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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

8 month old sleeping in our room

53 replies

SoTiredTodayZzz · 18/09/2018 07:02

DS has just turned 8 months and we’re trying to get him to settle in his own room. We tried at 6 months but he screamed the house down. This time round he seems used to the cot, has day time naps there, but he has been waking in the night and crying on and off until I move him back to our room, where he sleeps well. I’ll be honest it has only been 4 nights, maybe I should give it longer..

He’s in a next to me crib in our room and is looking very cramped in there!!

Im soft and hate the tears, but also really need some undisturbed sleep!! If baby is happier in our room I’m happy for him to stay there- WIBU to just buy a travel cot and stick it in our room??

Or will this affect him negatively in some way? Will it then be harder in a few months time to move him to his room?

OP posts:
usingadifferentname · 18/09/2018 13:21

My LO is 2. She is a good sleeper, but if she’s unwell etc then ends up in a travel cot in our room or in our bed. We love it to be honest and sleep better with her near. Do what works for you

Rosesadie · 18/09/2018 13:25

Yanbu. Do whatever works for you. Don’t let what you think or are being told you ‘should’ be doing put you off from keeping him with you if that works for you both. I had both of mine with me until 2.5. We all got lots of sleep and they felt safe. They sleep fine in their own beds now, can go to sleep alone and have never had to cry themselves to sleep alone. Good luck!

Vanessatiger · 18/09/2018 13:43

It’s very much cultural, in most parts of Africa and Asia, children will sleep in the same bed as the parents. In America and the UK people are obsessed with putting their children in a different room. What’s the hurry? Eventually the children will want their own beds. And eventually they’ll leave you. But meanwhile enjoy the cuddles.
Our oldest child didn’t sleep in her own bed until at 3 years old. I don’t see anything wrong with it. We have a huge bed and we all fit and we all sleep nicely together. Now my youngest one is 17 months and still in our bed. I’ve never tried to put them in their own cot. They’ve always co-slept from day one, and this was encouraged by the midwives at the hospital I gave birth in (a modern European country). I think in the UK they scare you about the risk of co-sleeping to the point it’s frowned upon. As if you’re some kind of bad parent if you co-slept.

cholka · 18/09/2018 19:39

OP you say you need undisturbed sleep but also that you're soft and hate tears. I'm sorry to say that any change to a baby's routine will be a little unsettling at first so it's unlikely anything will change in the short term without a tiny bit of crying.

Babies learn what to expect from the world through their routines and your baby expects bedtime and nighttime to involve you being close by. Your baby would need a bit of time to adjust to something different.

You could try putting him in his cot and sitting next to it, patting him, singing, white noise etc to help him sleep. He'd probably be confused/frustrated and cry for a while but he'd go to sleep at some time! Then the next night he'd be a bit more used to the cot, then the next night and the next night, until that's just what he expects from bedtime.

DD was in bed with us until about 14 months, I had back pain and wasn't sleeping at all well because of it. When she went in her own room we tried feeding to sleep and rocking to get her down, but that was doing our backs in too - so we did a sleep training thing of sitting by the cot, then moving further away as the nights progressed. Honestly within a week she'd happily go in the cot and we could just walk out.

You have to believe it will work and see it through, the first few nights were tough but it was worth it. Ultimately it's up to you to decide if your baby is old enough that they're just pissed off or if they are actually distressed. It's all about habit and forming new sleep associations with them, it doesn't take that long.

I hated the idea to begin with but realised that DD's waking and needing to be resettled actually involved more crying than just getting her down in a cot by herself to begin with. The net amount of crying was less.

rubyroot · 18/09/2018 20:13

I decided I needed sleep for my own sanity. Baby sometimes has a cry for a min and goes back to sleep. Sometimes he lets out a little moan ( 1 sec) and goes back to sleep. He does a cry for about 5/10 seconds around 6.30 and goes back to sleep.

I feel happy that hes not being damagd in anyway- no chronic stress or excessive crying and him and I sleep much better. If I picked him up he wouldn't return to cot as would not settle back in the cot and would toss and turn all night in the bed with me.

That did not make for a happy child, he's much happier now, no dark circles under eyes and not overtired all the time!

Do what works for you

BlueJava · 18/09/2018 20:32

Personally I thought it was important for my twin DS to learn to sleep by themselves at an early age. I put them in their own room at just under 3 months when they were sleeping from around 11pm to 5 or 6am. Fortunately (especially as there were two!) we didn't experience any problems.

Tiptopj · 18/09/2018 22:53

Although i loved having my son in the same room as me, I moved him into his own room at 8 months. He woke a few times in the night for the first week or so but since then he's slept straight through until 8am which which he never did when he was in our room. I've also found that I've slept so much better since he's moved. I think when he was in the room with me, even though I slept, I much have been listening out for him and waking briefly when he moved as i always woke up tired Now I have the monitor next to my bed so I only wake when he wakes up for the day.
That being said though, do what works for you. If you feel your baby needs a bit longer with you I can't see how it would have a negative effect

Shantotto · 18/09/2018 22:59

We coslept with DS til he was almost 3. When we moved him into his own room he was so excited, told us he loved it and went to sleep that first night just as he did in our bed and has been fine. Stirs in the night once or twice so we have to go and give him a pat, wakes at 5am every day - but he's always been like this!

