Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work drinks and seating

18 replies

NCthatsme000 · 19/09/2018 20:11

Not an AIBU really (so I guess AIBU on that front!) but I’d like to know peoples thoughts on this one.
I know someone is gonna tell me that I’m being rude and should give people and chance, and I have, but sometimes you just don’t click with people and thats not anyones fault.

Started a new job a couple weeks ago, I’ve become close friends with a group of people there who were already a group before I joined. I was invited to work drinks, almost everyone from the (small ish) company went there. Got to the bar and a table had been booked, it was a long banquet style table, so you can only really talk to the people either side of you or in front of you. I got there about 15mins after the event start time, by this time the people I’m friends with had already sat down at the other end of the table. No issue I thought, I’ll just sit at the other end which hasn’t been filled and get the chance to talk to some new people and branch out a bit. The only issue is I was then surrounded by people I didn’t know, who turned out to be people that I really didn’t click with, I spent about 2 and a half hours there talking to them, and after this time I excused myself and went home.
My only issue is that I’m really put off going to these work events now, as they go to this same place every couple weeks or so, and I just can’t stand the idea of playing Russian roulette of who I’m gonna be with for the evening.

So what should I do? I know it would be incredibly rude to ask people to move up so I can sit with the people I know, because its essentially saying I don’t want to sit with the people who are at the other end of the table!
Basically, I’d like to know what can I do in this situation? Is there any way to handle it, what have you done in a similar situation? Or am I better off forgoing the events all-together?

OP posts:
Wonkypalmtree · 19/09/2018 20:19

Either arrive early and sit where you like or try to break the ice with others.

Wonkypalmtree · 19/09/2018 20:20

Sorry I didn’t answer your question, yes it would be rude to ask people to move seats.

Original poster
NCthatsme000 · 19/09/2018 20:21

I agree, and will definitely arrive earlier next time, but that doesn't guarantee that I'm not gonna end up with the same people again

OP posts:
LyndorCake · 19/09/2018 20:21

Arrange to meet with the group first or ask one of them to save you a seat? Don't be late?

Nacreous · 19/09/2018 20:22

Options: a) Get there on time, b) arrange to meet that group for small group drinks beforehand, or c) accept that you are still getting to know people and getting to know people requires the awkward point where you’ve asked all the standard questions but don’t know them well enough to have a non awkward conversation. Or d) and probably the one I’d go for is ask someone in the group to save you a seat so you can join them and explain you feel awkward coz you’re still getting to know everyone.

Howhot · 19/09/2018 20:22

Arrive early next time. Don't stress op. Can you find the person you're closest to and ask them to save you a seat?

Original poster
NCthatsme000 · 19/09/2018 20:25

Lyndor I can't really do that, I live about a 5 min walk from the bar (and they know this) and they lift share in 2 cars (theres 4 of them and they live in 2 houses of 2, in different places in town) so I can't really ask to grab a lift with them

OP posts:
Invisimamma · 19/09/2018 20:27

How can you be really good friends with people if you've only worked there a couple for weeks? (Misses the point)

Ask them what time they are leaving the office and walk their with them and sit beside them.

Original poster
NCthatsme000 · 19/09/2018 20:28

Narcreous, I don't know if I could do that, as there are other seats at the table (the company books more than they need incase people bring spouses etc.) so its not like they're going to run out, so it might come across as a bit odd/needy to ask them to save me a seat? I dunno Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
NCthatsme000 · 19/09/2018 20:29

Invisimamma maybe good friends wasn't the right choice of words, but I mean they're the people in the company that I talk to on a regular basis. I can't walk there with them from the office as we go on a Saturday night, and they're driving distance, where as I'm a 5 min walk from the bar Confused

OP posts:
Nacreous · 19/09/2018 20:33

Ahh, I gave up on worrying about feeling odd years ago and no longer have any shame. Everyone knows I’m weird at work but they don’t care and nor do I. I ended up explaining how I had butchered a deer I had found on the road on my second day on the job. You’re never gonna be stranger than that.

I don’t think going “hey, I’m really glad to have hit it off with you guys and sometimes I find getting to know people difficult so I wondered if you guys would mind saving me a seat?” is gonna be too horrifying? St my work we’d then flag you down and call you over as you got in or whatever. If at the moment you’re planning not to go to work drinks ever again it seems like you may as well try something so you feel you can go.

Alternatively could you invite one or two over to have dinner at yours before hand if they have to car share in etc? Then you could walk over together?

Original poster
NCthatsme000 · 19/09/2018 21:00

Nacreous no I guess it wouldn't, but I just wanted to know if there was a more subtle way to get around the issue

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 19/09/2018 21:01

The whole point of works drinks events is to get to know other people in your team, in your department, in your offices. It's really not for having a cosy chat with the mates you already know and see every day.
It's much more about building links within the wider company structure.

So next time you go, be sure to sit next to someone new, maybe someone who started recently like you. Get them talking about their job, about themselves, and you can do the same.

Who knows, you might even make a new friend.

Original poster
NCthatsme000 · 19/09/2018 21:03

AdaColeman I don't think you get how social anxiety works Confused . Also I did do that, I've spoken to everyone at least once at this point, I just wanted advice on how to avoid being stuck with people I don't click with in a situation like this

OP posts:
Nacreous · 19/09/2018 21:07

Social anxiety sucks NC! I didn’t mean to dismiss your feelings at all, it’s more just that I’ve concluded that honesty is the best policy when it comes to making friends and most people are just really flattered that you actually like them.

Haggishaggispudding · 19/09/2018 21:08

Meet them outside or ask someone to save you a seat.

Botanicbaby · 19/09/2018 21:12

I think you go each time and see who you end up with. The dynamics could be different each week. If not and it’s always the same ones you don’t feel you clicked with then stop going. They’re colleagues not friends. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

LyndorCake · 19/09/2018 21:15

Hey work-friend. I want to know more about [hobby/opinion/bad date/funny story]. Make sure you save me a seat on Saturday.

Then you get there first but hang out at the bar or just outside (give your mum a call or something) and sit down when they arrive

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread