to be worried my baby won’t look like me?

[Tamiah]

I’m mixed race, half black, half white. Green eyes and very dark Afro hair. My partner is Caucasian, very blonde, very pale, very light skin. I have no doubt our baby will be beautiful and am extremely anxious to know that they will be born healthy.

I have a nagging feeling in the back of my head that baby is going to look like Dad. He is gorgeous, so I would never be sad about that, however I grew up not looking like my mum (or my dad), people asking if I was hers, she was even asked if I was adopted (and has been asked this quite recently and I’m in my mid 20s!). I felt really out of place and like I didn't quite belong in my siblings who all looked like my parents. It was hard as a kid and people always assumed I was a relative, but not my parent's child.

AIBU to hope my baby looks a bit like me? Skin tone, hair colour, eye colour I couldn’t care less about, I just hope SOMETHING looks like me.

Very trivial thing to think about and I’m sure when baby is here it won’t matter. Just wondering if anyone had similar thoughts...

*belong with my siblings

You sound gorgeous - lucky you having green eyes! I'm sure your baby will look like you. Sometimes it's there in a gesture or an expression rather than in anything else, but there's usually something there in the child that resembles the adult.

Something will but it’s outbof your hands. I’m similar to you but with dark eyes. My baby is blond with blue eyes - doesn’t look like he has an ounce if Caribbean heritage. But he has my expressions and he still looks like me.

I can understand that, particularly with your history of not feeling like you looked like your parents. I’m sure that your baby will look like you though - there will be something you’ll catch, a smile or a certain look.

My DD has her dad’s smile and eyes, but I think she has a similar personality to me. Most of all though, she looks like her and we both love her to pieces.

YANBU, I imagine it is hard! There is a journalist called Robyn Wilder who wrote about this (she is mixed race and her first child especially looks very like her blonde, white husband). She talks about people assuming she is a nanny etc. It might help you to read about her experiences as she is a very funny and gifted writer who finds the good!

Honestly the baby will probably look much more like dad when it’s born. They usually seem too. Then mum emerges at some point to greater or lesser extent. I totally understand your feelings. It sounds like you had some painful experiences growing up. There will 100% be something that looks just like you. And feels like a part of you too.

Thanks everyone. I really expected people to slate me and tell me I should be happy my baby is healthy. Of course this is so important and in the grand scheme of things I really don't care what my baby looks like. It would just be NICE if they looked at least a little like me. Not for my sake, but for theirs. I don't want people to think I'm their nanny (my mum had this one too), or their babysitter, or a friend etc. If this is the case then so be it. I turned out okay - just

Race aside none of my four look like me. And neither me nor my husband have blue eyes. All four kids have blue eyes.

Thanks @Twotailed - googling now!

@mummabearfourbabybears gotta love genetics!

haven't you just! Good luck Op

OP - if you look around your wider family do you see bits of an aunt or grandparent or cousin in you. My DCs and i are all white but they look nothing like me or each other. I'm like my Dad's sister, DS1 is like his paternal DGF, DS2 is the image of my DM. The 3 of us don't even look related but put it in a much wider family group and you start to say "ah, that's where the forehead /ears/height comes from".

Thank you! Very nervous to meet him/her...

I’m dark haired and dark brown eyed with olive skin. Both my DD’s are blonde, blue eyed and freckly just like their dad! DD1 is just like me in terms of mannerisms, the way she speaks, behaviour... everything really! DD2 isn’t really like anyone . They will be their own little people, but they’re bound to have some of your characteristics.

When Dd was born, both DH and I somehow expected that she would look more like me or at least be a melding. Imagine our surprise when out popped a baby who from the very first glimpse was the spitting image of DH. We had 3 names picked out and one was the far front runner, but it was immediately jettisoned because she was clearly meant to be called the second name. We did eventually discover that she at least got my somewhat unique eye color.

I did have some moments early on where I wished Dd looked a bit more like me, especially since she is an only child. But then her personality emerged and I could see just how much of her came from me.

You are basically me! Is your mum white, dad black? I had the exact same worries. My DS was born last year and he is, I would say, pretty close to my colour. He definitely doesnt look white. I have very boring brown eyes, DH has blue/grey. DS has amazing green eyes.

My sibling had a baby this year and they are lighter skinned than me, and DN also has brown skin.

Dont feel weird for worrying about it, you're not alone!

YANBU!

My husband and I are both caucasian, and for a long time
my youngest son didnt look like either of us!! Roll on 17
years and everyone says he looks like me! (I cant see it
myself), but children change so much over the years.

As another poster said, even if your baby doesnt look
like you, he/she might have one or more of your traits

My grandson is the spitting image of his dad (and my
daughter used to wish the baby looked a bit like her), but
as hes got a bit older (10months now), certain things he
does (a certain smile or frown), you can definitely see my
daughter in him.

Your baby may end up with your personality or temperament,
which is sometimes more important than looks.

I wouldnt worry about it too much. Just enjoy your pregnancy 😁

@FilthyforFirth yep! Mum is white (German) and Dad is black (Caribbean). I am rather pale though. My brothers are both darker than me but they look SO MUCH like both of my parents it's unreal. I am the odd one out. I still don't look related to any of them!

Yanbu.
Both my babies look like me and I'm secretly delighted. I don't look like either of my parents.

I was really smug when DD was born with loads of dark hair just like me, then it all fell out and was replaced by beautiful golden locks just like her dad. In fact she’s the spitting image of him and you’d never even think we’re related. That’s all the thanks I get after 9 months growing her!

Oh lovey, I’m sure that your baby will be gorgeous just like you! Unfortunately it’s out of our control, But fwiw I empathise I remember growing up not looking like either of my parents or wider family (but it turned out my dad was adopted and when I was a young adult I met his bio family and I look just like them!)
Good luck with your pregnancy ❤️

My kids are mixed race, and I'm the white parent. The odd thing being that often when people see me with either of them they don't get we are related, because of the skin colour. If you look at us properly you can see the similarity, but most people don't see past the skin.

@notaflyingmonkey strange isn't it! It really used to bother me as a kid, especially as I grew up in a predominantly white area. It's more multi cultural now. Strange that I'm so much lighter than my dad, but nobody really questioned us when we were out together. I couldn't possibly have belonged to my very Germanic looking white mother though!

It is strange. We also live in a fairly white area, and people accept that DH is their father, but I know that people think I am their step mum!

My DC are mixed race and I’m the white parent. Both DC are a mix of both of us but one definitely looks more like DH with darker skin and black hair but has my personality. Other child looks more like me but with DH personality traits. Got to love genetics!