To ask how to kick start our sex life

[Relightourf1re]

Changed name as don't want this linked to other posts but been a member for a while... Penguin bollards, cancel the cheque etc

So dp and I have been together for 6 years, when we got together sex was great and regular. However, during pregnancy I found it horrifically painful. I had awful pelvic problems (and still do) and we just couldn't dtd. During birth the head clip on dd tore my labia and I lost a lot of blood, was stitched and felt uncomfortable inside for many months afterwards.

Dd was a great sleeper to start with, proper by the book 4 hours of sleep, feed, wind, change 4 hours sleep... Rinse and repeat. She slept through at 8 weeks but around 8 month when she crawled to now, has been appalling (she is now 5). Regular waking, night terrors that resulted in blood curdling screaming and me having to apologise to our virtually deaf neighbour about the noise.

Do works nights and is permentantly shattered as a result. We rarely get "us" time and when we do it usually results in trying to catch up on sleep. We have both out on a lot of weight since we first met which has affected us both in terms of self esteem.

We have got stuck in a rut where the most intimate we have been in years is a quick snog.

We have both been stressed with jobs and juggling childcare, looking after his elderly father, issues around his ex causing problems etc. I know we both still love each other but the spark seems to be dying and it is making me really sad.

I suffer with anxiety and depression which has an effect on my sex drive. It is virtually non existent and I am at a complete loss how to rekindle it.

He makes all the right noises about still thinking I am sexy etc (at a flabby size 22 I am not) but never seems to try and instigate anything and if I do I end up feeling clumsy and useless which makes my anxiety worse and kills and sex drive I started with.

So what can I do? How do I stop us being just friends who share a bed once in a while?

We steal kisses discretely. I grab a hug and slow lingering kiss most days. I'm of the theory- the more you have, the more you want. Once you start, it will get more enjoyable and easier to initiate. Go back to your dating days and rediscover the chemistry. Laugh together, hold hands, share moments.

If you want to reclaim your sexual spark you have to address the root causes. First and most importantly, you are both overweight and out of shape. Start walking together any chance you get. Overhaul your diets. Do fun workouts together at home. Start cooking healthy meals together. Your sexuality is an extension of how you feel physically and how you feel emotionally about your own bodies. Focus on that first and the sex will fall into place.

Although you have the kids for those extra days, plan for afterwards. Although its difficult dieting on anti depressants, you could make a start. Michael Mosley 8 week blood sugar diet is a great one with quick fast results. Loosing half a stone or more will have a good effect on your self esteem a is easily achievable by the time the kids go back.

If trying to rexrete the date/away day scenario have you tried, the non alcoholic drink seedlip. It's a non alcoholic calorie free drink to be drink with mixers. It feels like your having a grown up drink. Serve it with ice and lemon. I swear the psychological warming/loosening feelings were still there.

Spend time together. My husband and I have been through a rough patch. For five years!!!! But we didn’t give up. There were time I hated him and I wanted him to leave etc.

But we have come out the other side and have never been happier. One of the biggest things we did was to just spend time together. It didn’t matter what we do. Even silly things like we don’t sit in front of the tv for dinner. We sit at the table and talk.

I have a bad back sonsitting in bed in the evening is better for me. He used to sit downstairs every evening. We now sit together and read or talk or watch tv. But in the adverts we smooch and hug.

I didn’t realise how important sex was in a relationship. We now have sex twice a week. I find the more I have it the more I want it.

I know it’s hard. But spending time together as a couple and not a mum and dad is something that is really important. I didn’t realise how important it is.

If you don't do it when his kids are over, maybe you could take that as the opportunity to spend the time in bed cuddling, kissing, and getting close in non-noisy ways since the pressure of having sex has been taken away.

Try Mojo Upgrade. It's really fun to do together, and you might be surprised.

I am gonna spend the next couple of weeks clearing the decks of all the pussy little jobs that have been building up

Off topic a bit, but brilliant typo, OP

Same here since pregnancy with a couple of exceptions. DS is two now, so do the maths. Funny enough we were talking about having another baby the other day so I said to him 'you do know this means we got to have sex' 😂😅

Oh my god that typo....i am so sorry. I wish I had the wit to have done that in purpose.

Thanks for the advice, w e will talk when we get time together. I am going away this weekend with our dd to visit family and he is staying here after his exw's epic bombshell that she was buggering off and ditching the kids here. They didn't want to come away with me... Can't blame them 4 small kids is not my idea of a great weekend!

Am hoping a weekend away from each other will help... Am thinking of a few saucy texts and see what transpires. Or is that the epitome of crass?

I'd look at seeing a different GP too. Yours sounds very dismissive and everything shouldn't be put down to your weight.

My strength increases every year to where I can't see a thing if I take my glasses off this has taken about 5 years to get to this point. I was a DD app yesterday he increased her strength but said this is normal until you grow up, we don't have the same optician I asked him why he thought mine would change every year and he suggested I visit the doctors as it may be a health issue. Now I'm wondering why my own hasn't said this! My friend swears by the eye training online I haven't tried it yet

Sorry guys I thought I was replying to something else no idea how I got here!

"Go to bed early" ... sod that.

Shag on the couch, half clothed. Sexiest thing ever when you're in a rut.

@Dontgiveamonkeys1350
Have you really come back from a five year hiatus? Is that actually doable?