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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS is out of control

15 replies

outofluckchuck · 18/09/2018 17:11

Nc for this as my other posts would out me. AIBU to ask for your help?

I have 4 DC,two who live at home. DS2 (youngest,6) has always been a hard to deal with child. He could never even sit still. He would throw himself off of chairs onto the floor, run into walls, just generally do dumb things and felt no pain. He still does this now. He is often violent towards DS1 (9) and sometimes myself, DD2 (18) and my DM. When I try to discipline him, he growls and throws a tantrum. His mood is like a light switch. He's often very lovely and cuddly when he wakes up, but will snap instantly and become violent and nasty. This happens all day long. He says he wants everyone to die, he hates us, doesn't want to be here anymore, etc. I feel as if I can't do anything to stop him. School say he's a model student. But at home he is a nightmare. He drew a picture of me being stabbed in the back with a knife today. I don't know what to do anymore.

DD2 was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and I have Depression. Myself and his father spilt 3 years ago, but this started before that.

OP posts:
HighwayDragon1 · 18/09/2018 17:14

ADHD? ODD? PDA? Have you seen a doctor?

HoleyCoMoley · 18/09/2018 17:14

I think he needs to see his doctor, can you film this behaviour. Is dad still in the picture.

outofluckchuck · 18/09/2018 17:21

We saw a doctor a year ago when DD2 was in a unit. They agreed to see him for ADHD but they said he didn't have it. EXDH lives 400miles away but sees the kids in the holidays and for their birthdays. He calls twice a week too. He doesn't know what to do either, he put it down to boys will be boys for years but now I think he's realising it's not just that

OP posts:
PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 18/09/2018 17:23

ASD? ADHD? ODD? Some combination of the above? I would seek an immediate referral to a developmental pead. What do school say?

Flowers sounds tough OP!

Harleypuppy · 18/09/2018 17:25

I agree about going to the doctor or school about getting a diagnosis. There has to be something underlying this behaviour. You can ring children's services, which are different to social services for an early help referral. They will probably recommend you apply through school. We have. They will only take a few weeks. Also request a referral to CAMHS, this will take much longer to be seen. We're going through this process. It's really hard to ask for help, but what you're doing at the moment isn't working for either of you. I had to ring last week. We have also paid for a private assessment from a psychiatrist. It was expensive but worth it.

Harleypuppy · 18/09/2018 17:26

The fact he can control his temper at school is important, because it shows he can.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 18/09/2018 17:28

Sorry missed that he's fine at school. Do you think he's masking at school and getting it all out at home or does he have anger issues specifically focused towards his home life?

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 18/09/2018 17:31

If he has anger issues a psychologist may be more appropriate.

Starlight345 · 18/09/2018 17:33

If you have 4 . You will know this is not normal . Go back to gp. Kids with adhd do mask in school

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 18/09/2018 17:34

Go to the GP and ask for a referral for PDA. Ask school if they can have the Ed Psych assess him, I know he is fine in school but sometimes they can be working very hard to mask it and Ex Psych can spot things.

In the meantime- love bomb him. It’s hard work. But the lighter you can keep the mood at home, the less you react to him exploding etc, the less worse it is. It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly rehearsing my words and tone in my head to avoid setting DS off but it’s working. I have to pick my battles and let lots of small stuff go. It’s constant but needs must.

Andro · 18/09/2018 17:41

The fact he can control his temper at school is important, because it shows he can.

Alternatively, it shows he's mastered the art of masking.

Harleypuppy · 18/09/2018 19:52

Yes he's masking but he can still control it.

Branleuse · 18/09/2018 19:58

I agree with the people saying to investigate asd or adhd

Starlight345 · 18/09/2018 20:08

My Ds has Adhd and masks a lot in school . Did it all the time and but as he got older is no longer to manage .

It is emotionally exhausting holding it together with Adhd.

Andro · 18/09/2018 21:27

Harleypuppy

Masking isn't being in genuine control, it's putting a stopper in the bottle which will then eventually explode. Some children can't mask at all, other hold it together until they get home. Neither is managing their feelings in a healthy way, both (may) need adjustments at school in order to manage the rest of day to day life without explosion or meltdown. Explosion and meltdown are not choices, they are consequences of a child not coping with something.

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