It's the usual judgement you'll get for your kid doing pretty much anything.

Something that might work is kind of saying something along the lines of:

"Do you want to make more friends?"
"yes"
"So some of these other kids could be your friends, but you just don't know it yet. But do you think that these other kids would want to be your friend if you're throwing stones? Would you want to be friends with a kid who's throwing stones?"
"No"
....

Etc etc etc. Obviously paraphrase it however you think best. Another thing would be that if he's getting bored standing around, then have something planned for him to do, or talk about, or similar. It's not like 6yr olds are masters at doing nothing! Do the other kids not talk to each other? Can you encourage him to meet new people by maybe going to chat with someone else?

So long as your kid is happy in himself and does have friends in the classroom and at break, it does't matter too much what random parents think, so I wouldn't devote a lot of time or energy to worrying about it. Best of luck!

MissusGeneHunt · 20/09/2018 09:44

Is he simply over-excited about going to school? My DS was similar, he's an 'only' and couldn't wait to get into school to interact with his friends. He calmed down when in and was fine. He grew out of it as well.

Choosing words such as 'bananas' (or whatever!) could just be a 'thing'. Worth keeping an eye on if you're worried and you feel it's obsessive, but it may be just a word he thinks is funny (from the TV or a story you've read him perhaps) and it'll either go, or a new word will be said (let's hope it's clean!!!).

If you're remonstrating appropriately then it'll be seen by others. We've all worried about having 'that' child, or being 'that parent' but often you'll get a fleeting glance and said other parents will be then consumed by their day and won't give it a second glance.

Obviously if the behaviour changes then it might be worth a word with the school to check it's not happening during the day in the future.

I don't want to minimise your concern, and I'm sure there's going to be some posters who say he needs to be 'seen' by a GP or whatever, but at the moment it sounds like observation is the key.

Chill, OP, sounds like he's thrilled to be there and it's just new and a bit 'overload' for him. Good luck

Original poster

AimingToMisbehave · 20/09/2018 09:45

Thanks all. I think I will try and get there a bit later. The school has an odd layout so there isn't anywhere else he can go. At his old school they all ran around the playground until the bell went so he's not used to this set up. I think it's his nervousness coming through.

OP posts:

steppemum · 20/09/2018 09:55

get there later and have a plan.
Talk to him before hand about how he needs to wait sensibly in this area, and suggest something, eg play eye spy, use a stopwatch to time how long you wait, have a hand held toy to fiddle with.

Or, do what I see one parent do, they stop round the corner form school in the library car park, empty at that time of day, and play 5 minutes of very energetic football. I always thought this was genius idea. gets rid of energy and wakes them up for the day. much more likely to settle in class after 5 minutes running round. So, before you leave home, do 10 minutes on the trampoline, or running round etc, get the edge off.

MumUndone · 20/09/2018 10:08

I would think he's just a normal 6 year old!

YouShouldSeeMeInACrown · 20/09/2018 10:25

OP I wouldn't worry, I'm not a parent but my brother was exactly the same when he was younger, he'd make the most stupid noises when I was walking him to school and I'd literally want to die of embarrassment

He eventually grew out of it and he's perfectly normal now! (Well, as normal as a 20 y/o boy can get 😂)

Westwing1 · 20/09/2018 10:38

He sounds fine to me and he has got a point about the system being stupid! Throwing of stones is a no no. I would let him know before you arrive at school and possibly have a punishment lined up (no tv that evening or whatever). I think arriving a little later is a good suggestion, or you could sit in the car (if you drive there!) and listen to the radio. Maybe he could have a hot wheels car in his pocket to play with, my son did this right up until age 13, albeit very discretely as he got older.

PorkFlute · 20/09/2018 10:46

I’d be judging you as that parent I’m afraid. Ineffectually telling your child off as he flits between doing things he shouldn’t be. If he can’t behave himself then why is he not next to you holding your hand?

SquishySquirmy · 20/09/2018 10:49

I wouldn't judge, or think he was that unusual!
I would think he had more energy than the other 6 year olds, or I may wonder whether he was maybe at the young end of the class or slightly less mature than the others. I would not judge you as a parent. Some 6 year olds can be a bit wild. If he was naughty in class, my child would probably mention it to me anyway.

If you were staring at your phone while he chucked stones at other kids then I would judge that, but that's not what happened.
Young child doing something naughty, then getting told to stop by parent = normal and fine.

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