NC as I want to have a separate username for this issue (I feel a few posts coming).
Essay alert - sorry.
OH and my DP(arents) are NC. OHs decision only, I've posted about this before and posters were pretty unanimous about agreeing it's my DPs fault but I have since found out more stuff and I do think shitty behaviour was on both sides and no one is 100% blameless.
However my DPs are difficult and have a list of issues, I have been slowly but surely learning to put my foot down and assert myself.
It helps me to post on here to get some outside opinions and advice as I'm naturally a very non confrontational person and I can sometimes get very anxious and feel sick in the face of certain issues I have to face.
So here it goes - I used to visit my DPs and DBro(lives with them) once a week with both DCs. Usually around my DMs working schedule as she has odd days off in the week and my self employed DF usually shuffled his days around. Eldest DC has now started 4days a week at nursery so there's only 1 day a week I can visit with both DCs. But I can pretty much visit with DC2 anytime.
My DM knew this was coming up as we discussed the days DC1 will be at nursery as she asked me for them to try and arrange her shifts around it (she was in talks with her manager about having more set
days) this was back in June.
DMs ended up arranging to have every other weekend off guaranteed - now I do not mind at all, she should do what works for her. It did throw a bit of a spanner in the works as it meant she doesn't have Friday's as a guaranteed non working day but for me it just meant that I can come with DC2 when her days off fall Mon-Thu and I can come with both DCs when she's off on a Friday.
But I'm now expected to visit at weekends. This doesn't work. OH works gets home around 6pm Mon-Fri and barely sees the DCs, he isn't willing to sacrifice any of "his" time aka weekends so that my parents can see them.
I feel like my DM is starting to try to subtly turn the pressure on as there have been odd remarks here and there about me always being busy and never being flexible enough to occasionally see them at weekends - a good argument here is the fact that I due to my DBros new job he's only around at weekends so it's the only time I can see him.
I had a text from my DM to say that this week I'll have to come sat or sun as she's working through the week. I said I won't be able to make that (we are genuinely busy). I've had a text saying that I'm always busy at weekends and that my DF can't keep scheduling time off work in the week to see us (btw this hadn't been brought up as an issue until now).
I don't want a stand off or a conflict so I haven't replied yet. What do I tell her/them without creating tension? Do I text or call? - I want to address not only this weekend but weekends in general.
And IBU to feel bad about this? if DPs and OH spoke to each other we would definitely make time to pop in at the weekends when we can like with do with my PILS. I also feel bad about not seeing my DBro who had nothing to do with the conflict between them.
TBH I just wish that I didn't get sad everytime I'm thinking about any major future plans as I know my DPs will always be absent.