To be sick of hearing horror birth stories of social media?

[Ambs81]

I've noticed recently a 'trend' of hearing horror birth stories and people talking about 'tokophobia', or PTSD following child birth.

I had a pretty horrific time with my DS, (30 hours in labour, forceps, 3rd degree episiotomy, haemorrage etc etc) but I have never felt the need to tell people the gory details and I am hopeful that the next one will be easily - mainly because I'll know what I'm doing and be more prepared.

I'm sure over the course of my labour things couldve been done differently but on the whole I'm sure every doctor and midwife had me and my DS safety as their 1st priority.

I know there is a lot in the media about increasing rates of c-sections, especialll women elected themselves - I can't help but think that the constant sharing of these kind of stories can't help! Yes it's good to talk and share, but I often think its scare mongering and worry for the first time mums reading this kind of stuff....

For example, I read an article today on a mother explaining how she'd be refused an epidurial and 'torn' open by a doctor!!! I couldn't read anymore and unfollowed the account that was sharing it...

Not constructive, helpful or (most probably) accurate!

I’m glad my mother told me in gory detail about my own birth. I’ve never had kids. Forewarned is forearmed.

I think in general openness amongst women about these issues is a good thing.
I find it hard to talk irl about my experiences but my midwife asked me to write a article about them in the hope it would help other mothers who had micro preemie babies in traumatic circumstances. (My first at 26 weeks following a car crash, my second at 24 weeks following major complications and risking my life to do so)
I felt so scared and so alone, the ladies on Mumsnet were a huge support, but to when I read that someone had been through similar and survived it was a huge comfort to me. If my experience can bring that comfort to just one other woman then I'll share.

I found opposite people in RL full of unprompted horror stories - it was on-line I found support, information and help.

I'm glad I'd read all the horror stories as well as the positive ones as I was way more prepared going into labor than had I not read them. My friends who had children spoke openly and honestly with me about their birth stories without scaring me. Going into it thinking it's going to be a walk in the park where you breath the baby is nuts!

I'm also one that opted for a c section after 24 hours of contractions with no dilation following a failed induction. That was 100% my choice to make and for me the better option than running the risk of forceps and damaging my pelvic floor beyond repair (he was a 9 pound baby and I'm only 5 foot size 10). I was fully aware that it was a major operation and as another poster pointed out in the long run possibly cost the NHS less money. I was home within 24 hours of mine with no post op complications. Had I gone down the "natural" route I would have spent a few more days in labor taking up a bed and would have needed post birth care.

The post last week from MOD was actually highlighting that women have the right to choose how they give birth not that c sections are major operations and most people are better off with a "natural" vaginal birth.

I don't think the OP understands fully what elective section means. It doesn't always mean "freely chosen by the mother". A section was the opposite to my favoured home water birth but when my 34 weeker needed to come out ASAP as my placenta was failing I had an elective. I begged the consultant to try induction but he didn't think the baby was strong enough to survive a VB. So I had an elective section. It wasn't from any fear of birthing naturally.

I am sick of the phrase "horror story". I had two emcs, one a crash cs after a lot of intervention and dd's heart stopping. We both sustained injuries and I needed more surgery. Those are FACTS. It's not horror. It isn't designed to shock. It's my truth. If I'd been more prepared myself and not fallen for the "horror story" myth, I wouldn't have felt like such a complete failure.

I had a pretty horrific time with my DS, (30 hours in labour, forceps, 3rd degree episiotomy, haemorrage etc etc)

Why specify that if you think people shouldn't mention it?

I think sharing birth reality is really important. Before I had ds I did a lot of research into all the things that could go wrong and read a lot of "horror" stories (actually just genuine and not unusual birth stories, we need to stop calling them horror stories like they're the exception!)

nothing went "right" with my labour, waters broke first, after more 2 full days in labour, including one full day on a syntocinon drip with an epidural, I was only 5cm dilated and ended up needing a c-section which resulted in major blood loss

But I feel incredibly positive about my birth experience. I was fortunate to be in an absolutely fantastic hospital with amazing staff who kept dh and I in the loop and allowed us to make a lot of the decisions about my care. I think a lot of my positivity comes from reading a variety of birth stories before giving birth. I knew it wouldn't be sunshine and roses, I knew I wouldn't be able to "breathe through it" and I knew all the things that could go wrong. At the end of it I know that many many women have worse experiences than me and that allows me to see the positives in my story.

We need to stop silencing women and making them think if they didn't have the perfect pain-relief free water birth with minimal tearing and blood loss they have "failed".

OP YABU, the fact is that a lot of women aren't listened to in labour.
Pain relief should be a right. It should be available.

I'm conflicted over this. When I was PG last year it seemed to be nothing but horror stories and they terrified me. I went to see a friend a month before my due date and she told me all about her horrible birth in grisly detail. I cried when I got home. But then I have an anxiety disorder to begin with so perhaps other pregnant women could process such stories more calmly, I don't know.

I went to pregnancy yoga, read hypnobirthing books and was very much of the opinion that I could breathe my baby out, intervention was A Bad Thing, my body would know what to do etc. So when my body decided the thing to do was develop obstetric cholestasis and therefore potentially kill my baby if he went to full term, I felt like a total failure, not a natural mother. My labour was horrible and I was in hospital for 8 days and again I felt like a failure for hating every second of it.

