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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I expecting too much from HV

16 replies

ttbearr4 · 19/09/2018 11:07

Got a new HV as moved to different area and my old one could no longer see us, on the first meeting she asked rather aprubt in front of my children if I was depressed. Which I found rather rude and very distressing as I did have pnd with my eldest and was hospitalised with it.
Since then she will never refer to my DD by name instead says "the baby", has got her gender wrong on many occasions, and for the 4th time running is well over 20 minutes late without so much as a phonecall to say she'll be late..
I've already requested to have a change of HV but just want opinions on whether I'm being too hasty? But then again I just can't warm to her and find myself dreading her come to my house

OP posts:
Subtlecheese · 19/09/2018 11:09

Don't see her at the house. Ask where the local clinic is, and shift hv. She sounds very slap dash

Nicknacky · 19/09/2018 11:14

It’s probab better to say baby than get the name wrong and offend! I wouldn’t be bothered about the lateness as her previous appointments may have run over (unless I had to go out, then I would just go out as arranged)

How often are you seeing her? I only saw mine a few times.

Original poster
ttbearr4 · 19/09/2018 11:28

Have to see her weekly as dd isn't gaining weight, yeah but my child's name should be in her folder so it shouldn't be too hard to remember
I'm due to go out to pick my other child up from nursery so can't wait in, have never waited in as she's always late around this time! It's getting frustrating now, I understand she may have appointments over run but 4 times in a row? Now 5 times, without even phoning or a text to say are you still in etc..

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 19/09/2018 11:31

She will see dozens of babies a week, she’s probably just in the habit of calling them baby.

She probably doesn’t get a chance to call or text especially if it’s only 20 mins or so.

Request a change, but no guarantee the next hv will always be on time!

Original poster
ttbearr4 · 19/09/2018 11:39

Well she's still not here..
Wish I could weigh dd myself

OP posts:
Fireworks91 · 19/09/2018 11:40

Just go to the clinic.

She sounds busy, more than rude.

Creeper8 · 19/09/2018 11:56

i call my own dd “the baby”

Original poster
ttbearr4 · 19/09/2018 12:00

The nearest clinic is 20 minutes away, I have 3 school runs to do so it just isn't doable unfortunately

OP posts:
Original poster
ttbearr4 · 19/09/2018 12:02

That's fine for you creeper I just personally don't like it. 5 meetings and not once has she ever called my DD by her name
It's always 'how is the baby sleeping' 'is baby bf' 'is baby looking at you' 'is baby being supplemented with formula' 'is baby having wet nappies'
Maybe I'm finding it a bit worse as I called DS the baby as I struggled to have an attachment to him

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/09/2018 12:09

Honestly I don't think it sounds that bad tbh OP. Why are you so offended she's not using DD's name? What do you think it means?

The lateness is a bit annoying, do you have to be somewhere?

Original poster
ttbearr4 · 19/09/2018 12:16

Yes I have to pick my other dd up from nursery. I've already left so it's not my fault.
She always chooses around 11 to come out, if not 11 then it's 2pm and I have school run to do at 2.45. I got fined from nursery last time as I did actually wait for HV and she turned up at 2.38.
She's never text or phone to say she'd be late either

OP posts:
eurochick · 19/09/2018 12:17

I can't believe you are getting so many home visits. I had to take my (prem, underweight) baby to the clinic to have her weighed once she was discharged from nicu.

Original poster
ttbearr4 · 19/09/2018 12:18

Getting babies gender wrong is also concerning, she phoned last week to say she'd like to see me and DS and see if his willy is still bleeding! I was like erm no it's xxx with a daughter called xxxx and then she just said yeah ill see you and DS at 10.50 Confused

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/09/2018 12:19

Ok, in future tell her that you aren't available at those times and she will have to try and work around you.

5SecondsFromWilding · 19/09/2018 12:20

I think if your schedule forces them to come and weigh at home rather than see you at the clinic that they run specifically for that purpose, you need to make a few allowances for the fact that their working day can't be planned to the minute as some parents and children they go to see may be experiencing issues that extend the appointment.

The name thing never really bothered me with DD. HCPs often spend small chunks of time with a child rather than having a chance to really get acquainted with them. Not everyone has a good head for names.

Original poster
ttbearr4 · 19/09/2018 12:21

I've already said that I have to leave by 11.45 she doesn't ever say anything, I have requested a new one though.
I don't want the home visits!! Maybe it's because she knows I can't get to a clinic? I'm not sure.
I'm not worried about her weight but we've already been in the hospital twice, getting her tube fed so obviously she must be told to keep coming out to keep an eye on it

OP posts:
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