To ask for advice on how to support friend

[Birdnerd]

First time as op, please be gentle.
My friend has recently found out her Mum has breast cancer.
I have ASD and can be very blunt , what can I say to help her through this hard time?
She has two young girls and I am going to suggest I take the to soft play this weekend as she is very tired with working part time, dealing with two kids and making sure her mum is OK.
She has a fiancé and at the moment they are all living at her parents to save for their own place.
Her fiance works full time and is a good dad and partner.
I don't want to post more as very identifying.
I told her they should move out ad she agreed but feels she will be leaving her mum when she needs family right now.
What else can I say/do to help please?

Taking the kids to soft play is a good idea so she can either have a break or do something nice for her mum.

So I’m the mum in this situation, not breast cancer but cancer nonetheless. My two young adult children live with me. My eldest was about to move out when I was diagnosed and she has decided to stay put for now. I’m a bit conflicted about this because I don’t want to be the cause of holding her back but I certainly appreciate her presence (she’s 21) as long as she does nothing that creates me more work. Additional small children in the house would, I think, be quite difficult for me but others may find comfort from it.

If I were you I’d make sure I stayed in regular touch with her even if she doesn’t contact you first and check if there’s anything practical you can do to lessen her load. Most of all listen.

Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with cancer too.
Yes her parents are very stressed with the kids around making noise.
She is very depressed at the moment (my friend) and feels she is letting everyone down and herself by not being at work etc. I told her given the circumstances work can fuck off for the moment.
I suggested speaking to a proper councillor as they would have better advice than I do regarding depression. I said my methods of dealing with it perhaps may not work for her.
I want her to rest and I have said to message or call if she needs anything. For now though she needs to rest she is overworked and taking too much on.
When she updates me today (she promised she would) I will suggest taking the girl's out. Thank you again for your advice and I hope you kick cancer in the bollocks.

Thank you Birdnerd and good luck to your friend and her mum

What I will say is that if her parents are finding the children very stressful then she really does need to find alternative accommodation. I know she’s in a really shitty position but life throws this crap up sometimes and we have to get on with it.
Once her mum starts treatment she’s going to need a lot of peace and quiet to deal with the side effects of chemo.

Again thank you. I believe she is only having radiotherapy? I'm not sure, her mum has other health condition with heart.

Oh I see, I don’t have any experience of radiotherapy (yet) so can’t comment on that but I doubt they recommend it as a party drug 😂

Her depression must be making it much harder for her, I sympathise but she needs to make Her mum the priority by making life as easy as possible for her and get her own support elsewhere, which to be fair it sounds like she’s doing.

My own daughter has historical MH issues including depression and she has been coming up trumps in our situation, I couldn’t be more proud of her and that in itself is a great help and brings me joy.

Thank you again so much for your help.☺ 🌹

Sometimes blunt in a difficult situation can be useful. If it's from a good place.

I'm sure she'll have a lot of people for hugs and sympathy but a good bit of practical thinking and help with the little ones could go a long way.

Thank you

Offering practical support to your friend is fantastic!

You may not need to say anything to your friend. Just let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk. Being a good listener is invaluable.

Soft play is a great idea OP. It'll give the dc a chance to let off steam and the adults some peace and quiet.

Asking her to meet for a coffee on her own for a few hours to chat would be good too, sending her texts to let her know you're thinking of her, that sort of thing would be appreciated, I'm sure.