To ask him to tell me

[whatusername2018]

Just wanna get some MNers opinions on this one!

Ex h moved back in with his parents when we split, but is soon needing to move out as his parents are relocating and he can't go with them. He is extremely unlikely to be able to rent somewhere by himself as his credit score is awful and he has lots of trouble with money, debt and defaulted payments on many things.

However, an option which I'm very aware of is for him to move in with his girlfriend, who (so he's told me) has 8 siblings and lives in a fairly small house with her parents still - but it's in the same town where he works around 40 mins from where DS and I live. I have mentioned this to him and he said he isn't moving in with her/going to live with her.

I know very well lots of people say on here that it's nothing to do with Parent A what Parent B does during contact and who they bring around the DC but my question is If he ends up moving in with her to her and her parents house would I BU to want him to actually tell me this (he is a compulsive liar) and ask some questions possibly go round there etc to begin with as I don't know anything about her and her family and DS would be going there for overnights/contact once a week? TIA!

Anyone??

Will they be able to fit another person into a house that's already got 11 people living there?

@Shallishanti123 I personally do t think so - no! And when I bought it up when he first told me about having to move he said he couldn't because there's already too many people there and not enough room for even him. However as I said I don't see how he'll get his own place with such a bad rep with money which will come up on credit checks to rent. It could be his only option!!

Surely he could pay for a bedsit or a room in a shared house?

Tbh you don't really have any right to dictate what he does in contact time unless it's not safe for the kids. Unless there was a proper place for my children to sleep I wouldn't allow over nights but if it's just day visits then I can't really see a problem.

@ems137 I would've thought you'd need a decent credit score etc to even do a bedsit? They'll still check all that won't they?

It depends whether it's through an agency. In my area there seems to be plenty of bedsits and rooms to rent just through private people. They're not crappy either, I used to have a gross image in my head of what they'd be like! Or even with an agency he could be honest and say he's got a bad credit score but could pay 6 months up front (my sister did this)

His parents could go guarantor for his rental

I spoke to him tonight he says apparently his Mum is going to be his guarantor. So will have to see what happens - I'll still never know wether his girlfriend is moving in or not tho just thought it would be nice to know if she will be around when my son goes there for contact as I don't know her at all but he lies more than he breathes so I guess I'll never know

How old is your ex husband/his gf, if his girlfriend and her eight siblings all still live at home with their parents??

ask some questions possibly go round there etc to begin with

Of course you can’t go round there, OP! That’s very cheeky. As long as your child is safe, it is completely up to his father what they do, where they go and who they see. You don’t (and shouldn’t) have ultimate control.

@WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue yeah I thought so - atm it doesn't look like that will happen but I do think it would be weird if he moved in there and my son was going for contact in a house he didn't know and with several people neither of us know too just feels a little irresponsible - but when I spoke to him last night he didn't actually mention having him overnight when he moved away which I really thought he would!!

@MrsStrowman exh is 28 girlfriend is 20 she is the second oldest of all the siblings, the youngest of which only being a few months old

You'll just have to see how it goes. It might work out well if the gf has younger siblings then your son will have some playmates.

@Shallishanti123 that is true I suppose.

I guess to be perfectly honest I'm not overly thrilled that they'll all be playing happy families together as she caused lots of issues when they first got together and the first thing he said to me when I found out about her was 'oh don't worry she won't replace you as his Mum' I was like no she fucking won't.

But he lied to me throughout our entire relationship and marriage so don't know why he'd start telling the truth now