To find this colleague's behaviour in the canteen annoying

[Clothrabbit]

A group of us usually take our coffee break at the same time and sit together at one table. There's usually a good general discussion going on or a bit of communal banter and laughter and it's all enjoyable.

There is one woman, however, who insists on trying to drag whoever is sitting beside her away from the general chat and into a one on one conversation, usually about herself and her various family members. I'm not talking about occasionally, but every single time you sit beside her. Another colleague has mentioned it to me as well.

AIBU to find this irritating and a bit selfish?

Of course it's annoying, but it's ridiculous to say she "insists" on anything, because she can't. If you allow yourself to be dragged away, that's YOUR fault. Create boundaries and defend them.

I can see why it’s irritating if you enjoy the group chat more but I don’t think it’s selfish of her. Perhaps she finds it intimidating or she feels she can’t hold her own in the group or is too shy to contribute. But she’s obviously still trying to make an effort to speak to someone.

She probably doesn't realize she is being tedious. I'd try to politely brush off the private conversation while keeping her included in the main one somehow.

No honestly she's not shy, but she's quite attention seeking. She usually starts by trying to drag the entire group conversation away to whatever she wants to talk about, but when that doesn't work she turns to the person beside her and very persistently tries to drag them into a one on one.

Then it's up to the individual person each time, to rejoin the group conversation. That's not your problem!

That does sound really annoying. I’d understand if she was introverted and found the group intimidating but it sounds like she just wants the conversation to revolve around her. I would be trying to avoid sitting next to her myself!

I've started to do that Twotailed, but it doesn't always work

Argh one of my friends does this. At a party or dinner or in a pub - when tbe’group’ is talking she will always try and have a separate conversation with the person sitting next to her. Im always like ‘I’m just listening to the group covo right now, let’s char in a bjt’

Maybe you need to agree with a couple of others who share your feelings that if she nabs one of you (or someone else) that you'll ask that person a group-conversation-related question to bring them back in again?

Its for the person being dragged away to say something really or not be dragged away. Also lots of people get very bored in group chats and prefer 1-1s. Maybe the person doesn't mind.
Everyones different OP.

I hate when this happens.

My tactic is to keep looking away, give very little eye contact and give extra special attention to the main conversation. I have been known to say 'shush' gently - and that's usually when I'm desperate to hear the main conversation and involved with it.

She did it again this morning. I just smiled politely each time and then turned back to the main conversation. Eventually she got bored with me and started bothering the person on her other side. I will just keep doing this and hopefully she will stop.