So I think that women should never ever be silenced or censored if we need to talk about birth trauma, but perhaps if you're pregnant weigh up what you want to read and what you don't. I find myself self-censoring now when pregnant friends ask about DS's birth, but I just can't bring myself to tell them how much I hated it.

This screams of silencing women. At last many are finding their voices and sharing their experiences rather than gloss over some of the reality of what it can be to give birth.

Women should know that it can be a beautiful experience but it can be truly horrific and both are entirely normal especially when some end up with pnd because they didn’t have the birth they were led to believe would happen.

You reduce women's truthful accounts of their own experiences as 'horror' stories, accuse them of exaggerating , don't believe in women being capable of decision making regarding their own births and bodies nor think they should have a right to pain relief because they don't know their own bodies and limits as well as an observer does. You claim to be 'sick of it', how lovely, yet have shared your experience freely. Nasty, infantilising hypocrite.

Therapy. I felt better after I spoke about it.

Blanche I think that was a little harsh.
Op is entitled to her opinion and I can see the arguement in not frightening pregnant women to death (although I don’t agree with it). With regards to having birth choices I feel more angered at hearing these kind of opinions from a man or women who haven’t given birth/are pregnant. At least the op has actually been there and has the battle scar to show. A third degree tear is nasty.

I can also see why some people might jump to say a c section costs more and why should women have a one at the cost of the tax payer. But as I pointed out earlier, I think often people who hold this view haven’t thought about the fact the nhs spends billions on treating disease caused by poor lifestyle choices. They also fail to consider that a c section may not be a more costly option.
But they are entitled to their opinion about how tax payers money is spent, even if I don’t agree with it or see much of a sensible, thought out rationale.

It seems like you're saying that women should hear only a censored version of childbirth and that their right to choose their birth should be decided not by them but by the medical establishment. Considering the horrific history of women's health and coercive procedures by men... I vote no.

See I think the opposite is true. There are so many accounts now posting about empowering natural birthing experiences. Like anything else is a failure.

I loved my medical birth- pethidine, epidural etc. it made what could have been a traumatic back to back labour actually a really positive experience.

I don’t think it’s right to scare but equally I think women need to be aware that they have a choice and it’s okay to opt for pain relief etc. and things don’t always go to plan.

Sorry bumble but I don't think it's harsh. I also am entitled to an opinion. As are the women whose feels are completely valid when they choose to share their experiences rather than put up, shut and then end up suffering in silence over.
'Frightening pregnant women half to death' is just a way to guilt trip others. People should be allowed to access ALL information about what they can expect and prepare for. Treating all pregnant women as 'frightened' also diminishes tokophobia which serious and help is available for that.

Apologies for SPAG in that last post.

i read today about the lady who died giving birth, she was a blogger about her ivf treatment, I wept, poor love.
I can't remember her name, she looked so lovely, and it's such a shame.
We need to know that this happens, not often, but it can.

Well, we're all kinda responsible for our own media consumption - so unfollow more accounts if you don't want to read those types of birth stories on social media, don't follow people who post them or click on articles about them. And really - it's not a social media or sensationalist news thing, I knew my and many other's gruesome birth stories backwards and forwards including my mother's tip to lean forward while peeing after an episiotomy from an early age.

What women should have access to in labour and what should be considered a right has long been debated, but the idea that we should assume a woman's recount of event is inaccurate because it feels 'dramatic and emotive' feels like a dig at particularly storytelling styles and women in general.

Would the stories be more believable if written in a different way? Is my spouse's story of having the spinal for his vasectomy go wrong repeatedly and being able to feel when they started more believable because he tells it with humour than my likely more emotive story of having two HCP who held a crying 18-year-old me down while a third roughly and repeatedly inserted a large round object into my vagina until I had bled enough to "teach [me] a lesson" (HCP's words). Shitty things happen, medical professionals can make mistakes and act maliciously just like anyone else and it helps some people to deal and recover from that by talking about it - whether we do it dramatically or not. With medical abuse and screw ups so often dismissed, it can be the only closure and sympathy some of us get. If it doesn't help you or if you can't give them the benefit of the doubt, adjust social media accordingly.

YABVU for calling them 'horror stories'. They aren't. They are just accounts of what happened to some women when giving birth. Not liking those accounts doesn't mean it's ok to stop them being shared.

It can also help with decision making. I have had a lot of people advise me to refuse the pessary because it's a more painful labor but they don't give you pain relief for example

I think it needs to be talked about. I only heard positive north stories as all my family seemed to sail through labour and delivery. I followed empowering Instagram accounts. The NHS antenatal classes focused more on carparking and how to breastfeed using an elmo puppet than what could happen in labour. I believed my body was made to give birth. After 50hours of back to back stop start labour an assisted delivery in theatre was not what I expected. Lying there thinking how is this happening to me. Being made to sign a disclaimer that I understood the risks whilst people ran me down a corridor because the baby was in distress. My husband having no clue but sat beside me thinking we aren't going to even have a baby at the end of this. All potential parents (not just women) need to know exactly what may happen. Luckily I have a healthy baby, me not so much but I am never going through that again.

*positive birth stories

There's a conspiracy of silence imo. Women are not told of the risks. Why do you not women to know the risks and what they're letting themselves in for? On the other hand medical staff emphasised how bad a c section could be. If I had been given an honest view of the risks I would have elected for c section, which I will do mext time.