Ceebs85 · 18/09/2018 23:07

We went from crib - travel cot in our room - cot in own room with zero difficulty but that was at 6 months. Try the travel cot if you have one anyway and then try again in own room in a few weeks.

Shannaratiger · 19/09/2018 08:42

Dd 3rd night. Ds never in our room.

TittyGolightly · 19/09/2018 09:12

Ds never in our room.

Are you on another planet where there is no SIDS risk?

Minster2012 · 19/09/2018 09:52

Keep persevering, I can’t help with when is best or what happens at what age as DS1 is only 7 weeks and we moved him into Ian room at 4 weeks having spoken to midwife & health visitor - he’s v big so less of SIDS risk, it was a cooler room during the summer heatwave our room was 30 degrees & we got him doing at least 2 out of 3 day time naps in his cot to get used to it (So about 4 hours in total) he was such a grunter & wriggler we were getting so little sleep from him waking us up when he was actually asleep!

Can you get your LO napping in their room to help transition? Is it really dark to help with sleep hormones? We play white noise for every nap & all night too currently, will phase that out but it really helps to settle them?
Good luck!

TittyGolightly · 19/09/2018 10:07

he’s v big so less of SIDS risk

Confused. How does being big help him to remember to breathe?

Minster2012 · 19/09/2018 11:48

@tittygolightly in answer to your statement - Low birth weight babies are at higher risk of SIDS. Fact. our LO was a really big baby who didn’t lose any weight over his first weeks. So from talking to the advisors it’s all about weighing up risks, one of the main factors is overheating so for us being in the hottest room in the house (even in just a nappy) was a bigger risk than the smaller weight risk, he risks not breathing anywhere. It’s unproven that they regulate their breathing to parents.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 19/09/2018 16:59

DS2 was 10lbs at birth and only ever gained weight, but I never once thought that absolved me of the whole SIDS risk; it's reduced risk, not completely eradicated, in bigger babies.

rubyroot · 19/09/2018 18:09

Indeed at Minster2012
We do what we can to reduce the SIDS risks, but I’ve read research that says it’s often a genetic thing which unfortunately we cannot always protected. Granted safe sleep practices have helped reduce it. Are there many people who can say that they stayed with their baby at all times when baby was asleep. I know I’d leave him napping in sitting room etc and get on with housework and such. Think it’s up to individuals. There’s lots of talk of co sleeping on here, but little mention of SIDS risk regarding this.

God, you do what you got to do! I remember 1st night home from hospital and baby clusterfed all night- I was literally nodding off whilst he was feeding. Not ideal, I know but in reality it’s not as easy as following every guideline

gilmoregal · 19/09/2018 18:30

My 7 month old is in our room in a cot, we're planning to move him into his bedroom at 12 months. I'm not ready myself until then, as that's when the risk of SIDS is properly reduced.

Minxmumma · 19/09/2018 18:32

My 22mth old goes to bed in her own room but usually reappears around 4ish and goes straight back off curled up next to me until half 6.
I can't be bothered to battle.
My now 16yo DS was a dreadful sleeper and I fought with him for years. He sorted himself out in the end and was far easier not to stress over it

Zintox · 19/09/2018 18:34

My 4 year old is in a cot bed attached to our bed. That way we all sleep well.

pandarific · 19/09/2018 19:22

Do those of you with babies older than a year in with you work full or 4 days or compressed hrs etc? Curious as I'm pregnant and going back one of those after a year mat leave and can't imagine we'd be getting much sleep with the baby in bed with us, but I suppose it depends on the child?

topcat2014 · 19/09/2018 19:27

We followed a 'book' she who cannot be named when DD was small.

I may have shed a tear when DD moved into her own room at 12m.

Mind you, she sleeps like a log to this day.

Do what suits you, OP, but don't be rushed.,

PoxAlert · 19/09/2018 19:30

DD stayed in our room (sidecar crib and then toddler bed) until she was three and half.

Went into her own room when she was ready.

Sleeps wonderfully. Always goes to bed happy. Always has.

In no way was I willing to make bedtime a drama!

nippey · 19/09/2018 19:38

DD is still in our bed and she’s 3 Blush

We all get a good sleep, and both work full time hours so am not prepared to push her until she’s ready, sleep is too important.

DasPepe · 19/09/2018 19:38

We have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.

2 year old in a cot next to bed with a side removed. 5 year old slept with us until she was 3 then mixed it up between her room and ours. Both are lovely, socially fine and perfectly adjusted. We’ve moved countries and the 5 year old coped so well and learned a new language in a year.
She slept in our bed last night. In her own bed tonight.

Do what makes everyone happy. Even though I hate being kicked by the kids :)
It’s nice going to bed with everyone snuggled up, like a comfy nest

bunnyrabbit93 · 19/09/2018 19:48

Do what ever feels comfortable and allows you to sleep ! We have only just got our 3 year old DD to sleep in her own bed next to our bed and a 7 month old in a cot next to our bed. Everyone is comfortable and everyone sleeps it's a win win