To not know what to do or who to please?

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

My close friend has social services involved from the school reporting her family again. The allegations are really serious this time around and she is stressed.

To be honest the things that have been said happened with one Ds while we were all away on holiday and he stayed with his step dad (dear friends husband) she had the younger children with us.

I have arranged to go and see her on Saturday with Ds but dp is now saying that he doesn't want Ds or myself around them until it is all cleared up as he worries I'll become involved, that it's serious what has been accused and they may look at me as putting Ds in danger? Though I'm not sure that would happen or how.

What do I do here?

Any advice

It's hard to say without knowing what they've been accused of to be honest. I would leave me ds home either way but depends on the seriousness and whether or not you believe it to be true as whether or not you should go. There's really not enough information, though I appreciate why that is

@return I believe to to be possible. That's what is worrying. Ah I'm so conflicted. Ds is 6 and having separation anxiety with regards to me, he really panics so leaving him isn't an option at the moment either

I wouldn’t take your DS. It doesn’t sound like the right environment for a child. If there is no way you can go without him I would phone your friend for support instead.

Maybe you could go while your DS is in school? Is that possible?

Could you all go out somewhere? Soft play or a park? That would be less 'involved' then going to their house or something? If she starts to talk about it all, say you sadly don't have any advice, but your sorry for everything that's happening and are there to listen to her or any of the family need an ear? That way you can see them but in public and don't have to take 'sides' or whatever

You have to put your child first. He doesn't need to be in the middle of this potentially volatile situation no matter how much you want to rush in to support your friend. If your DS can't be left with your DP then you should not go. Agree with previous suggestions to meet up somewhere neutral such as the park or soft play or when the DC are in school.

It sounds like she wasn't there when the alleged incident happened...or am I misreading?

My friend was reported to SS because he mum dropped her dd off at school drunk.

I went round because the child were not in danger from my friend or her husband.

If the allegations were serious, related to someone who will be in the house, then no I wouldn't be taking my child.

It's not a case of who to please. But wether your child should be in that environment. I would suggest not. Schools don't report at the drop of a hat and this isn't the first time it's happened.

She wasn't there no. She was with me on holiday with my son and her two younger ones.

She's adamant it hasn't happened and saying the school are lying. But they wouldn't do that and what they're saying is so extreme that it's mad to think it would be made up.

Plus I've seen the anger of this man.

Ok so Ds is being put first and I can't go there. Thank you

So she has her children still living with this man. You are confident he did it. So it's not a shock to everyone. But she trusts him to look after her children and wants your children round him.

She may have not caused the issue andbits can be very difficult to leave. But she is choosing to keep her kids in danger. And asking you to put your kid in danger.

@notaclue it's a bit different, I've seen him smack the children which obviously isn't ok. I've never seen this level of abuse in their house that has been accused. But again. What do I know. I clearly don't know what has actually been happening behind closed doors.

But if you have seen him smack the kids you have seen him abuse them. She has likely seen worse. You must have told her what he did.

She is still happy to have her kids and your child around him. I would be so angry at my friend for expecting that.

I'm with you on that. She really thinks the school are lying.

It's such a mess.

Its hard but I think you’re going to have to distance yourself from this friend. She isn’t willing to prioritise her children. I don’t see how you can remain friends with her.

@ifiwasabird I'm hopefully moving away soon so that should see to that. It's a shame because she's usually lovely, but this isn't right :(