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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so awful for shouting at my son

14 replies

Oopupsideyourhead · 19/09/2018 22:01

I feel like such a fucking crap parent. I really shouted at my 10 year old son - he accidentally kicked me really hard in the leg in his shoes (I have a massive bruise) as he was messing about - I swore & shouted as I have asked him to stop throwing himself about in the house (he does stuff like start to play football in the hall even tho I ask him not to).
All that aside- I feel awful. I have apologised to him for overreacting - it was mainly because it really bloody hurt. I wish I could undo it- I feel like I am on a short fuse at the moment (I think I am perimonopausal).

I have been worrying about my reactions so much. Aibu to worry- I love my kids so much yet I feel like shouting/ short fuse behaviours are so damaging

OP posts:

SingleCellParamecium · 19/09/2018 22:30

If you’ve gone ten years without losing it and shouting at one of your children, I think you’re doing pretty well!

BarnabyBungle · 19/09/2018 22:30

Try not to beat yourself up over it.... I think most parents would shout at their child if they did this. MN can sometimes present the idea that unless you’re always measured and even-tempered, you are abusive... you’re not, you’re human! I got over being shouted at plenty of times in my childhood by parents who were generally very mild mannered.

MacosieAsunter · 19/09/2018 22:32

he does stuff like start to play football in the hall even tho I ask him not to are there any consequences for his behaviour?

This time he's kicked you hard accidentally when he was clearly not listening to anything you've told him previously and you're the one apologising?

YouTheCat · 19/09/2018 22:34

He won't combust because you shouted. Sounds like he deserved a shouting at if he doesn't listen to you.

MajesticWhine · 19/09/2018 22:36

You are not a crap parent. It is a normal reaction. You got hurt. Of course nobody wants to lose it but I honestly think there is no harm done.

Wearywithteens · 19/09/2018 23:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 20/09/2018 00:17

Oh come on OP it's normal to react this way. He kicked you. That's really bad. I hope he also apologised. If you don't normally get like this then hopefully he will have had a shock and will realise that his behaviour was wrong and stop doing it.

Yes losing your temper and swearing all the time would be damaging but if one outburst damaged a child then the vast majority of children would be emotionally damaged because none of us is perfect.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 20/09/2018 00:37

Yes YABVU to worry. Constant yelling at your children is obviously not good, but you are allowed to express anger or pain and they should be reprimanded for behaving badly.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/09/2018 04:16

As a mother of very happy, well-adjusted grown children, GOOD FOR YOU that you shouted at him. Obviously, constant shouting is not good, but you are human and it is VERY important that your child recognise this. He was being a little shit and he hurt you, of course you would lose your temper! It's good you apologised but don't feel guilty about it. Trust me, he will carry on.

1981fishgut · 20/09/2018 07:01

Omg this is were parenting has got to people feeling guilty for telling their child off

Dear lord no hope for this generation of children

I actually think it’s abuse not to tell children off when they done something wrong

newdaylight · 20/09/2018 07:05

Sorry if this comes across a bit harsh bit you do realise your son was being a little shit right?
Did he apologise to you.
Does he know you're in charge? Presumably if he doesn't listen to you and kicks the ball around in the house he loses his ball, and any phone or game console for a while?

Branleuse · 20/09/2018 07:08

Its not nice to be shouted at but thats the point. Its a punishment and it was an immediate reaction. Its not like you beat him. Give yourself a break. He was being a shitbag and he bloody hurt you. He got a telling off.

justilou1 · 20/09/2018 07:38

He’s ten, not two. He’s not going to melt if you lose your shit. In fact, it’s probably healthier for him to see you as a fallible human being than a saint in the long run anyway. He’s not a baby. (Also, at ten, what you’ve been doing to try and stop him from kicking a ball in the house isn’t working, is it?)

Kitsandkids · 20/09/2018 08:17

I’m a foster career. According to some people I’m supposed to be a paragon of virtue, a role model for other parents etc. But I’ve shouted at my foster kids (who’ve been with me 4 years). A few months ago I bought them a frisbee each and when we took them to the park one of them just wasn’t thinking and threw his straight in my direction where it hit me in the face. I shouted then, as it really hurt!

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