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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for DS to be moved?

30 replies

DontRollWithThePinches · 18/09/2018 16:41

DS is 7.
He is very smart, quiet and top of the class. I feel this is relevant because he never misbehaves in class or starts arguments.

When he started last week he was on a table and he was happy.

He's been moved and he came home to tell me that he's been put on another table and is sitting next to X.

And X pinched his hand 3 times because DS wouldn't allow X to copy his work.

He has marks on his hand.

DS told immediately and X was sent to the head teacher.

2 things:

1- AIBU to ask that DS is moved away from X? It is the first incident but he's already said he hopes he doesn't get pinched again tomorrow :(

2- This all came from DS. The teacher didn't mention it at all at pick up. DS wouldn't lie and he has the marks.

But after confirming what happened with the teacher tomorrow WIBU to ask her just why I was not informed that my son was pinched?

OP posts:
PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 18/09/2018 16:44

I think it's way too soon to demand that DS is moved - the teacher may well have it all under control. My DC's teacher might have mentioned an incident like that if I'd happened to see her but personally I'd be OK with not being informed.

Harleypuppy · 18/09/2018 16:45

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask. Maybe the teacher thought it'd been properly dealt with and that's why. Seeing as he was sent to the head to be told off, I'd be happy with that. I don't think you're unreasonable to ask for ds to be moved. I expect after being bollocked by the head, the other boy should behave.

Original poster
DontRollWithThePinches · 18/09/2018 16:46

Well I wouldn't want to sit next to someone who had previously pinched me, so why should he have to?

OP posts:
PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 18/09/2018 17:05

I wouldn't want to sit next to someone who was permanently pinching me but I would assume the teacher will stop him from repeating his behaviour. If DS was seriously anxious about it I'd chat to the teacher in the morning and let her know but if he was OK I wouldn't make it into a huge deal.

whoareyou123 · 18/09/2018 17:51

Had DS said why he was moved? Maybe the teacher regularly changes where everyone sits anyway.

DontRollWithThePunches · 20/09/2018 19:05

So he was moved the next day but he has just told me that today X pinched him again, on the bottom and told him he was going to 'bang him out' Angry

The teacher is newly qualified and this kid is always in trouble, do I approach the teacher again? Or go to the head?

Panda81 · 20/09/2018 19:22

Was he sat next to him again? Or was this during a different activity/playtime? If they are in the same class he's not going to be able to avoid him but the school need to try and stop the pinching.

BillywilliamV · 20/09/2018 19:24

Just ask the teacher to move him, doubt theyll see it as a big deal

Foodylicious · 20/09/2018 19:26

Can you talk to the teacher in the morning and ask who the head if year is and for a meeting with them and the teacher so they can tell you what THEY are going to do to manage the sutuation?

Holidayshopping · 20/09/2018 19:28

I’m confused. Did he get moved but the boy has pinched him anyway? Not whilst they were sitting together?

Crunchymum · 20/09/2018 19:28

The fact your child is tip of the class has nothing to do with your issue and is completley irrelevant.

Foodylicious · 20/09/2018 19:29

If he pinches in class they need to monitor him closely.
I dont think its unreasonable that if he did it during breaks the 2nd time, then he needs to lose his break/ have supervised breaks for a few days.

Have you had a look at their policy on behaviour and/or bullying?

Crunchymum · 20/09/2018 19:29

I am clearly not top tip of the class Blush

DontRollWithThePunches · 20/09/2018 19:33

Crunchy.... Biscuit

Yes he was moved from sitting next to X. This was in class during an activity where the kids were moving about.

FullOfJellyBeans · 20/09/2018 19:34

I was also confused by the top of the class comment - I'm sure the less academic children don't like being pinched either! I would go into school to discuss again - did DS tell the teacher at the time?

Snog · 20/09/2018 19:56

Schools are violent places. They shouldn't be but they are.

KTheGrey · 20/09/2018 20:09

It is relevant that he's top of the class - he's sitting next to the Pinch in the hope that he will set a good example / help the Pinch with his work. It's a behaviour strategy. Since he's being hurt and the HT's intervention has failed, I would ask for him to be moved. Pinchy can sit by himself if necessary, but he can't hurt other children. Also ask the teacher if they can let you know if your child has been hurt at school in the future.

TheDarkPassenger · 20/09/2018 20:17

Your username has changed Confused

StressedToTheMaxx · 20/09/2018 20:19

This behaviour management idea annoys me.
My daughter is quiet and gets on with her work. They constantly put the disruptive child of the class beside her because she is "a good influence" Hmm
After hearing this one too many times (and too many incidents) they got told that my daughter is not in school to moderate others behaviour, that is the teachers job. She is simply there to learn.
That being said I waited until there was a good few incident to support that the situation was no good to my dd. I would keep a note of dates etc over the next month. Them meet with them if it's not any better.

LolaPickle · 20/09/2018 20:24

Id be upset the teacher hadnt mentioned it. I would speak to her about the lack of information, but i would not ask for him to be moved yet

It is very early.

I know it wont be a popular opinion but I would be teaching DS to stick up for himself -and pinch the kid back. Like straight away

Your little lad is going to come across idiots all his life, if he learns to deal with them now , alls the better

I was always told one thing .... if they hit you hit them back. Mums didn't wade in unless it was serious, defo not for a pinch

If it escalates though its a different story

Icedgemandjelly · 20/09/2018 20:34

Yes my dd was also used on numerous occasions by previous teacher last year to control wayward ones. In the end (at Easter!) we challenged it and it stopped happening. Ages later we discovered it was because teacher had run out of configurations because 2 kids were bullying about half the class! My daughter was one of the few they didn't bully. Countless other parents had complained already!

FullOfJellyBeans · 20/09/2018 20:46

To be fair in DS's class the children who are top of the class (I assume you mean academically) certainly aren't the best behaved in the class - just the best at doing work.

1981fishgut · 20/09/2018 20:49

It’s likey they have put your dd next to this child next to this naughty one to try and clam him teachers often do this mix naughty child with well behaved but if fact all it dose it ruin the well behaved children’s behaviour it rarely improves the naughty children’s

Get her moved

pouraglasshalffull · 20/09/2018 20:56

StressedToTheMaxx

This is a behaviour management technique that usually works. Disruptive child is usually not near his mates and will get on with work if sat next to the lovely quiet girl. It is not about your daughter being a moderator of bad behaviour, but just a way to stop X child from disrupting the entire class and therefore stopping your DD from learning. I've done it in my lessons, it works. I've also allowed all disruptive friends to sit together and I get half the work done that I planned and all children then lose out.

You go into a mixed ability class, some SEN children, some lower ability, some higher ability and you try and control 34 children for 1 hour, whilst trying to help LA children understand, stretch HA children, get through tasks, differentiate for SEN and stop disruptive children from distracting their mates and then come back to me and say that seating plans do not work.

pouraglasshalffull · 20/09/2018 20:58

OP, YANBU to ask for your child to be moved. Your teacher should already be on the ball with moving them if a serious incident like this has happened. Regardless of it just being 1 occasion there shouldn't be opportunity for it to happen again

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