To think my mum doesn't like me?

[Beautifulblue]

I'm 27 & have a 14 month old daughter. My mum is good to us, she has helped us out financially in the past with loans & she is a good nan. She takes DD out on a Saturday afternoon most weeks. But honestly, I don't think she likes me as a person. When ever she comes to collect DD she always gets a bit grumpy if she's not ready straight away or if she's still napping. When she brings DD home I always offer her a coffee/glass of wine & tell her to sit down but she stands at the door the whole time & always seems in a rush to go. When I talk to her, she looks me up & down a lot & I get the sense is bored of the conversation. She also never tells me much about what's going on in her life & is always just 'fine.' I think I can re-call maybe 10 times in my life she's told me she loves me. But she's quite affectionate with my DD. I'm not sure if it's just her, or me. I think maybe she loves me because I'm her daughter but doesn't like me as a person. I have a lovely partner, only a 1 bed flat but it's clean & nice. I'm a good mum & a good person. But this really eats away at me & makes me wonder what's wrong with me?

Do you ever see your mum socially? Go shopping, out for a meal? Ring for a chat? Invite her over for a meal?

Do you make the contact always or does she sometimes?

There is nothing wrong with you, don’t think that for a second. Maybe she’s just not very good at expressing her emotions?

My Nan is a bit like this with my mum (and her other kids - my aunts and uncle) but has always been a wonderful gran and great-grandma to the following generations.

I don’t know for certain why she isn’t very nice or loving to her own children, but I get the impression she resents them because she was “unhappily” married to my grandad (until he died) and she has perhaps misplaced her anger onto her kids rather than him. I think she also regrets getting married so young and not having the career she felt she deserved. Her kids are all high flyers but those opportunities weren’t available to women of her generation.

The grandchildren are not a part of that dynamic because she’s not had to raise them and they are a fresh start.

Is there something similar going on with your mum? Was her relationship with your dad happy?

I have the same situation. And actually I don't like her very much as a person either.

I have the same situation, whilst she would do anything for her grandchildren, she would only do it reluctantly for me and I grew up being told it was shameful to let people see emotions, no hugs or kisses etc

My mother is the same and the feeling is mutual. It's quite common, but rely talked about.